Soooo...

[Diane]

Who all has their tree's up? I won't be putting mine up for a few more weeks yet... but I see a lot of my neighbors have already put theirs up. Also... how many trees do you put up? I was thinking about buying one for the family room but I'm not too sure if I want to deal with decorating and undecorating two of them.

[angie r]

I am fully decorated inside and out. However, I'm not finished shopping for gifts at all.

[AnnW]

haven't started anything

[Melody]

Angie, where do you find the time? lol

Nothing here. I'm listening to five kids playing thinking my house will never be ready! Once a room is tidy and ready to be cleaned they've started on another room and it's pouring so I can't kick 'em all out. LOL

[BevJ]

haven't started anything
Me neither, except for a real wreath I bought at the grocery store last week...it's hanging outside on our front door.

[JAK]

I do! I do! I'm actually done with everything except from wrapping the kids teacher's gifts. My mom, step-dad, step-sis and her boyfriend are coming for Christmas, so I guess now I need to plan a meal. :rolleyes: I'm excited and ready though. I only put up one tree.

[angie r]

Angie, where do you find the time? lol

Nothing here. I'm listening to five kids playing thinking my house will never be ready! Once a room is tidy and ready to be cleaned they've started on another room and it's pouring so I can't kick 'em all out. LOL

I had to get mine up because I gave away half of what I had and the person I gave it to wanted it before Thanksgiving. I hope that makes sense?

[angie r]

I do! I do! I'm actually done with everything except from wrapping the kids teacher's gifts. My mom, step-dad, step-sis and her boyfriend are coming for Christmas, so I guess now I need to plan a meal. :rolleyes: I'm excited and ready though. I only put up one tree.

I wish I was further along like you! That's awesome! I did buy all the craft materials to make the "extras." I have an extra list of about 30 and that's before anyone at the church, which was at least 20 last year.

[littlesista06]

I've got my trees up. One in the den, one in the dining room, one in dd's room and on in the playroom. I usually do one on the wrap around porch, but may not fool with it.

There are candles in the windows, swags in the windows, garland on the railngs and lights on my camilias. Dh usually does a Charlie Brown tree with the big C9 bulbs (which I LOVE!!!) in the backyard. :)

There's a good dent made in the gifts and I need to wrap some more and keep on shopping. (good thing I work two jobs!)

[KarlaB]

Mine is up, too - got it decorated and there are actually presents under it. :yippee: Still have more to buy, but feels good to have some done and wrapped. I also put smaller trees in the boys' rooms and dd is getting one from her godfather (my mom picked it out and bought it :tinysmile ). I also have a tree in the entry, but it's really just a bigger size pencil tree with rice lights and S'Mores ornaments. I also have most of my decos out and candles in the front window. Dh got lights out front this wknd, but still needs to get garland and lights on the deck.

[AnnW]

i have a big old fake tree, but i think i am going to buy this tree.....
http://weeklyad.walgreens.com/walgreens/default.aspx?action=browsepagedetail&storeid=2430200&rapid=200587&pagenumber=26&listingid=-2096183160&ref=%2fwalgreens%2fdefault.aspx%3faction%3dbrowsepagesingle%26storeid%3d2430200%26rapid%3d200587%26p agenumber%3d26%26prvid%3dWalgreens-051127

[KarlaB]

For those of you without your tree up - do you get real ones??

[KarlaB]

Ann - We must have been posting at the same time. I love that tree!!

[AnnW]

Ann - We must have been posting at the same time. I love that tree!!


must have and i hate you btw! :rolleyes:
told dh to go buy it and got a lecture about spending money..think i will use my tip money since i am the one who puts up the @$##$@ tree and all the decorations and all the lights..he can go bowl!!!










yeah..i got the christmas spirit!

[KarlaB]

must have and i hate you btw! :rolleyes:
told dh to go buy it and got a lecture about spending money..think i will use my tip money since i am the one who puts up the @$##$@ tree and all the decorations and all the lights..he can go bowl!!!












yeah..i got the christmas spirit!

Don't hate me?? :( My house is a DISASTER! (Does that make it any better? LOL)
Treat yourself and buy the tree! You deserve it!!! You have had so much going on and it's a rough time of year as it is facing the holidays without your mom - BUY THE TREE and put on some Christmas music. :santa:

[AnnW]

Don't hate me?? :( My house is a DISASTER! (Does that make it any better? LOL)
Treat yourself and buy the tree! You deserve it!!! You have had so much going on and it's a rough time of year as it is facing the holidays without your mom - BUY THE TREE and put on some Christmas music. :santa:


THANK YOU for remembering that. I get so frustrated that i am supposed to be 'over it' and this time of year shouldn't get to me..well, i can't remarry a mother.................

