More 9.5 dd question

[Amy]

Dd has had a rather huge growth spurt in the last 6 months. During these changes she has had other changes as well and not sure if it is just her age or something more.

She has become very unresponsible and a huge protagonist. She loved her hammie, but became forgetful of feeding her, watering her and cleaning her cage. I had to remind her daily. She also got her ears pierced on the premise that it would be her responsibility to keep her ears cleaned daily. After 5 infections and 2 months later, I took them out permanently. Homework that involves constant participation (like a school project or reading journal) overwhelms her and she avoids it until the last minute and then either freaks out or can't "find" the materials necessary to do the homework. Then she wants me to write a note to her teacher to get her off the hook. :rolleyes: The teacher also said she has become very unfocused at school.

Is this a normal awkward stage?

[AnnW]

yep! it's like they are right on the fence of growing up and they know it, part of them wants to be "big" and the other part unconsciously wants to not grow up.
Are you perhaps expecting more from her because she 'seem's older and more capable in comparrison to ds? she might be rebelling against that. or flip side is ds getting extra attention for being the baby of family? maybe she is wanting that?
I also found that I had to be a more active participant in dd's activities rather than trusting they would get done. Setting up specific times for reading or homework, no changes, no negotiation. It frustrated me and I found/find myself saying 'but she is x years old, she shouldn't need this constant reminder' but she does.

[Amy]

I have tried by breaking down her chores into a checklist. When she gets home from school, she gets 45 minutes off to relax and then do homework and chores. If she put her mind to it, it would take 45 minutes for everything. But as she is going upstairs, her eyes catch the tv, she gets drawn in and 10 minutes later I am reminding her to get upstairs and start her work. Then something upstairs interests her and she will spend 30 minutes on that before I catch her. By now it is 7pm and she only has her math homework done. :rolleyes: I talked to her teacher at school and she now is giving different due dates for homework assignments. Instead of getting 3 reading journal entries done by next Friday, she will have one done by Monday, one by Wed and one by Friday, so she doesn't save it all for the last day. This is really embarrassing to her. She doesn't like to be singled out like this, but she is also aware she is not being responsible of her time management. She has mentioned that she doesn't like herself because she is clumsy and is always forgetting things (like her train of thought). She is not proud that she is a protagonist. If I didn't know better, I would think she had a mild form of ADD. The only thing against that is this stage has only arisen in the last 6 months. She is able to learn and retain information perfectly well and her grade are great.

[BevJ]

The only thing against that is this stage has only arisen in the last 6 months. She is able to learn and retain information perfectly well and her grade are great.
Then it sounds to me like normal 9.5 year old stuff. Yikes, lol. Ds got his ear pierced when he was almost 8 and he kept getting infection after infection also so we ended up taking it out for good, and that was even with cleaning it.

[AnnW]

DD can't do homework in her room, she gets too distracted. Why not have her do it at the breakfast table? You are near by if she needs you, and she can't get too easily distracted.
Have you set timers for doing chores? Set a timer for x amount of minutes and then it needs to be done.
Can you set the journal entry as part of her homework time?
Does she have an agenda book where she writes everything down? If not, start one. If so, sit down with her every day and go over what's on the list for today.
Anything else happen at home within the last 6 months??

[MaryL]

Homework is done at our home as soon as we get home from school. No "relaxation" period for us...that was what the car ride home was for! :lol: I find it's best with my dks to just "stay in the work mode" and get it all done right away. They know that when they finish, the rest of the evening is theirs. No computer, game cube, t.v., etc. until the homework is done, though. They do their homework at the kitchen table where I can keep an eye on what's going on. They know that I am available for questions...but that I am not doing their homework for them. I quiz my boys on spelling words during breakfast in the mornings, and math facts in the car. Our school gives each child an assignment notebook (grades 3-8 ), and it contains all of the assignments for the day. The kids check off whether it was completed in school, or at home. It's easy for me to check what dks have for homework, and I sign the assignment books each night.

During the school week I keep chores to a minimum. I expect the boys to make their beds in the morning, keep the living room straightened of their stuff, and give the rats (pets) something to eat. Today we got alot of snow, so they both helped me shovel after school. We save most other chores for Saturday (or Friday night if we have a really busy weekend!). New to our "routine" is that on Sundays they help me put their laundry away before they go to bed. :yippee:

[Cathy]

I agree that the kitchen table is the best place for homework. I used to have the 3 question rule. I would answer any three questions that dd3 had about her homework....not to the actual questions, but how to figure it out or where to look it up. After 3 she was on her own. (We had a short time where she seemed to think it was MY homework.) But I think anything that helps them know that THEY are responsible and you are there to support is good. Amy, she will feel better about herself when she makes better choices. If you are softened and swayed by her saying negative things, she'll start to wonder if they're true.

Let her know that you expect her to handle homework and chores. Period. Suggesting that she set timers and encouraging her to organize her assignments and routine are good support.

This is based on a typically developing 9 yo, not someone who is actually truly struggling.
Now that I've rambled and repeated myself........ I'm off to check on the fish.

