MIL-vent

[arianna]

MM! There should be a seperate board for MIL problems.
Mine really knows how to get at me.
She stopped here a few minutes ago. Mind you, before we went to the states for 18 months she had never stepped into my home since the week we bought it almost 9 years ago. That ladies is another complete therapy session in itsself. But since we have returned, she was here from day one. She is so negative I can't handle it. I really prefered when she didn't come here ( we live 2 blocks apart more or less) at all.
She started in as soon as she got out of her car. Where did this new dog come from and who bought it ect.... I bought the Golden Lab puppy for my HH for Father's Day. He had been talking about getting one to replace the other lab we had previously. Anyway it's none of her business how much I spent nor where did I get the money from. and so forth, critizing everything she can possibly think about in the brief amount of time she was here.
She hasn't been here since BEFORE Mother's Day. Mind you we spent well over $200 on a gift for her. She has yet to exchange my Mother's Day gift with me. And here she is making my crazy. YUG!!!!!
She has never liked a single gift we have ever given her in the past 10 years as well. Things I handmade specifically for her as she requested !!!! I still want to make this misarable woman happy. I'm I just completely insane to think I, me _Superwoman, can change this woman???????
ßß!

[KarlaB]

I feel for you and just want you to know I can relate!! :tearhair: My mil has been on a run lately, too - even drives dh up a wall...at least it's not just me who thinks she's completely losing it! :crazyroll Hang in there and I hope things get better!!!

[kat]

Sorry things aren't going well. I guess I'm blessed, my MIL is a gem.

[Diane]

My goodness... After not coming around all those years... what made her suddenly decide to start coming around? Too bad... whatever it was. LOL No kidding, I feel for you. My MIL wasn't that bad... as a matter of fact I always felt that if it weren't for my FIL my MIL and I would have gotten along a LOT better, but he too was very negative and when you live with somebody THAT negative for that many years... you get to be that way too. :( I'm like you... I would just as soon not have people like that even around me. I always dreaded when they wanted to come over to our house or if we were expected to make an appearance over at their's. :( After being married to their ds for a few years they finally stopped asking as many nosey questions... otherwise they use to have to know EVERYTHING. How much did I/dh make, how much was our house/car payment. Any time we'd buy something they'd question whether we really NEEDED it or not or question if we could really AFFORD it??? Just before we were married THEY were out apartment hunting for us... of course every single place THEY liked was within a two block radius from their house. :) After looking at a few run down shacks they wanted us to rent, we didn't even bother going out to look at their recommendations anymore... and then they got mad. FIL always carried his questions a few steps farther and would ask very"personal" questions that were totally none of his business. We always had this great technique for not answering them but one day I just totally threw him off by throwing his same personal question right back at him. LOL Needless to say, he didn't quite see the humor in that at all... (LOL) and from that day on he didn't quite consider me part of his family. He never DID like me anyway so... no great loss. LOL I did have my dh behind me all the way... but it certainly wasn't easy for him kind of being stuck in the middle. LOL

I hope you can work out whatever it is that your having to go through with her. It's good that you still care enough about trying to make her happy... you've got a kind heart. :) Sometimes I wish I had had more patience with my FIL... after he died I really felt bad about the way we hadn't gotten along... but then again I had a lot of relatives/friends asking me how on earth I had ever put up with him as long as I did. LOL Not that many people liked him and he had very few people attend hihs funeral.

I think that having an IN-LAW vent board would be a GREAT idea... LOL It sure seems to me like their are more than a few of us in here who would keep it busy. LOL Anyway... good luck!!! :)

Diane... :wave:

[jwmcdaniel]

Oh! I am so there with you and your mil problems.
Mine is negative as well and can get under my skin to no end!
And, like you, I keep trying to please her for some reason and as hurtful as she can be, I have some amount of respect for her, I guess, or I would have put her in her place by now.
My dh and his brothers just shake their heads and say "that's just the way she is...." huh! Doesn't make it any better, though.
I tell my dh how lucky he is to have such a great mil!! :biglaugh:

[Mickey]

A MIL Vent board gets my vote! LOL!

I feel the same about mine, Ari, but mine is 3,000 miles away in Wales, so that suits me just fine. However, dh has mentioned that they want to retire here. Here as in MY HOUSE! =(:-o) I don't THINK so!

There is no changing them and the harder you try the more they seem to revel in rejecting your efforts, so I don't try any more. I'm civil, but not overly friendly when they visit. I don't bite my tongue or try to make the best of things any more. And I won't fall all over her for dh's sake any more either.

Regarding your mil's unappreciativeness, next gift-giving occasion, get her a gift card to Sears or Walmart.

[Suz]

I can totally relate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Although, it is my FIL and his wife (my dh's step-mother) that drive me absolutely crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dh's mother is wonderful, although, she does live in another state - that could have something to do with our wonderful relationship :)
Hang in there and try to just blow her off!!!
I get so uptight over my in-laws and then I think that they probably don't even think about me so why should I allow them to occupy so much of my mind!!!!!!!

[Rae]

What a sweetie...not! Poor Ari... :( As for changing her, I doubt it. I think you're best bet is to stop trying to please her and just manage when she's around. She may know you're trying to make her happy and enjoy making you feel otherwise. Does that make sense? Some people are so twisted. Good Luck and hope she stays away!

[Lynda/WA]

Just make it an in-law board! My FIL/MIL (DHs stepmom - married AFTER he left home) are the best of the in-laws. It's my BIL/SILs that drive me crazy!
If this has become a problem since you came back from being with your family, she may feel intiminated by your side. Worried that the kids will want to be with your parents more so she visits to supplant their vacation with visits from her. Along the same lines - It seems to me that those that criticize the most lack self confidence or don't like themselves very much. They think that by knocking the other person down they can make themselves look better in comparison.
Also, people notice and talk about what is either important to them or what is a concern. Many older people concentrate on how much things cost. I think they are worried about retirement so costs, even others expenses, become a larger issue with them. My BIL/SIL are quick to ask how much something costed or where I bought something (ie did I get it at Goodwill?). They have spent way beyond their budget. Wasted away a large inheritance and now have trouble meeting the bills on a 90,000/yr income. I think they ask how much something costs so they can say *I wish I could find deals like that!* . As if to say they can't and living cost them more than other people. that's why they are broke not their spending habits.
Maybe that will help you remember that the negativity is her problem and not anything you aren't doing right. In fact it may be BECAUSE you are doing everything right and she's jealous.

Ari - Don't make her another handmade gift at all. Many off us know how wonderful your gifts can be. No sense putting a peice of yourself into a gift that isn't appreciated. If she asks why you quit you can nicely say something to the effect of not being able to get your handmade gifts just right for her. She'll probably not realize what you are really saying and think you mean she deserves an even higher standard than others when really you mean she just can't be happy! I agree with getting her gift certificates from now on.

[arianna]

MM! Thanks to everyone for the support. I am most of the time~ mellow and calm but she really knows and I think enjoys negativity.

I'll take all the advice I can.

ßß!

[RCT]

Oh Ari, I am sorry she is mean to you..... {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}I just let it go now, after 13 years, I don't let mine get to me anymore....your great your dh loves you and your kids are super, let her bad vibes float off of you. :biggrin: