why forgive???

[netmechwife]

If someone wrongs you should you forgive them?
Let the debate begin!!!

[AnnW]

Yes, for your own peace of mind at the very least. I have found that if I don't the hurt/anger eats at me to where I am comsumed by it and I have given the person who wronged me so much power over my life. By forgiving them, I am really free of them.

[Linda/NE]

I've thought a lot about this the past couple years. (Long story, I won't get into here)

We discussed this at MOPS when I used to go and I know this question came up. Some of the feelings in my group were if I forgive someone for wronging me it's almost like I'm saying, "I give up, you win." As we discussed it more, we discovered it was more an issue of giving it over to God for him to deal with this person.

One thing I've always had trouble with is; I was raised in the belief that God forgives us if we are truly sorry for our mistake. So, I subconsciously felt that I shouldn't have to forgive someone for their wrong doing against me if they didn't apologize and weren't sorry for it. In the past few months I've come to realize this again is in God's hands. Some of the people who hurt me, I am now seeing going through very rough times (similar to what they put me through.)

Tough thing to do, but I believe it is very necessary for personal growth. :)

[darlene]

I've encountered this with one person in particular.....after the first time she hurt me I brushed it off and went on thinking we were friends....after the second and third and etc....I have not forgiven her, just blocked her out of my daily living. I have talked to many others who have "crossed her path" and they have had similar dealings with her.
I feel it depends on what/how big the wrong was.

:)

[darlene]

For me it also depends on whether the wrong was done intentially (sp?) or was an accident.

:)

[angie r]

I believe you should forgive someone if they wrong you. It may not be easy though!! Prayer was my only way through some things that have happened to me. Holding anger or a grudge just eats me alive.

[Mickey]

I agree with Ann...they have the power if you don't let it go.

And I agree that not forgiving or letting something go doesn't hurt the person who wronged you at all--it just hurts you and your loved ones who see you agonizing over it.

That said, I've never had to forgive someone for something very big. So it's easy for me to sit here and say, "Let it go!"

I've seen people on t.v. say that they forgive their daughter's killer even when the killer showed no remorse. I think that's amazing. I have no idea how I would handle something like that. I think I'd have to work on not hating and wanting to kill the guy first and then see if I could eventually let go of my anger. Not sure if I could truly forgive someone for something like that.

[coulie]

Originally posted by netmechwife
If someone wrongs you should you forgive them?
Let the debate begin!!!

Forgive? why not? what will it cost you?

[angie r]

Originally posted by Mickey
I've seen people on t.v. say that they forgive their daughter's killer even when the killer showed no remorse. I think that's amazing. I have no idea how I would handle something like that. I think I'd have to work on not hating and wanting to kill the guy first and then see if I could eventually let go of my anger. Not sure if I could truly forgive someone for something like that.

That is a great point Mickey. I am against the death penalty, but if one of my babies had been in the daycare when Timothy McVeigh drove that truck in front of it........I am thinking I might feel very differently about that. That has to be the ultimate in forgiveness.

[kathleen]

Forgiving someone doesn't mean that they are no longer responsible for their actions or that they should be "let off" of anything ... to me, forgiving is important to get on with things, so the anger doesn't eat you up inside

But, like another poster, I have never had any serious wrongs done to me or my family, so it is very easy for me to say this!

[Diane]

I know that forgiving is the "RIGHT" thing to do... but sometimes actually having to do it isn't always that easy. I once had a friend who was constantly doing things to annoy me. Whether she was doing these things on purpose or not was debatable but after about the umpteenth time... I finally realized that she was no longer someone I considered a "friend" but just somebody that I was just putting up with because she was "suppose" to be a friend. LOL Well... I "forgave" her but I no longer have anything to do with her. Now some may say that I have not totally "forgiven" her because if I had I'd still be her friend and welcome her back into my heart and home but... after already having several bad experiences with her, I found it easier to "like" her if I distanced myself from her. I can forgive but sometimes it takes a lot to forget, especially when/if it's been done to you by the same person over and over again on a continual basis. Does forgiving someone also mean forgetting about it too? I hope my post makes sense. LOL

Diane P.

[Amy]

I can forgive easily because i rarely let it happen again. If they are not remorseful or don't try to make it up, than I may forgive them, but it lessens the importance they play in my life.

[AnnW]

I got into an interesting discussion with my brother (the minister) about forgiveness. Many people believe that the forgiveness is based of the person's show of remorse when you say you forgive them. That if they don't show remorse, you don't have to forgive them. Actually it really has nothing to do with the recipient's reaction at all, but the forgivers action of offering forgiveness.
You also have the right (biblically speaking) to disengage yourself from someone who continually hurts you even after you have offered forgiveness.

This is sort of interesting..I get daily inspirational messages from my church via email....here's was today's.

Forgiveness is an act, not a feeling.
Forgiveness is an act of faith. It's trusting God to be a better arbiter
of justice than you.

[netmechwife]

Kathleen, I agree with you. Forgiving does not mean ignoring the situation or not allowing the person to live with the consequences.

When I was a child, I was abused by 3 different people. One of which was my mom's boyfriend. When I became a Christian, by God's grace and forgiveness for my sins I was able to forgive these men. I had a harder time forgiving my mom because I thought she was supposed to be my protector. She had hurt me more deeply than anyone ever has. It took me a year to get to the point that I could give it to God and forgive her. I realized that if God can forgive me of all my sins past, present and future, then how can I not forgive my mom or anyone else for that matter. God's love is so great that I can love my mom because He loves me.

And with the consequences issue in mind, one of my abusers lawyers are trying to get him up for early parole on a technicality. I have forgiven this man, but unless I am sure he has changed I don't want any other girls to be hurt by him. He still must have consequences for what he has done. Also, if he does get out does that mean that I will let my children be close to him without an adult around? No, though I have forgiven him, I will not allow myself or family into a position where he can hurt us.

Forgiveness says that "I am extending grace and mercy for the thing you did. I will not throw it back in your face. It is in the past. You will still be accountable for your actions and pay consequences for what you have done. But I am no longer angry."

These verses have helped me to forgive others:
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Matthew 5:7

I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for Mine own names sake, and will not remember thy sins.
Isaiah 43:25

So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.
Romans 14:12

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:12


For the Lord is good and His love endures forever. His mercies will not fail us. He is faithful to all generations:)

[netmechwife]

Forgiving is an act of faith. Knowing that God promises:
"I am the Lord thy God, I will repay."

I agree that it is ok to distance yourself from the person and not allow yourself into a place where they could hurt you again.

Would it be wise for me to be alone with my abusers even though I have forgiven them? I don't think so.

I have however started visiting my mom in the last three years and she even tried to apologize for not being the kind of mom she should. She was so relieved when I told her that I had already forgiven it and we are growing really close.

[kathleen]

to netmechwife:

How terrible this much have been for you as a child -- I cannot imagine your sadness.

But how wonderful your strenth and that you know the healing powers of God's love.

[netmechwife]

It really doesn't hurt much anymore. It was hard when I first got married but my dh was so understanding and loving.

I am excited that now the Lord can use me to encourage and help others who are going through it or have been through it.

My sisters are having a harder time with their abuse though. My heart aches for them...

Thanks for your thoughtfulness...

[kat]

Forgiving is something that you do for yourself, to cease to feel resentment against an offender . I don't think that you can get past the hurt until you forgive. That may be one reason that some parents can forgive the murderer of a child. The lose is so much greater with the added burden of resentment.

[netmechwife]

Good response Kat. I agree... :)

[RCT]

I agree with AnnW also....forgiveness is really for your own soul and peace of mind.....forgiveness isn't forgetting.....being wronged, can make you more cautious in your relationships, which can be good and bad, but we all learn from things, and forgiveness is key in living a healthy life...or so I believe.....I would be crazy if I kept a crude, so I don't but I never let people walk on me more than once.....LOL..