My money or OUR money???

[awesomemom75]

Okay when my husband and I agreed that what ever money I could make from home would be my shopping money, I didn't think it meant him using it to buy "us" a big screen!!!!!! I hate t.v and hardly watch it ! Is that fair? He's a plumber and his side jobs are his play money and my working at home is supposed to be my play money. I'm I being selfish? I haven't said anything to him about this, just kind of brush it off. I wanted to get the kids an above ground pool this summer! Now it will take me till middle of June.( he didn't know that's what I was planning but still how could he make such a big purchase without discussing it with me first??) He says he wanted to "surprise" me.Boy, was I surprised :(

Jenny
lopiccolo6@aol.com

[Amy]

I think I would be pretty miffed. He must have known you don't like tv, so Im sure he used it as a "surprise" so you would be caught off-guard. It would be like a dh giving his wife a bowling ball for x-mas, only to use it for HIS bowling night. thankfully, dh and I don't make any major purchases without mulling it over for months. If you are mad enough, make him take it back.

This is all very easy for me to say, since my dh is living 10,000 miles away for 4 months. LOL

[Diane]

In all the years we've been married... we've never made any big purchases without first consulting the other. When we decided to buy our big screen TV, it was BOTH of our decisions. LOL I'm a little bit disappointed that I never seem to get to watch it... but half of that is my own fault so... (another story) :)

For a while I received CASH every week from of my clients and I'd put that to the side for "whatever"... but as far as I'm concerned... whatever it was going to be spent on would be MY decision because I considered it more MY money than his. :) That money has paid for our vacations each/every year for the past 5 or 6 years... and has also paid for all the gifts we've gotten the kids/relatives for Christmas. Very seldom have I ever spent any of it on myself... I've used it to borrow (give) some to my dd when things have gotten tough for her... but it's always been MY choice/decision. Dh had no problem with this... if he wanted/needed cash he'd take whatever he needed out of the bank and that was HIS to spend for what he needed. Every other money earned between us is OUR money... and even My money really is OUR money... just more mine than his. LOL (??) I would be VERY miffed if my dh ever decided to "surprise" me with a gift that was more for his use than mine... spent with MY hard earned money. Ugh!!!!!! Actually... he'd know better. I agree that you really need to tell him how you feel... otherwise the next time he decides he wants/needs something... he just may do it to you again. Good luck!!!

Diane... :wave:

[PamE]

Yikes! I'd be peeved too! Since he used pool money for the tv maybe he could help you replace that money with his side job money and you could get the pool faster? Whatever you decide you should talk to him about how you feel. Feelings can fester and turn into nasty things, lol!

[KarlaB]

Another yikes! Dh and I have always discussed major purchases, so this hasn't been an issue for me either. I think you need to let him know how you feel and make sure this doesn't happen again. I like Pam's idea of having him pitch in with his "extra" money to help get the pool. Good luck! :)

[RCT]

my money ( I have no money ) LOL :lol: his money is our money and our money is spent together, any major purchases are discussed, and agree upon.....sounds like a raw deal for you.....I would really have a serious talk with him about how hurt you are....

[Ryleigh]

I'd be ticked too!!! If you agreed before hand that the money you make at home is your spending money than he should not have touched it, especially without consulting you. Dh and I have both personall and joint checking account. We each put a certain amount in our personal account each month that is for our own free spending but what is in the joint account pays our bills, buys groceries and once in a while a little luxury for the whole family, something the four of us all agree on.

