Bickering dcks

[Linda/NE]

Obviously we have kids that bicker and fight at daycare from time to time. This past week they were awful. These are school age kids, not little ones. They are all girls ages 8-10. One day this week one girl was sick and it was amazing how calm they were and who was getting along with who.
Girl #1 (the one who was sick) and girl #2 are best friends. They are both 8 and in 2nd grade. Girl #3 is 8 and in 3rd grade. Girl # 4 is her sister. Girl #5 is #3's best friend. Girl # 6 is 10, in the 5th grade and the cook/aide's dd.

#1 & #2 will be loud and wild when they get together. They will purposely do things to annoy the others. The others get sick of it and 'fight' back. This outrages #1 & #2 so they do something else, etc. The visicious cycle begins. A great deal of it is verbal, but many times it leads to physical hitting, or sticking tongues out, etc. 1 & 2 are quick to tell us (the staff) that the others should go to time out or we should tell their parents, but if they are the ones who are sent to time out than we are being mean and unfair.
(side note= our first method is warning and redirecting before time outs are given. The other girls are given time outs when needed. The above statement almost makes it sound like only 1 & 2 get sent to time out.)

Girl #1 will start the day off being loud and obnoxious before anyone even talks to her. I've tried talking to her one on one about why she doesn't like those other girls or why she acts the way she does. She's always gets on the defensive and says that we just don't like her or she will go off and pout. A couple times she has made the comment that my kids and girl # 6 never get in trouble because they are the staff's kids. We try VERY hard to be fair and make our kids follow the rules, etc. We've observed girl #1 provoke our kids by going into a different room than where she was working, just to take something from them or say something to them. Her story is that my kids are picking on her and being mean.

The other day my kids weren't there but #6 was. #1 & 2 were into it with #3,4, 5 & 6. all afternoon. This lead 3,4,5 & 6 to do things back that they shouldn't have. # 1 was the first one to go home. Suddenly #2 allowed #6 to ride her bike and she was playing with #3,4 &5!! The child had a different attitude!!

I really feel #1 is the problem, but I'm not sure how to direct the other kids to deal with her. I really think if they'd be able to not show her that she makes them mad she'd be bored with it all and move on to playing with #1.
Do you have any ideas on how to help these girls get along?? At times #1 has commented that the problem is the other girls, they just pick on her and don't like her. We've pointed out to her the times when she started the screaming/yelling/picking on before any of these other girls even spoke to her.

Yes, I have spoken with the mom and have told her what we have observed. The mom seems to understand because there have been times when she's walked in in the middle of her dds escapades and we've been dealing with her and the mom questions her dd about what she's doing wrong, etc. We also notice a change in her dd's behavior when mom walks in. If she was really bad that day and she knows we are going to tell her mom, she will bring it up to her mom first (a watered down version of course). She's an only child of a minority race. Do you think this could make her feel she needs to seek attention??

Sorry this is so long. Insights would be appreciated.

[stasee31]

Have you tried to seperate #1 and #2 during the day? Maybe if they are forced to be on different teams or in a different group project #1 will learn to befriend the other girls. Set up stations and make sure they are never at the same station at the same time.
Dont let them sit together at snacks times or while watching a movie. Maybe even make #3 be #1's buddy and #2 be #5's buddy and so on. mix them up a little and see if that pulls her out of this. Try to remember it is age approprate at this age for them to bicker and argue and be guarded over whos best friend is whos.
Good Luck!

[AnnW]

Every single time #1 acts up, you put her in some kind of time out. If she and #2 act up, seperate them. It's gonna be a pain, but be on top of it every time, explaining that behavior won't be allowed, no discussion.

[vea29]

Gotta love when these thing pop up...we had this boy and girl who were best friends and the summer before they went to kindgarten...alll they did was fight and I'm talking full fleg fist fights We ended up taking theboy and putting him in my room with the toddlers because I was the only one who could calm him down. After a while he was asking to go back and play with the girl (promising to notfight)...That lasted a few hours then they'd startagain.

Think you just have to keep breaking up the clicks for little breaks from each other.

[JAK]

Do they have a lot of free time to do waht they want to do. With girls of that age you really need to keep them involved in something or they have more free time to get on each other's nerves. I would do what Ann suggested and let the girls know why you are doing it. They are old enough to understand!

[Linda/NE]

Thanks for the good ideas!!

While we don't have extremely structured activities afterschool, they do have things to do. All the kids have to find something to do, that is contained in one room. These 2 girls either choose to do beads (fusable beads they put on pegboards and then we iron them) or draw pictures and write stories. The problems arise when the other girls choose to do the same activity. #1 constantly compares the other kids' misbehaving and consequences to her own if it is to her benefit. She's quick to point out that a certain behavior deserves time out, unless she's the one doing the behavior.

This week promises to be a little easier as #1 will only be there before school (and not after) 3 out of the 5 days. She's the only one there before school too.
Thanks again!! I'll give them a try.