repeating kindergarten

[Angie L]

We met with my sons school teacher about three weeks ago because we got a letter from his school saying they were thinking of holding him back. His teacher at that time told us that since he started on his medicine 3 months ago she has seen great changes in him. But she feels he really needs to repeat kindergarten because she doesn't think he is ready for first grade. We were told at that time it was our choice. After discussing it as a family I went to her and told her we decided we wanted him to move up to first grade. I was informed at this time that it is not our choice and if they want to hold him back they will anyways. I am just so aggravated. He doesn't want to stay in kindergarten but I am having so much trouble trying to convince them that it is not the best choice for him. I am sorry vent here but I am going nuts and need to talk to someone

AngieL--Vent away! This is not a little thing--and especially when it pertains to your child. From a teacher perspective, I'd say that sometimes it's better to have a really easy "academic" year, such as your son would have if he stayed in kindergarten. He'd be able to focus on some of the more challenging parts of the learning, and demonstrate mastery of some of the socialization and introductory reading and writing skills that he has learned this year.Socially, he'd be at no disadvantage to the other children in his new class, because they will all be entering at the same time, and no one will have firm peer groups. That's one advantage of repeating kindergarten.

But, as a parent, I'd want to make sure that my child had a totally different experience. New teacher, new room, new backpack, etc. so there is no feeling of failure. It's just different, not bad. A new school may be extreme, but it is an option that you have.

Sometimes schools and teachers (ack!) pretend that they have power where they don't. You probably have another option that they haven't told you about. You could, in writing of course (to be placed in your son's file), thank them for their advice and refuse to take it. It may help if you say that you do not have unrealistic expectations for your son, and that you are not 'setting him up for failure', but that you feel sure that he will be able to meet the challenge of first grade. (blah, blah,blah) Be clear that you will not hold them responsible for his struggles, but will lend appropriate support. Remind them that you are his parent and know best what he is able to handle.

Sorry this is long, and I apologize in advance if I sound bossy, but I think sometimes parents get intimidated by 'the professionals'. Good luck with whatever you decide. Your son is lucky to have you to advocate for him.

[AnnW]

So..they are flunking him?? They are essentially saying that his classwork was not at grade level...is that way they are telling you? They can NOT hold him back because of maturity IF his work is at grade level. Have you requested a meeting with the teacher, counselor and principal? Do you have all his other report cards?
How frustrating!

[PamE]

I'm in the opposite boat. We had the meeting, all agreed that ds needs to be held back and the teacher promoted him!!!

If all else fails and they refuse to promote your ds would homeschooling be an option for you? Even if you only hs for one year they will put him in the grade you say when he goes back! I hope you get it all resolved easily.

[Leigh]

I just wanted to let you know that I hope everything turns out okay. I don't really have any advice though. I'll be thinking about ya'll.

[Diane]

My dd was held back in kindergarten because she had a bad start (EXTREMELY shy) but by the middle of her school year she was doing well and pretty much keeping up with the rest of the children in her classroom... but they decided to hold her back anyway. I wasn't too sure about their decision but the next year was VERY pleased when we saw how well she was doing. She was actually way ahead of the rest of the kids in her classroom. It was SO nice not to see her have to struggle and work so hard to keep up. It did a lot for her self esteem and she was a lot happier. Of course it was hard for her to see all of her other classmates go on to lst grade but she adjusted quickly. I have no great advice for you either but just wanted to wish my best with whatever happens. In our case holding her back worked best... If you truely believe that your ds could do well in lst grade then I'd certainly do everything I could to see to it that that's where he ended up, but if it's going to be nothing but a struggle for him... perhaps repeating wouldn't be such of a bad thing. (???)

Diane P. :wave:

[TXmom]

When my ds repeated 2nd grade, we had him return to the same 2nd grade teacher he'd had the year before. The reasoning was that he had had a good year with that teacher, we knew her and liked her, and didn't want to risk the repeated year being a bad one due to a teacher we didn't work well with - it was a "safe" place for him to go to.
He was completely against it, but adjusted really well. It help a lot that we worked with the teachers and principal to make sure this was out in the open with all the other students. Not something for him to hide or be ashamed of.

[Diane]

Originally posted by TXmom
When my ds repeated 2nd grade, we had him return to the same 2nd grade teacher he'd had the year before. The reasoning was that he had had a good year with that teacher, we knew her and liked her, and didn't want to risk the repeated year being a bad one due to a teacher we didn't work well with - it was a "safe" place for him to go to.
He was completely against it, but adjusted really well. It help a lot that we worked with the teachers and principal to make sure this was out in the open with all the other students. Not something for him to hide or be ashamed of.

We did the same thing... She had the same teacher/same class room, and she felt very comfortable when she started school with everything being familiar. Her teacher was absolutely wonderful... and that was what really made it work for dd. She's always done well since... no problems. :)

Diane P. :wave:

[RCT]

ds is also in Kindergarden, and is having trouble with his penmenship, almost everyone in his class can use the pencil and crayon correctly, and ds is behind....they say its normal, but suggested summer program so he could catch up....we are seriously thinking of this, its 6 weeks 1/2 days, and could help him....holding your child back seems harsh...I would take a meeting with the teacher and explain your concerns......keep us posted

[kat]

I wouldn't hold a child back for poor penmanship.