Giving kids today too much?

[Lynda/WA]

Are we as a society giving our children too much? Are we giving them to many material items and making things *easy* for them? The reason I'm asking is a friend owns a house next to a high school He decided to hire a hich school kid to mow his lawn. He has all the stuff at his house he just wanted someone else to do the grunt work. One day he sat out and started asking kids if they wanted the job. A number of them outright laughed at him and said *Are you kidding? I get an allowance!* He asked at least 50 kids and no-one would even consider it. How much was immaterial. He was so surprised he started asking all us adults if we ever had an after school job or even something on the side like babysitting or yard work to earn spending money while in HS. We all did.

Then I started thinking about how as a kid there was always something I wanted. A new toy or outfit. There isn't a single thing that DS wanted and didn't get at Christmas. My neice has a birthday next weekend. She had a very hard time coming up with gift suggestions for me. My SIL has complained my neice has no motivation. Could it be that she has nothing to work for?

I recently read the book *The Millionaire Next Door* and it sounded as if kids that grow up being given things turn into adults that expect an easy ride. Even as adults they spend with no thoughts to saving. Those that have to work for what they want become better money managers. I know this holds true in DHs family. The youngest son was the one that just needed to ask and he was given what he wanted. Today he spends everything he earns plus. He also still asks his two older siblings for loans.

Are we creating an entire generation of kids that expect things handed to them? A generation without motiviation and drive?

[Mickey]

I think kids are very spoiled today. I personally don't know any child whose parents don't overindulge. Even the people I know who live modestly and struggle financially always make sure their kids don't want for anything.

We asked a friend's son if he wanted to mow our lawn (it takes about 90 minutes, weed-whacking and trimming included) and he wanted $35 to do it. We have a service doing it for $30 and they have to pay taxes on that amount. And when I was in high school, I babysat two kids for $1/hour and teenagers here are expecting $6-7/hour for one child.

And you are so right, Lynda...I always "wanted" something...always trying to earn money to save up for it.

I saw a Frontline show on PBS entitled, "The Merchants of Cool" http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/cool/ and they talked about how big corporations hire research companies specializing in youth culture to find out what's "cool" They focus on selling to kids because kids have more disposable income than their parents. A big shot marketing woman talked about how the industry refers to this money the kids have as "guilt money"--the money parents give their children in lieu of their time. She said that parents feel guilty for working overtime and missing their child's soccer game and make up for it with "guilt money".

Although I know it's hard not to overindulge, I really do think that postponing gratification builds character. We don't have cable, so ds doesn't see many ads and he isn't into name brand things right now, but I know he will be when he gets into school and starts to realize what's "cool". And I, too, am guilty of overindulging where ds is concerned.

I think a lot of it has to do with transferring our own feelings of our childhood onto our children. We remember what it felt like to want so much and to wear hand-me-downs and have crooked bangs that were cut in our kitchens by our moms trying to save money. We want our kids to have it "better"--but looking back, I think I had it pretty good...crooked bangs and hand-me-downs included! LOL!

[RCT]

Lynda...I always "wanted" something...always trying to earn money to save up for it. where as todays kids think that they deserve it....I remember saving my allowances for a year to get the money for the surf board I wanted....I worked odd jobs around the neighborhood, and babysat too for around $1 to 1.50 and hour....now that would turn a kid way off.....I can remember weeding gardens and walking my neighbors dog, helping the elderly man on the corner get his shopping done....I think its hard not to give everything to your children, but I am trying not to give them the impression that they can have everything with out working for it.... we need to build up thier worth so that when they do get what it is that they want they take care of it....

I remember how I felt when I finally purchases my Board....still have it in my brothers garage in CA....in great condition too.....20 years later..... ahemmmm :biggrin:

[AnnW]

This concerns me alot. I worry about everytime I see a parent give the kid candy in the check out line cause he is screaming, or a toy cause they saw it at the store. Our kids get an allowance and they have to buy the stuff that they want from it....exception is clothes and books. DS is going to Washington DC at the end of the school year and he has had to earn a part of the cost by doing extra chores.

[angie r]

Originally posted by AnnW
This concerns me alot. I worry about everytime I see a parent give the kid candy in the check out line cause he is screaming, or a toy cause they saw it at the store.

This one really gets me! I had a friend whose dd climbed into one of those "little tikes" cars in a store. She would not come out and just screamed so her mother pushed her and the car up front and paid for it. Wow what a lesson she taught her dd! Scream and throw a fit and get what you want.

[Amy2]

My kids are completely, totally overindulged. It's really hard for us, because they are the only children/grandchildren/niece/nephews on BOTH sides of our family.

We don't have a lot of money, but we have a lot of friends, and they are incredibly generous with our children. Tristan's fifth birthday party is on Saturday, and along with all the kids he's invited, he was allowed to invite his "grown up" friends as well. He invited fifteen!

We almost didn't get him a gift because we knew he would be getting so much, but that felt awful too because we ADORE him, and of course, wanted to give him a present! (BUT dh bought him a really extravegant gift which personally, I wouldn't have chosen.)

So what we try to do is reenforce the aspect of giving as well. We donate his toys to charity. We try to encourage him to be giving, to be grateful, to be thankful. He is very young, so it's a challenge, but hopefully he will grow up with a (semi) balanced perspective.

That said, we would NEVER give him something if he screamed or cried or begged for it. And he is well aware of this. We also talk about "greedy grabbers" and if he is being one, we tell him. I do a Veruca Salt immitation "I want it NOW, Daddy!" from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He gets a big grin on his face. (Or if I do it in the store, he says "shhhh, mom!)

We ask our family and friends to be careful, but the sheer numbers make them overindulged. What can you do?

Amy

[Linda/NE]

I think many kids are over indulged. My ds (11) says that majority of kids in his class have phones in their rooms. I think they are just saying it to make themselves seem important (and rich). He suddenly too Hates clothes from a garage sale. One time he said --EWW! someone else wore it. I then reminded him how many people try on the clothes we buy in the store before we buy them. That made him think! LOL

I know some relatives who, rather than spend time with the kids, buy them new toys, clothes constantly.

I know we are guilty of buying the kids special things through out the year--not just birthdays and holidays and also buying 'fun' un-neccessary things rather than clothes, etc. Don't get me wrong, my kids are not running around naked! They just don't get a lot of new clothes.

[MaryL]

We also give our boys an allowance. $2 per week...given each Sunday with no chores attached to it! (our boys are 5 and 7) We expect them to help out, and don't pay them to do things around the house. Anyway, they can spend their money...but not on the day they receive it! That forces them to think about the purchase for at least a day. Usually they end up saving $5-6 each...and then they want to spend it. Fine. The last time they spent their money, they decided to combine their money and buy something "bigger" that they could share. Worked out great...and I think they are learning about money in a small and sensible way. We never give in to our kids when they throw a fit in the store, and actually it has probably only happened once or twice. I start every shopping trip by telling them that we are only "looking", and if they start with the gimmees, we will not be able to "look" in the toy section anymore. That's that, and we don't have problems.

I think it's nice to surprise kids with a little treat every now and then...but not every time! Sometimes we'll see a pack of baseball cards, or a small candy treat, and I'll tell them to pick one out. WOW...their expressions are priceless, and I think they are really appreciative because they know it doesn't happen that often.

[Diane]

I'm SO guilty of this... my kids were definintely over indulged and I'm not proud of it. If I could do it all over again I wouldn't just buy and hand over everything they asked for. Well... not everything but a lot of it. I can't say that they are spoileld or that they expect everything handed over to them on a silver platter. None of them are lazy and they ALL work hard for their money. They know that if they want to keep getting what their use to receiving... it's THEIR turn to work hard to earn the money in order to buy it. Both of my older dd's have worked hard in order to buy and pay for their own vehicles... pay for their own gas, insurance and for any repairs that are needed. None of them are ever too proud to stop at a garage sale or go to a second hand shop to see what they can find... like me, they appreciate a good deal. I can't say that it's really affected them... just that they never went without. (???)

Diane... :wave: