Help Ladies!! Please!!

[stasee]

Ok I know this isn't a really big deal but I am not sure how to handle it at all! My 8yo Told my mom she is getting hair on her private part. I asked her why she said it and she showed me!! Its true!!! I knew girls could hit puberty early but at 8???

What do I tell her about this?? Is it too soon to worry about it? Should I explain the whole monthly visitor thing now?? Is this the sex talk thing in detail time??

I am panicked! I really wish I had Boys now. My mom didn't tell me anything and I didn't start till I was 13 so I kind of found out from friends. That is not how I want my DD finding out.

How did you all handle this or your mothers handle it?

[PamE]

Stacee, I just had that talk with my 9yo (10 in Sept). Whew! I was seriously dreading it but it went really well. I didn't get into the sex part yet because I think she's too young. But we did talk about the changes her body is going through (her breasts are beginning to bud) and what else will happen. Her main comment about the whole thing... Eeeeewww!! ROFL! I even managed to be cool as a cucumber through the whole thing. 8)

Now even thinking about the sex talk has me quaking in my boots :nervous: but hopefully by the time it rolls around I'll be ready for that too. You might just nonchalantly tell her that since she is getting body hair her body is preparing to go through some other changes, etc. Opening the topic was the hard part. Once we got past that it wasn't too bad.

[AnnW]

You need to have "the talk". She needs to understand what is happening to her and what will be happening. There are some great books out there to help you walk through it. Good luck.

[Diane]

I agree that you definitely need to have "the talk" with her. It seems young... but if she's already starting to get hair I'm thinking that everything else will soon follow. I really had no problems talking with my dd's, it went a lot better with all of them than I thought it would, so... don't panic! :) Remember though... make it simple, she's only 8 years old and may have a hard time totally understanding what you're trying to tell her. (my friend explained the whole menstrual to her dd and later found out from her dd's best friends mom that the dd didn't have a CLUE what she had been talking about... LOL) Good luck and... don't worry!!!

Diane... :wave:

[AnnW]

It's funny..here you are dreading having the talk, and I have been begging my ds to have it with me!!! LOL We did the basic stuff when he was younger, but we have been trying to have a more in depth talk with him for the last couple of years and he REFUSES!!! Says "mom, please, I don't want to talk about this stuff!" Won't talk with his dad either. It is making me crazy cause I know he is going to get misinformation from his friends and I want to be able to really go indepth into what our values and beliefs are..but he just won't.

[stasee]

Thanks everyone! I know I have to tell her something! Dreading isn't the word for it!!!!

Tomorrow is the big day for it I guess. I will look for some books maybe that will help open the subject!

I am thinking chastity belt and a bolt on her bedroom door! LOL

[Amy2]

Stasee, I think it's so sad that you are dreading this very special talk. How sad for both you and your girl! You have an opportunity here to share such a wonderful, important thing. Sex is a wonderful thing, the deepest and most intimate thing we can share with another person. If you come at it with this scared, uncomfortable perspective, what are you teaching her?

Personally, and you can call me a freak (because most people here already think I am) but I can hardly wait until my girl has a period because I am so looking forward to having a big celebration for her! Talking about our bodies and how amazing they are should be a joyous talk in my opinion.

If you wait and wait until the last possible second, it will make it this huge dramatic, frightening thing for her. That, and she will probably get all kinds of misinformation from her friends.

The other day my ds said to me "Boys pee from their *****, but how do girls pee?" (Okay, let me tell you that I was in my late teens before I knew we had a urethra! I thought we pee'd from our vaginas! Hello? Mom? You there?) I told him "Well, we have a hole in our bottom for the poop, the hole where the baby comes out, and another small hold called the urethra where the pee comes out." That was all he needed/wanted to know. Simple. Hopefully by starting young, when he's older it won't be a big deal at all, but a special thing that we can all talk about.

Amy

[Diane]

Originally posted by Amy
Stasee, I think it's so sad that you are dreading this very special talk. How sad for both you and your girl! You have an opportunity here to share such a wonderful, important thing. Sex is a wonderful thing, the deepest and most intimate thing we can share with another person. If you come at it with this scared, uncomfortable perspective, what are you teaching her?

Personally, and you can call me a freak (because most people here already think I am) but I can hardly wait until my girl has a period because I am so looking forward to having a big celebration for her! Talking about our bodies and how amazing they are should be a joyous talk in my opinion.

If you wait and wait until the last possible second, it will make it this huge dramatic, frightening thing for her. That, and she will probably get all kinds of misinformation from her friends.