[Amy]

It's funny that you say the kitchen table. We bought her a desk for her b-day and put in her room so she wouldn't be interrupted. When she was doing work at the kitchen table, there was way too much commotion from ds, the dogs, the phone ringing, me getting dinner ready and etc.

Her daily chores are to spend 5 minutes every day picking up her room, clean off the stairs of her stuff, have me sign her planner and one other thing to do, depending on the day. One day is dusting her dresser, cleaning the sleeping area of the hamster cage (no longer an issue) and putting away her laundry and etc. Her actual chore are only 15 minutes a day and it is written out for her. She knows that once her free time is up, she can't watch tv, play or get on the computer until it is done. Some days she does great, others she mopes around, avoiding the work and saying she wished she could watch tv. LOL

Cathy, we actually talked about making good choices and how we feel when we make the right choice. In theory, she understands and WANTS to make good choices, but the reality is that she actually has to do things she doesn't really want to do in order for the choice to be good. I keep reminding her that good choices aren't always the easiest choice. Man, she hates that saying. ROFL

[littlesista06]

Homework is done at our home as soon as we get home from school. No "relaxation" period for us...that was what the car ride home was for! :lol: I find it's best with my dks to just "stay in the work mode" and get it all done right away. They know that when they finish, the rest of the evening is theirs. No computer, game cube, t.v., etc. until the homework is done, though. They do their homework at the kitchen table where I can keep an eye on what's going on. They know that I am available for questions...but that I am not doing their homework for them. I quiz my boys on spelling words during breakfast in the mornings, and math facts in the car. Our school gives each child an assignment notebook (grades 3-8 ), and it contains all of the assignments for the day. The kids check off whether it was completed in school, or at home. It's easy for me to check what dks have for homework, and I sign the assignment books each night.

During the school week I keep chores to a minimum. I expect the boys to make their beds in the morning, keep the living room straightened of their stuff, and give the rats (pets) something to eat. Today we got alot of snow, so they both helped me shovel after school. We save most other chores for Saturday (or Friday night if we have a really busy weekend!). New to our "routine" is that on Sundays they help me put their laundry away before they go to bed. :yippee:

This is so similar to how I handle dd. She comes home and takes off to the playroom where her desk is and says "I'll be upstairs if you need me". LOL
She also has the PTA's planner which is cool and she brings me work to see, and hw to check after she's done. I rarely am needed for the daily stuff. I call out vocabulary and check math, then dh covers the Science and Soc. Studies work she has.

If she's hungry when she gets home, she'll grab a snack and then hit the books. Once she's done with hw, and it's not a dance or Brownie night, she can have 30 mins. of TV in the afternoon and then after dinner/bath and reviewing Sci. or Soc. Stud. with dad, she can see another 30 mins. before bed. Her daily chores are centered around dinnertime (clear table, vacuum kitchen, trash out, etc.) while she has vacuuming and pick up to do over the weekends and making her bed is the first thing she does after she gets up.

I guess she's a self-motivator as I remember coming home from school and doing anything to put off getting to homework. lol And I have to add, somedays I do great around here with my own chores then there are days when I mope around and do whatever I can to put off starting them. If you find something that motivates your dd, pass it on here. :tinysmile:

[AnnW]

I think the homework right after school really depends on the child. When ds first started having homework, I would have him do it right after school cause I always heard that was the best. He came to me in about 3rd grade and said, 'mommy, when i come home from school, i need to play. i have been sitting all day and i just need to run around, i promise i will do my homework as soon as the dinner dishes are cleared' it worked beautifully.
with dd, she was pretty much the same way and we did homework after dinner, just recently she has come in and said 'i am starting to have more homework and i get tired in the evenings, so i want to do mine after i have snack' that's working well for her. she will go back and forth depending on the amount.
we also moved her from the breakfast room table to the dining room table.....still near but less comotion.

[BevJ]

Our ds used to always do his hw right after school because dh would make him, lol. He'd get 30 min. or so to play at the sitters then dh would bring him home and get him started on hw (I'd still be at work). After he stopped going to the sitter's he'd just come home and start doing it right away so he could play after dinner. Now he just does it whenever he feels like it, lol...but mostly directly and dinner and before he goes out.

[Pass the Pesto]

I agree with doing hw as soon as you get home and at a place where a parent can supervise, answer questions if needed.

Children (both boys and girls) go through a transition stage between ages 7 and 10. it is both physically and emotionally draiing and demanding.

This book is geared toward parents/family members/caregivers of boys, but I would recommend it to those of girls as well. it's entitled, "Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys". (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/sim-explorer/explore-items/-/0345434854/0/101/1/none/purchase/ref%3Dpd%5Fsxp%5Fr0/103-4123106-6872648)

And this one:
Girls Will be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters (http://print.google.com/print?id=N5EVJj9C1P8C&lpg=101&dq=for+raising+preteen+girls&prev=http://www.google.com/search%3Fhl%3Den%26lr%3D%26q%3DBooks%2Bfor%2Braising%2Bpreteen%2Bgirls&pg=0_1&printsec=0&sig=3yWoXe3e__IwuI2718fsHn7YUIM)

Hope this helps, and remember, that which does not kill us, makes us stronger ;)