another mil vent

[lindaM]

My in-laws live in CA we are in MA. They have seen my ds 3 times (he is 6) my dd they have seen 2 times (she is 4) the last time they saw them was 2 years ago.

my father in law has a sister in NJ. I just spoke with her to ask if we could come visit in June when the kids are out of school. She said sure she would love that. And she asked have you talked to my inlaws about there visit in 2 weeks. NO I said "hmmm" she said, "maybe I souldn't have said anything" She lives about 3 hours away. Don't you think my inlaws would have said something to us. So we could make plans to go visit them or they could come visit us???? They will be out right around my dd 5th birthday. Had I known I would have planned a party when they were out here. DH talked to them and they said "oh we were going to tell you because we might be going to PA to visit" What instead of visiting your son and grandchildren!!!! I would just be very upset if my parents did this to me.

And what kills me is I just asked the kids two days ago to make mothers day cards for my mil, my sons said on it "Dear Nana, I sure wish we could see you again soon, Love Ryan" I hope that rips her heart out!!!! AUGH

[Amy]

Some people are so shallow!! My MIL talks a good game. About once a year she gets teary eyed saying she wants to get to know her grandkids, but she never calls, never sends a birthday card or anything that would remotely hold up her "sob story". My dd only saw her once when she was 1 1/2 yrs and ds never saw them. They can't miss what they don't know. Anyways, my side of the family more than makes up for it. These kids are worshipped.

What did your dh say after your inlaws told him this? Are there other siblings in the family? Do the inlaws do the inlaws do the same thing to them? In the end its going to be their loss.

[AnnW]

Yet another reason why I tell my kids to marry orphans!!!! LOL


Sorry they are being such jerks! It's their loss.

[Diane]

How AWFUL... I couldn't imagine not wanting to see my grandchildren (if I had any) whenver I possibly could. I would feel simply terrible if my children's grandparents ever treated them like that. My in-laws never went way out of their way to visit the kids but when they WERE with them they totally enjoyed each other's company. My FIL might have been a jerky guy to me... but I've got to give him credit when it came to being a decent grandparent... he really did pretty good with the girls. He didn't always remember which one was who or how old they were... but I think that was because of his age. LOL My parents haven't ever gone way out of their way for their grandchildren either but I'm thinking that's because they've got SO many of them and also because of the way a few of my sisters are... (extremely jealous) I think they always felt that they had to be very careful not to spend more time/money on some, and not ALL of them. They couldn't AFFORD to. LOL (17 grandchildren) I think they were always too afraid of being accused of playing favorites. IMHO I'm just happy to see them spend time with ANY of them, whether they were mine or not. LOL

If I were you... I would plan a party and TELL them when it was going to be and let them know you'll expect to see them there... no excuses!!! Good luck...

Diane... :wave:

[KarlaB]

Isn't it sad when grandparents behave this way? :( What dies dh say about it? What was his relationship like with them as a kid? I like Diane's idea of planning a party and telling them when it is with the expectation that they'll be there since they'll be in the area. Let us know what happens!

We have lots of struggles with my mil, too. She was just here for ds's party this wknd and what a joke that was - I mean her being here. She got here 45 minutes late, talked to NO ONE and left within 2 hours. The last of the guests trickled out almost 10 hrs later!! I just say it's her loss and like others, my family makes up for it. It's just sad to me though that she *claims* to have such an interest in them, yet her actions say someting totally different. :(

Good luck Linda and thanks for letting the rest of us vent in your thread! :)

[RCT]

sorry things are tough with your inlaws, I hear that.....I love AnnW's idea of marrying an orphan...LOL....maybe the party idea would work, at least you've given them an option of seeing you all....

[Lynda/WA]

I would be very steamed if I was in your position as well! I agree with everyone else. My in-laws can really torque me. My MIL/FIL were always asking when we were going to come and visit. We lived in AZ/CA and they lived in OR. The very first time they came to visit us was when DD turned 3 and DS was nearly 7. The only reason they came was because DH was working the senior PGA golf tourn. and could get them free passes and into restricted areas. What really got me was how they always said they didn't like to drive and that's why we had to be the ones doing the twice yearly visits. As soon as we moved to WA they bought a motor home and began traveling to the AZ/CA border for every winter. Then they drove out to FL. Guess what they *really* meant was that they couldn't travel if it was to visit us!

Unfortunately my family lives in WI. We recently went to visit them ( at their expense!). The kids loved it and I especially realized just what the kids are missing. Even when they couldn't see the kids my family was so much better about talking to them on the phone and just plain thinking about them. My DD wanted to call my MIL/FIL when she got a new bike. I swear my FIL had her hand the phone back to me after 30 seconds! My family will talk until the kids want to quit.

[Leigh]

I don't have children yet, but if the way that my mil and fil treat me is any indication of the way that they will treat my children then they'll want no part of it. I am sorry that you are having in law problems, but like everyone else said, it is their problem, and when your children get older, they will see this.hang in there and come back to vent if you need too.