[JAK]

My house is a DISASTER! (Does that make it any better? LOL)

Mine is a disaster too! :rolleyes: I need help!!! :nervous:

[Melody]

Don't hate me?? :( My house is a DISASTER! (Does that make it any better? LOL)


Well, I don't know about Ann but that makes me feel better!!! rofl

Ann, honey, you are not supposed to get over it at all. I honestly don't see how anyone can. It's tough and something you won't ever be over. Nothing, no one can replace your mother or the memories. I do hope you find some comfort in those memories over the holidays though. (((big hugs)))

[AnnW]

Why is it that my 'pretend' friends understand better than the real people in my life???

[KarlaB]

THANK YOU for remembering that. I get so frustrated that i am supposed to be 'over it' and this time of year shouldn't get to me..well, i can't remarry a mother.................


{{{Ann}}} I don't know that you will ever be 'over it' and I can't believe people think it's as simple as just moving on. Not trying to make you feel bad, but your mom was a HUGE part of your life and I think you will always miss her and feel that loss. Of course time will do some healing, but I think there will always be some days that will be easier and then there will be those that seem unbearable.
Your last line is so true - you have no 'replacement' for her and even if you did have that 'option', no one would ever truly fill that space. Of course, it doesn't make it any easier that your dad remarried shortly after and to someone who has changed him in the process. Hang in there and try not to worry about what others think or try to make you think you should be doing as far as dealing with the loss of your mom. YOU, and only you, own the feelings that you deal with every day and you are entitled to grieve, deal with, and process those in whatever way feels right to you. I cannot even begin to imagine your loss....keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!

[KarlaB]

Well, hearing that all of you have disasters too is REALLY making me feel better....so much so that I think I can close my eyes to it one more day. ROFL!

[Diane]

{{{Ann}}} I don't know that you will ever be 'over it' and I can't believe people think it's as simple as just moving on. Not trying to make you feel bad, but your mom was a HUGE part of your life and I think you will always miss her and feel that loss. Of course time will do some healing, but I think there will always be some days that will be easier and then there will be those that seem unbearable.
Your last line is so true - you have no 'replacement' for her and even if you did have that 'option', no one would ever truly fill that space. Of course, it doesn't make it any easier that your dad remarried shortly after and to someone who has changed him in the process. Hang in there and try not to worry about what others think or try to make you think you should be doing as far as dealing with the loss of your mom. YOU, and only you, own the feelings that you deal with every day and you are entitled to grieve, deal with, and process those in whatever way feels right to you. I cannot even begin to imagine your loss....keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!

Well said Karla... I couldn't have said it better myself. :) I miss my dad like crazy and I wasn't even that terribly close to him, I can't even imagine what it's going to feel like when it's my moms time to go. :( Hang in there Ann...
:)

[BevJ]

Why is it that my 'pretend' friends understand better than the real people in my life???
Good question. It may be because that's all we are. We don't have any expectations of you other than to post what you feel. I find it so much easier to be supportive here to ya'll than I do in real life to others. I can say here better what I can't say face-to-face to some real life friends, family, coworkers, etc. I am so not good at showing support as I am typing about it. Do ya'll know what I mean? That could be why I have a great email rapport with one of my contractor's than I do face-to-face with him. Maybe the people in your "real" life want to be more understanding, they just don't know how to be. In any case, I'm glad you feel you can rely on us when you need it. Hugs.

[Diane]

For those of you without your tree up - do you get real ones??

We bought a fake one last year. :) I don't put mine up until just before Christmas because my living room isn't all that big and I hate how it takes up so much room. I usually take it down a day or two after Christmas...

[JAK]

THANK YOU for remembering that. I get so frustrated that i am supposed to be 'over it' and this time of year shouldn't get to me..well, i can't remarry a mother.................
Since your mom passed away, I think about you often, but especially at this time of year. I don't know how you can be excited about the holidays. The passing of a loved one, especially one you are very close to isn't something you "just get over".

The last time I talked to my dad was on Easter Sunday 2001. The next March he died. Every Easter, I am haunted by that and really think of him a lot. As you know, we weren't close. I can't imagine what you go through on a daily basis.

