Discipline...teens

[coulie]

How do you get your teen to obey you?

For example: you tell him/her to clean their room before school and come to find out around noon that the room is still trashed. Say your kid is six feet tall. What is your next move to get them to obey your rules?

Coulie

[RCT]

but I sympathize with you.....maybe take something away? Car, TV.....sorry I can't help....

[Amy2]

Because this is on the debate board, I am assuming this is more of a philosophical question than a personal question? Hmmmm....I'll bite.

I think that there's not much you can really do to MAKE a teen "obey" you. I guess it's doing what you actually have the power to do. Does the teen get an allowance? Take the allowance. Does the teen having driving privileges? Take the car. Curfew? Ground them. (I am not sure if one had a truly rebellious teen that simply says "No, you can't keep me here" and walks out.)

It seems to me that much of this is formed when they are much younger. The mutual respect thing. If they understand that you do the things for them you do because you love and respect them, then hopefully they will reciprocate in the end?

Amy

[kat]

If you've waited till they're 6 feet tall, you're too late. Close the door. Some kids are just slobs. My oldest never thought his room was a mess. His idea of clean and mine were miles apart. Youngest ds is more like me and likes a clean room with everything in its proper place.
I will say that with oldest I did too much of the work for him early on. With youngest, the habits were begun right away and I don't have to nag. It's an established routine in the mornings.

[Diane]

I've always raised my children with the rule that if you don't have done what is needed/suppose to be done, you go nowhere... you talk to no one, no visitors... no NOTHING until it's done. More or less... they don't HAVE a life until they've taken care of business. LOL I've never given in so they know better than to try to talk themselves out of it with a promise of doing it later or anything else... they know it won't work. LOL Even my middle dd who is 21 knows better than to leave the house before she's taken care of her responsibilities. I think if you've applied these rules throughout the years it won't be a problem for you when they get older. :)

Diane... :wave:

[Mickey]

You could always redecorate his room a la prison cell motif! LOL! It would be hard to trash a room like that, wouldn't it?

This is so tough. I do think there's a happy medium where discipline and guidance is concerned. And I think that happy medium is different with every kid. Some kids really need structure and guidance and other kids do what needs to be done without much resistance. My sister was very diplomatic and easy-going. Her bed was always made and she always got straight A's. My brother was the total opposite--very stubborn and headstrong. He resisted any kind of guidance or authority.

My parents treated us all pretty much the same and we all reacted differently to them. I think it has a lot to do with personality.

One think I do know for sure...parenting is definitely the hardest job in the world.

Mickey hit my most challenging problem with parenting. Each of my daughters is so different, but I'm the same mom. Yes, they compare..."you never let me get away with that...why can she (whine du jour) and I can't...it's not fair!!!" My best way out of this is to point out that fair doesn't mean equal. But then I worry that I'm really not fair. This whole parenting thing is too hard some days. But there are those moments when it's all worth it, seeing glimpses of the adult women that they will become (if they make it that long). LOL

[Lynda/WA]

By the time a child is a teenager you hopefully have the basic rules down and have your children following the simple stuff. If not its a little like closing the barn door after the horse have already bolted. Too little too late. Using the example of the room. I would allow my teenager to keep their room how they want it. I wouldn't (don't) allow food/drinks in the bedrooms. I think a teenager needs something that basically they alone are in control of. Let it be something I can close the door on and ignore!

For other items I would have the punishment fit the crime. Stay out too late? Come in early the next night by double the time they were late. (ie when DS goes to bed 15 minutes late he has to go to bed the next night 30 minutes early.) Or maybe I'd take away the car.

[coulie]

Mickey,



I used the messy room example just to get ya'll talkin about your teens. It worked. And Mickey..you're crackin me up. And if I was at my wits end with the messy room I would definitly use it. Cell motif...chuckle. You think Martha has anything on that?

Actually, I don't give a rat's bleep about some mess as long as it doesn't become a way of life.

As of right now, I am not struggling with my teens. ( I am sure they are saving something up for me though)
However, I do have several friends that are. I usually dispense a sort of "boot camp" kind of advice to them, but I find it amazing how much parents let their kids get away with because they are unwilling to follow through with really firm discipline.

My kid is 5' 10 but I still rule :)

Have a good day and thanks for all the reponses

Coulie