[awesomemom75]

You gals are SO right! I don't know why I still haven't said anything yet. Its usually not like me, must be that sahm guilt still left over! I 'm going to sit him down and tell him how I feel and how I would never have done that to him. ( I don't even buy a pair of shoes without consulting him!) Who does he think he's fooling?The more I think about it the more selfish it seems to me. Now that I've let it fester,I'm ready to explode. I better read Proverbs tonight so I can get into a better frame of mind before I tell him something about himself! Thanks for all the advise, I'll keep you posted! Jenny :)

[Diane]

I'm glad that you decided to have a talk with him about it. It's not right that you feel as if you have to discuss buying a simple new pair of shoes with him while he runs off and purchases a big screen tv without even consulting you. Ugh!!! I know I never could have kept my mouth shut as long as you have... LOL Good luck!!! Let us know how it goes. :)

Diane... :wave:

[KarlaB]

Originally posted by Diane P.
I know I never could have kept my mouth shut as long as you have... LOL Good luck!!! Let us know how it goes. :)

Diane... :wave:

Me either! LOL! :lol:

Jenny - I think you'll feel better about it all once you talk to your dh. Maybe he has his own reasoning as to why he didn't think it was a big deal? Dh and I have been miles apart on things - just assuming the other would be in agreement without first discussing it. Maybe your dh thinks he was doing a good thing and didn't know your plans for the $$? (I'm not saying he was right LOL!) Good luck and let us know how things go!! :)

[Amy2]

Awesome~that SAHM guilt is powerful stuff!

One time my dh did the same thing, he bought a new tv/vcr without talking with me about it. I was LIVID! We have a perfectly good television AND vcr, and I don't watch that much tv, and don't want the kids to either. Anyway, I didn't keep my mouth shut (imagine that) and we had this talk where he had the audacity to make mention of who "earns" the money.

WELL...I was beside myself. So I got out my calclulator and calculated how much we would have to pay someone to be with our children the number of hours I am with them, how much we would have to pay someone to clean our house, how much to shop, cook, etc. Needless to say, he would have to make a WHOLE lot more money if I weren't here!

That, and hello? I'm raising our children!!! These are the most important people in the world to BOTH of us! A little gratitude, please!

Marriage is a partnership, and if you choose to be "traditional" it is an equal partnership none the less!

You go girl!

Amy

[kat]

WELL...I was beside myself. So I got out my calclulator and calculated how much we would have to pay someone to be with our children the number of hours I am with them, how much we would have to pay someone to clean our house, how much to shop, cook, etc.
You go girl!
I used to get so upset with dh when I asked him to watch the kids when I had something away from home that needed tending to. Bless his heart that's all he did: sit and watch. Me, I could watch them, play with them, do laundry, dishes, vacuum, mop, you get the idea.

[Mickey]

Originally posted by kat
WELL...I was beside myself. So I got out my calclulator and calculated how much we would have to pay someone to be with our children the number of hours I am with them, how much we would have to pay someone to clean our house, how much to shop, cook, etc.
You go girl!
I used to get so upset with dh when I asked him to watch the kids when I had something away from home that needed tending to. Bless his heart that's all he did: sit and watch. Me, I could watch them, play with them, do laundry, dishes, vacuum, mop, you get the idea.

Yep, you GO Amy! LOL! Good for you!

LMBO, Kat!!! My dh is like that, too! I hate to leave ds and him at home alone because I always come home to a totally trashed house! Sit and watch! LOVE that! LOL!

And another thing that would pee me off to no end was when he'd say, "Go shopping! I'll babysit for you!" UGH! You don't BABYSIT your own kid!!! Men!!!

[awesomemom75]

I did it! I made him take the t.v.back! We had a long talk and I told him all my feelings and he said he didn't "realize" I felt like that and that he was sorry and when could we get a big screen? LOL! (never in my opinion but I might have to compromise on that later) We are getting the above ground pool instead! Yey! Ty for all the great comments and advise. Hate it when dads consider themselves "babysitting" their own children too ! I'm horrible at telling jokes but I heard one about aliens selling men and women's brains and the men's were so much more expensive.............because they had never been used! lol! Happy Mother's Day!

[AnnW]

Good for you!!!!!

[KarlaB]

:yippee: SO glad you guys talked and got things worked out! :yippee:

[awesomemom75]

Mine was okay, nothing too exciting. We are going to sell our house! I really hope we can get the other house!!!!