Wedding meal for vegetarian?

[Lynda/WA]

This was in Ann Landers/Dear Abby. A vegetarian bride is getting married with a sit down meal. She wants only vegetarian options. At least some guests want non-vegetarian options. Do you feel she should provide choices that will make her guests happy or one that fits her beliefs?

[Diane]

If it were me I'd try to have something for everybody... Personally... I'd probably be pretty disappointed if I ever attended a wedding and had to sit down to a vegetarian dinner. :) That's not to say that all vegetarian meals are not good/tasty because I'm guessing they probably are... but just not for everybody! If people are nice/kind enough to come to my wedding... I think the least I should do is provide a good meal for them that they will enjoy eating. I don't think I'd feel good serving my guests something that they didn't enjoy eating. JMHO :)

Diane... :wave:

[Linda/NE]

Whats the groom say about this?

It is her wedding and she should get to do things her way, however, if she wants people to share her day with her she may need to accomodate to them. If someone has a party they usually provide food their guests will like so they will have a good time and enjoy themselves.

Then again she would want to be true to her beliefs. Some couples feel very strongly against alcohol and will not serve it at their wedding. Of course, alcohol isn't a need people have, where food is.

My BIL's wedding comes to mind with this. They served only spaghetti and lasagne type dishes. There was nothing there I could eat. The fact that, that is what they served was fine, but what upset me is that they knew these were foods I couldn't eat and they never told me. Had I known I could have planned to eat before hand rather than having to leave and get something somewhere else. Since I was family I didn't think that would have been that hard to let me know--of course I'm sure it never crossed their mind.

Since vegetarian choices may be a big problem for some people, I think the least she should do is let the guests know a head of time what type of food will be served.

Then again meat dishes would be a problem for vegetarians also and I doubt many couples would even think about letting guests know.

Guess I dont' really know what to think! LOL

[jbaxter]

the way I see it. It is HER wedding let her choose the menu. If people can't handle being served one vegetarian meal then let them go out afterwards and pick up a burger somewhere. she doesn't have to serve a meal, punch and cookies have been the mainstay of many a wedding reception.

Let them eat veggies!!

LOL as I wolf down a quarter pounder LOL

janice

[Amy2]

I think she should absolutely have a vegetarian menu. Most people who eat meat don't just have a big ole slab of meat, but eat it with potatoes, veggies, salad, etc. There would probably be plenty to eat. Now, Vegan might be harder, but anyone who knows and loves a vegan knows that there is a bunch of stuff surrounding their eating, and would understand. Or at least I would. If you are invited to someone's party, you should be a gracious guest, and not demand that they accomodate you. MHO.
Amy

[KarlaB]

I have a cousin who is vegetarian and at her wedding reception meat was served. I am also wondering about the groom on this - if he is not vegetarian is he going to be forced to be one because of her beliefs? I feel like if it were my reception I would serve both, but then again I don't have strong feelings about being a vegetarian as she must have so I don't know that my opinion would be a fair one. Am I even making sense this morning? Feels like I am talking in circles! :crazyroll LOL

[Lynda/WA]

Ref - the groom - he wasn't mentioned in the column in either letter.

Ref - going and buying something else - I worked at a bar and ballroom that served sit down meals mainly for weddings with a reception and dance following. It was located an easy half hour from any fast food place. The other large main ballroom was even further away. Also, my mom always based her gift in part on how much the bride and groom had to spend on them as well as other factors. So if they were invited for the dinner and dance they spent more than if just invited for the dinner. The sit down meals tended to have about 300-350 people at about 10 dollars a plate (based on reserved seats not how many actually ate the meal). Dances would have over 500 people. If she was invited to the meal as well she and Dad were invited to the meal they would spend an additional 30$ on the gift than if only to the dance. Sort of reimbursing the bride and groom for the cost of the meal. I can imagine my dad especially would be rather PO'd if he was forced to drive 1 hour round trip and buy a meal if they had been anticipating eating the meal they were invited to.

This was a letter that had already appeared before and had others writing in to respond as well. The best one I saw was when the bride had the menu listed before hand. Anyone needing something different could have a special meal prearranged. Sort of like on an airline.

one reader pointed out that while it is the brides day, she also has a responsibility to ensure her guests have a good time. That may include providing them with a meal they consider tasty.

Another reader pointed out that some vegetarians are against the killing of animals. They would be going against their principles by serving meat.