(((Ann)) It's too bad your "real" friends don't understand. Just know we are here for you if/when you need us. I know you guys are there for me. That's what I love about this place. :)

[angie r]

{{{Ann}}} I don't know that you will ever be 'over it' and I can't believe people think it's as simple as just moving on. Not trying to make you feel bad, but your mom was a HUGE part of your life and I think you will always miss her and feel that loss. Of course time will do some healing, but I think there will always be some days that will be easier and then there will be those that seem unbearable.
Your last line is so true - you have no 'replacement' for her and even if you did have that 'option', no one would ever truly fill that space. Of course, it doesn't make it any easier that your dad remarried shortly after and to someone who has changed him in the process. Hang in there and try not to worry about what others think or try to make you think you should be doing as far as dealing with the loss of your mom. YOU, and only you, own the feelings that you deal with every day and you are entitled to grieve, deal with, and process those in whatever way feels right to you. I cannot even begin to imagine your loss....keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!

ITA! When and if my mom goes first I can tell you I'll NEVER EVER "get over it." Nothing will ever be the same for me as I'm sure it will never be for you. My heart aches nearly more than I can bear when I hear your ache for your mom. I think missing her really shows what a loving, caring person you are and she was too. What a wonderful gift she gave you showing you how to be an awesome mom and person. (((Ann)))

I think of you often too ((Renee))

[vea29]

For those of you without your tree up - do you get real ones??
I have to go fake cause my allergies go nuts. plus I like how they look better.

I was going to but the 4.5 ft at CVS...but It looked cheesy....short and fat. I want my tree....my friend said she'll take me down next weekend ...to dads but that's alot to ask someone to do. But she said she really doesn't mind.

Well see!

[Diane]

ITA! When and if my mom goes first I can tell you I'll NEVER EVER "get over it." Nothing will ever be the same for me as I'm sure it will never be for you. My heart aches nearly more than I can bear when I hear your ache for your mom. I think missing her really shows what a loving, caring person you are and she was too. What a wonderful gift she gave you showing you how to be an awesome mom and person. (((Ann)))

I think of you often too ((Renee))

Isn't this a great place? You are all so wonderful and supportive of each other.... it just touches my heart. :) This is exactly why I stick around. LOL

[littlesista06]

I can't agree more or say any better what these ladies have already said. This place is a Godsend and the friends I have here, I know I can dump on lean on and laugh with anytime of day.

Keep leaning on us Ann and try not to feel "made" to feel a certain way by anyone. (((((((((hugs))))))))))

[Linda/NE]

I do have my tree up. Tradition is that it goes up the day after Thanksgiving. It started that way because I always got excited about the holidays. Now it continues because if I don't get it up then, it may never get done.

We only have one tree here and 2 at the daycare- one for my ornaments and one for the kids to decorate and re decorate.

My one at home is a pre-lit tree. I hate stringing the lights.

(((hugs to all you missing someone special))) Reading your posts has really put things in perspective for me as far as dh goes. He lost his mom when he was 12 and he is the biggest grinch I know. He doesn't get excited at all and he makes no effort to buy any gifts, do any decorating or watch any Christmas specials. He actually gets worse each year. He has said in the past that Christmas isn't Christmas without his mom. His dad remarried and his Step $itch is far from a mother figure.

I think that probably the reason it is harder for 'real' friends to understand that you don't just 'get over it' may be because they do live along side you day by day. (Okay... I mean no offense here...) I'm sure the pain gets stronger this time of year. I doubt though that it's a case of 'real' friends deliberately dismissing your feelings.
--I can only make an observation based on my personal experience--
As a 'real' person on the other side of the issue--it's really hard for us to capture the joy of the season when dh is so 'bah-humbug' about it. Christmas used to be the ultimate 'high' for me. In the past few years dh's behavior has not only sucked the fun and joy out of it for me, but it's hurting the kids too. I want my kids to have wonderful memories of Christmas to treasure (like dh and I both did as young kids) and not be afraid to experience the joy because someday it may all be gone.

No, I have don't know what it's like to lose someone that close. I know it's not his fault and he's not purposely being that way. I just wish he'd make an effort to make our Christmas memorable with our kids.

I think when these depressed feelings take over to the point where the people around you can't be happy, then it becomes really hard to just accept and be understanding.

Again-- I mean no offense to anyone--- maybe my dh is just at a much worse state than any of you. I really don't mean to be unfeeling or harsh or offensive to any of you struggling during this time of year. My heart goes out to you!!

[aztec_judy]

The hardest times of a year is Holidays. Holidays are a family time space. Its a time for loved ones to be together an share the years memories of the good and the bad, but always more on the good.
But when a loved one is no longer around to share that time with, it leaves a space that is empty and never to be filled again. As time goes by it does begin to ease just a tiny bit.
Women are able to cover it somewhat easier than a man will ever cover. But it shall always be just as empty.
And when it is a loved one that is truely LOVED then the pain is something that will fill that space for many years as if it was only yesterday that it has happened.