The other day my ds said to me "Boys pee from their *****, but how do girls pee?" (Okay, let me tell you that I was in my late teens before I knew we had a urethra! I thought we pee'd from our vaginas! Hello? Mom? You there?) I told him "Well, we have a hole in our bottom for the poop, the hole where the baby comes out, and another small hold called the urethra where the pee comes out." That was all he needed/wanted to know. Simple. Hopefully by starting young, when he's older it won't be a big deal at all, but a special thing that we can all talk about.

Amy

I myself was never "excited" about having "the talk" with my children either and it went just FINE. I don't really know of too many parents who do look forward to it. LOL I think that the older the kids are... the harder and more embarrassing it is for them, so it's almost better to do it when their still at the age where they are still willing to ask a lot of questions and talk about any/everything without being embarrassed about it. I guess it depends upon how open and willing your kids are about talking about such matters. LOL I tried not to make a big deal about it when they got their periods... I felt it was a "personal" thing for them to deal with and they especially didn't care to share the moment with their dad or anybody else. :)

Diane... :wave:

[AnnW]

I don't think it is really fair to put a value judgement on the word "dread", Amy. I dread "the talk" too, but not in a "I am sexually repressed way" but more in a nostaligic kind of way. Sure, I am afraid of saying something up that might screw up my kids forever! LOL, but it's more like this is another bittersweet milestone that makes me both happy and sad...like going off to kindergarten..you are thrilled for them, you know all the wonderful things that will come their way now that they are in school, but you also know of the difficulties and heartache that accompanies growing up....you are also sad for the little child that was and will be no more.
I think I have mentioned before that I have a butterfly pin to give to my dd when she starts her period and am planning a special day for us together to celebrate her metamorphis...does this mean I can't wait for that day?? NO WAY...I don't want that day to come, but I know it will, and I will both cherish it and dread it at the same time.

[Amy2]

Ann, I can see your point, but I didn't read that interpretation in Stasee's post, or most of the others. Not that everyone in the world is sexually repressed (like my mother was) but I do think that if we come at the conversation from a nervous/dreading/embarrassed perspective, we will pass that on.

I think the butterfly pin is a sweet idea. I have a locket that I'm waiting to give Alaina. Different meaning, but a special one that I am holding until she's older and can understand.

Yes, I am not looking forward to my babes growing up either. I am thrilled for them, but I will be sad too. Tristan turned five on Tuesday. Bittersweet.

Amy

[AnnW]

Originally posted by Amy
Ann, I can see your point, but I didn't read that interpretation in Stasee's post, or most of the others.
Amy

yep...in ALL things it is a matter of how we choose to interpret it...isn't it?

[Diane]

Originally posted by AnnW


yep...in ALL things it is a matter of how we choose to interpret it...isn't it?

Well said AnnW... :biggrin:

Diane...

[KathyT]

.....was just wondering how things went with your dd stasee?

My dd is 9 and she and I had the sex talk last year. It was a piece of cake compared to the santa claus talk, lol!! She kept asking questions and I didn't think there was anything to withhold, so I gave her the facts straight, lol! I tried to be a neutral as I could, and when she asked me things like do you have to be married to have a baby, I answered with "you have to be totally in love and committed to the other person" so as not to plant that initial seed of guilt, lol!

She basically took it all in, asked if there was any other way to make a baby, and that was that. Every now and then she will ask for clarification on something and I answer very honestly because I want those lines of communication to stay open.

As far as her body developing, I have been open about those changes all along, so she knows all about that fun stuff, lol! No physical developments for her yet, but you are right, girls are developing earlier. Last summer I had dd and a friend at the local pool and her 8 yr old friend had hair under her arms - I was surprised to see that. At nine that same little friend is now wearing a bra. But I think as long as they understand the changes, they will be ok with them.

I hope things went ok for you and dd.

[AnnW]

Thanks for bringing us back on point, Kathy!!!

Stasee..I have been wondering how it went also...send her rushing into therapy yet???? LOL :newwink:

[KathyT]

Nothing like a drive by poster to bring things back into perspective, lol!!!!!

I like the butterfly idea, did you come up with that or is it some kind of tradition?

[AnnW]

Originally posted by KathyT
Nothing like a drive by poster to bring things back into perspective, lol!!!!!

I like the butterfly idea, did you come up with that or is it some kind of tradition?


ROFL!!! I stole the idea from somewhere, can't remember where so I will take total credit for it!! LOL