I can see both sides of this. I think the bride/groom need to consider their guests. After all a good host/hostess isn't just after the gift! That may mean letting everyone know in advance so either the guests or host(ess) can make other arrangements. I also think the guests should make an effort to honor the bride/grooms wishes. Sort of like you would do if going to someones house. You also need to remember that usually a wedding meal has to be limited in selection to keep down cost. In Linda/NE's case they deffinately should have let her know. Half of my in-laws have special diet needs/wants and I try to accomadate them. They usually aren't as considerate!

[Amy2]

KarlaB, you really can't "force" someone to become a vegetarian. I don't eat red meat, but my dh is a carnivore! He eats it at work, or if he's cooking for just himself he'll grab a steak. If we go out, he will sometimes order meat while I won't. He doesn't eat a lot of it because he knows it's not really good for him to eat too much, but he doesn't feel the same way philisophically as I do, which is fine. I imagine if the groom isn't a vegetarian himself, he knows her, loves her, and wants to do what she wants on their wedding day. Otherwise, it would probably be a different issue "Dear Ann, I want a vegetarian reception, but my fiance disagrees....."

Amy

[Brichard]

For those interested, I thought I'd give a Biblical perspective. A friend of mine pointed out to me that in the beginning man was vegiterian. IE, Adam and Eve were vegetarian. It is not until after the flood that God gives man the ability to eat meat. I don't know the verse verbatim, but I could look it up if anybody is interested. So, based on my beliefs... it is ok to eat meat, but there is certainly no reason you have to.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with being a vegetarian in my mind and I agree that veggies are very good for you. If the wedding party chooses to serve steak, hamburgers, or spaghetti... it shouldn't matter. It is their wedding and they can serve what they want. As a guest you can either eat what they serve or graciously decline.

My sister-in-law is a vegetarian, but she is cool with others eating meat around her. When I most recently went to visit my brother, she ordered a pizza for me with meat on it. I usually order mushroom and onion, but I thought it was cute that she was going out of her way to make me feel comfortable!

BTW, since we are talking about Weddings and food...

Am I the only person that dislikes Wedding cake? I'm more of a pie man then a cake man in general, but I find Wedding cake icing sickeningly sweet! I acknowledge that there are many different types of wedding cake, but they all taste about the same to me! Yeeecccchhh!

lol :biglaugh:

[Diane]

Originally posted by Brichard
For those interested, I thought I'd give a Biblical perspective. A friend of mine pointed out to me that in the beginning man was vegiterian. IE, Adam and Eve were vegetarian. It is not until after the flood that God gives man the ability to eat meat. I don't know the verse verbatim, but I could look it up if anybody is interested. So, based on my beliefs... it is ok to eat meat, but there is certainly no reason you have to.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with being a vegetarian in my mind and I agree that veggies are very good for you. If the wedding party chooses to serve steak, hamburgers, or spaghetti... it shouldn't matter. It is their wedding and they can serve what they want. As a guest you can either eat what they serve or graciously decline.

My sister-in-law is a vegetarian, but she is cool with others eating meat around her. When I most recently went to visit my brother, she ordered a pizza for me with meat on it. I usually order mushroom and onion, but I thought it was cute that she was going out of her way to make me feel comfortable!

BTW, since we are talking about Weddings and food...

Am I the only person that dislikes Wedding cake? I'm more of a pie man then a cake man in general, but I find Wedding cake icing sickeningly sweet! I acknowledge that there are many different types of wedding cake, but they all taste about the same to me! Yeeecccchhh!

lol :biglaugh:

I'm not too big on wedding cake either and usually end up passing on them. Sometimes we celebrate many birthday's in the same month and needless to say... cake gets pretty annoying after a while, so we've started celebrating with the birthday person's favorite pie... complete with candles. LOL I very seldom find a cake I really LIKE... always much too sweet! :)

Diane P. :wave:

[kat]

I'm more of a pie man then a cake man in general

My oldest ds is the same way. We always had birthday pie. I can see both sides of the issue after my initial reaction of, "why must she try to force her views on me". But then I tried to use the alcohol analogy. Even though some of my friends drink and I have no problem with that, I would still not serve alcohol at my reception. If the bride feels strongly about killing mammals then she should not compromise her principles. It's just one meal, and it is her day, I think her guests could find something to eat. Our minister and his family are vegetarian and they manage to eat just fine at all our get togethers, most of the time they eat before and just enjoy desserts.

[Linda/NE]

Originally posted by kat
I'm more of a pie man then a cake man in general

It's just one meal, and it is her day, I think her guests could find something to eat. Our minister and his family are vegetarian and they manage to eat just fine at all our get togethers, most of the time they eat before and just enjoy desserts.