The society that we live in says the woman is to move on, let it go, hide the feelings, do not allow it to even be thought of much less discussed. But when it rears its painful head that is NOT an easy thing to do, nor shall it ever be.
A man has always been allowed to let his feelings all hang out, an be catered to because of what he has gone thru.
Yet both are the same really, for no matter the age, no matter the length of time spent, it is a painful time during such a joyeous time of year. And some years its more painful than others. So that some become oblivious to the pain that is being caused by being insensitive to someone elses feelings.
They don't mean to, it happens that way.
But I believe of all the Holidays, Christmas is the hardest one to NOT have the strongest feelings of the pain come thru. Because at Christmas is when its all about love of family time. And each of us finds a different way of showing that. Some show it stronger than others, some keep it somewhat quet an hidden, the rest are somewhere inbetween with what happens.
But the pain is something that at Christmas is triggered to come out even harder an stronger than anytime of the year at all.
(((((((((((((((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) To all that are in the throws of a loved one that will not be here this year for such an other wise joyeous time of the year.
My prayers for all of you.

[AnnW]

I do have my tree up. Tradition is that it goes up the day after Thanksgiving. It started that way because I always got excited about the holidays. Now it continues because if I don't get it up then, it may never get done.

We only have one tree here and 2 at the daycare- one for my ornaments and one for the kids to decorate and re decorate.

My one at home is a pre-lit tree. I hate stringing the lights.

(((hugs to all you missing someone special))) Reading your posts has really put things in perspective for me as far as dh goes. He lost his mom when he was 12 and he is the biggest grinch I know. He doesn't get excited at all and he makes no effort to buy any gifts, do any decorating or watch any Christmas specials. He actually gets worse each year. He has said in the past that Christmas isn't Christmas without his mom. His dad remarried and his Step $itch is far from a mother figure.

I think that probably the reason it is harder for 'real' friends to understand that you don't just 'get over it' may be because they do live along side you day by day. (Okay... I mean no offense here...) I'm sure the pain gets stronger this time of year. I doubt though that it's a case of 'real' friends deliberately dismissing your feelings.
--I can only make an observation based on my personal experience--
As a 'real' person on the other side of the issue--it's really hard for us to capture the joy of the season when dh is so 'bah-humbug' about it. Christmas used to be the ultimate 'high' for me. In the past few years dh's behavior has not only sucked the fun and joy out of it for me, but it's hurting the kids too. I want my kids to have wonderful memories of Christmas to treasure (like dh and I both did as young kids) and not be afraid to experience the joy because someday it may all be gone.

No, I have don't know what it's like to lose someone that close. I know it's not his fault and he's not purposely being that way. I just wish he'd make an effort to make our Christmas memorable with our kids.

I think when these depressed feelings take over to the point where the people around you can't be happy, then it becomes really hard to just accept and be understanding.

Again-- I mean no offense to anyone--- maybe my dh is just at a much worse state than any of you. I really don't mean to be unfeeling or harsh or offensive to any of you struggling during this time of year. My heart goes out to you!!



Linda, you do have a point. I struggle very hard this time of year to make sure that I don't ruin it for the kids. It's not just dealing with her loss, but she also died December 20th so this time of year, the wound is particularly raw. So many of my family traditions that I always counted on...my kids have always counted on are just gone. Trying to figure out a way to recapture that or create new ones without tearing open the wound even more gets daunting at times.


Thanks to everyone for your kind words!

[Amy]

Ann, I know this is hard for you. I think you do a great job of "dealing with it" every other time of the year, but this time of year will always be marked for you. You will always grieve this time of year.

About pretend friends...I think it is always easy for us to see clear to the point to someone's heart, intentions and etc because there is no evdryday clutter to muck up the point.

[Linda/NE]

Linda, you do have a point. I struggle very hard this time of year to make sure that I don't ruin it for the kids. It's not just dealing with her loss, but she also died December 20th so this time of year, the wound is particularly raw. So many of my family traditions that I always counted on...my kids have always counted on are just gone. Trying to figure out a way to recapture that or create new ones without tearing open the wound even more gets daunting at times.


Thanks to everyone for your kind words!

(((((((((((ANN)))))))))))

I'm so sorry I didn't realize that it was so close to Christmas!! I can't imagine what that would be like. Like Judy said, time will help. My thoughts come from my experience with dh. It has been about 26 years now that his mom passed away. At times it feels like he is using it as an excuse.

I'll keep all of you in my prayers and thoughts this season.

[MaryL]

We don't have our tree up yet...hopefully this weekend. We also need to get the outside of the house decorated...just haven't had time to do it.

Also wanted to join the {{{hugfest}}}. I LOVE this place. You guys really are my friends.