I think the needs of the guests need to be considered, though. While they may very well find something to eat, it may not be the kinds of food that will satisfy their appetite. If the guests aren't aware of the foods being served, they don't have the option of eating before hand. Thinking as if I were a guest, there are a lot of foods (fruits and vegetables included) that I CAN NOT eat. It's not that I dont' like them, they don't like me! LOL :). Also, my system is so touchy that if I don't eat adequately at meal times or get too hungry, I get sick. Yes, the couple should get to have the kind of wedding they want, but if they want their guests to enjoy their day with them, they need to let them know what is being served. I could see guests leaving when they find out what the meal is, and the couple possibly taking offense to their leaving early. Seems to me it would save a lot of misunderstanding to just let people know what is going on. Communication is so important in this world--even in wedding invitations.

[kat]

For those interested, I thought I'd give a Biblical perspective. A friend of mine pointed out to me that in the beginning man was vegiterian. IE, Adam and Eve were vegetarian. It is not until after the flood that God gives man the ability to eat meat.

Genesis 9:3

In Acts 10:15 Peter is encouraged to eat meat while in a trance and told not to call anything impure that God has made clean.

Linda, while I agree the bride might let the guests know ahead of time what was on the menu, if you've invited a couple hundred people you can't possible cover everyone's food issues.

[Linda/NE]

Originally posted by kat
[b]
Linda, while I agree the bride might let the guests know ahead of time what was on the menu, if you've invited a couple hundred people you can't possible cover everyone's food issues.

I would think simply mentioning in the invitation that there will be a vegetarian ( or whatever) meal served would give guests a good idea of what they need to do to meet their dietary needs.

[Diane]

quote:
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Originally posted by kat
I'm more of a pie man then a cake man in general

My oldest ds is the same way. We always had birthday pie. I can see both sides of the issue after my initial reaction of, "why must she try to force her views on me". But then I tried to use the alcohol analogy. Even though some of my friends drink and I have no problem with that, I would still not serve alcohol at my reception. If the bride feels strongly about killing mammals then she should not compromise her principles. It's just one meal, and it is her day, I think her guests could find something to eat. Our minister and his family are vegetarian and they manage to eat just fine at all our get togethers, most of the time they eat before and just enjoy desserts.
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You know... when you word it like that (about the alcohol and drinking) it really does make a lot of sense. LOL A lot of our friends drink but when any of my dd's get married we have absolutely no intentions of paying or serving alcohol at their weddings either... same difference I guess. I do agree though that they should make it know that it is going to be a vegetarian meal... that way those who don't care for that kind of a meal can eat somewhere else before they come. :)

Diane P. :wave:

[RCT]

She should do what she wants! Dh is a total vegan, no meat, fish or eggs or even egg products...makes it hard of the rest of us Carnivors...LOL....but you adjust....as far as a sit down dinner, I am sure she will find a scrumptous vegan meal for all.....most people know when someone is a vegetarian, and can adjust for one meal I would hope....interesting question...

[KarlaB]

Originally posted by Amy
KarlaB, you really can't "force" someone to become a vegetarian. I don't eat red meat, but my dh is a carnivore! He eats it at work, or if he's cooking for just himself he'll grab a steak. If we go out, he will sometimes order meat while I won't. He doesn't eat a lot of it because he knows it's not really good for him to eat too much, but he doesn't feel the same way philisophically as I do, which is fine. I imagine if the groom isn't a vegetarian himself, he knows her, loves her, and wants to do what she wants on their wedding day. Otherwise, it would probably be a different issue "Dear Ann, I want a vegetarian reception, but my fiance disagrees....."

Amy

I guess I worded that wrong and didn't mean it quite so literally. I know people can't be "forced" into things like that and maybe should have posed it as, "If he's currently not vegan, will his current eating preference be affected once they are married?" Not like she will be forcing her views on him or that he's not a "big boy" and can't make decisions or stand up for himself, but just that when cooking for two it would seem like an extra effort to always be preparing two separate meals especially if he really preferred meals with meat. (Does that make sense?) Like I said I'm not a vegan and therefore didn't think that even giving my opinion would be fair. Sorry for the confusion.

I know there are lots of yummy veg meals and options. i.e. When we get together with my cousin, my grandma makes a lasagna with meat and one without. I think ultimately it should be the bride's choice, but that maybe somehow people could be informed of the meal being served because it would be quite a waste if guests didn't like the meal and didn't eat. :( (Yes, this could happen with any meal served - meat or vegan.) I have received many response cards that allowed the guests to pick which meal they wanted when they rsvp'd. Usually choices were pork or beef, or something along that line, but she could list one veg meal and one with a meat?? It'd be interesting to see what the bride decided in the end. :)