Unable to recharge?

[Amy]

Something funky is happening and was wondering if any of you can shed some light on it.

I can tolerate stressful or uncomfortable situations for years. I liken it to a really deep well that I can take from and I can survive happily. Then one day I find that the "Well" reserve is no longer there and I have nothing left. What is worse is that I can't replenish it faster then its going out and I start to get extremely irritable/restless. No matter how much alone time or meditating I do, it is never enough. It started out simple like no longer being able to tolerate hot weather because of the extreme heat of NC and Colorado summers. Then it was answering the telephone after I spent hours and hours during that summer when my sister found her real father and my Mom was still being weird and secretive. Now it is starting that dh and the kids are annoying me because their extreme dependence on me now bothers me. I fostered it all these years because I was "home base" to everyone and they all depended on me to be the head force of the family. Now I can't even go into a room without one of the kids calling for me or interrupting what I am doing every 15 min or dh calling me 8 times a day and thinking I should be available to chat with him while he is between jobs when I am trying to do something else. I am rebuffing everyone and now they are starting to get irritated that I am no longer as available to them as I once was.

Okay-I poured my heart out. So what is this? Is this part of peri-menopausal and then some? Am I depressed? Do I need to go on a meditation retreat for a month-one that has no phones? LOL

[RCT]

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

Maybe you need some AMY activity. When do the kids go back to school. I would think that once they are back on a routine, and dh settles back into his routine you might be able to start some Amy time, at the gym, or doing whatever it is that Makes AMY HAPPY!

You are not alone, its not always easy finding the "care taker" in us on demand.

[vea29]

I totally agree...Your not alone...I feel it with dbf and friends. I've gotten to the point of not answering my cell...cause I just can't deal any more.

You need some serious you time...Call up a friend go out do something fun and silly...no serious talk.

I went out tuesday and spent all day at chuck E. Cheese with my friend and son...but instead of us sitting and chatting while he played....we played too.

It was a blast....highly recommend...silly.

[PamE]

I totally agree...Your not alone...I feel it with dbf and friends. I've gotten to the point of not answering my cell...cause I just can't deal any more.

You need some serious you time...Call up a friend go out do something fun and silly...no serious talk.

I went out tuesday and spent all day at chuck E. Cheese with my friend and son...but instead of us sitting and chatting while he played....we played too.

It was a blast....highly recommend...silly.

I love it! :D It's hard for me to let go like that, but I can see where it would be a good thing. :)

[vea29]

I love it! :D It's hard for me to let go like that, but I can see where it would be a good thing. :)
It was so fun...we took pctures in one of those booths that scetches you...we played air hockey and skeet ball...among others.

Not My other friend is coming saturday with her girls....may do a sleep over.....Thinking maybe miniture golf!

[vea29]

I love it! :D It's hard for me to let go like that, but I can see where it would be a good thing. :)
BTW...I don't let go like that either but it was fun!

[Cathy]

Something funky is happening and was wondering if any of you can shed some light on it.

I can tolerate stressful or uncomfortable situations for years. I liken it to a really deep well that I can take from and I can survive happily. Then one day I find that the "Well" reserve is no longer there and I have nothing left. What is worse is that I can't replenish it faster then its going out and I start to get extremely irritable/restless. No matter how much alone time or meditating I do, it is never enough. It started out simple like no longer being able to tolerate hot weather because of the extreme heat of NC and Colorado summers. Then it was answering the telephone after I spent hours and hours during that summer when my sister found her real father and my Mom was still being weird and secretive. Now it is starting that dh and the kids are annoying me because their extreme dependence on me now bothers me. I fostered it all these years because I was "home base" to everyone and they all depended on me to be the head force of the family. Now I can't even go into a room without one of the kids calling for me or interrupting what I am doing every 15 min or dh calling me 8 times a day and thinking I should be available to chat with him while he is between jobs when I am trying to do something else. I am rebuffing everyone and now they are starting to get irritated that I am no longer as available to them as I once was.

Okay-I poured my heart out. So what is this? Is this part of peri-menopausal and then some? Am I depressed? Do I need to go on a meditation retreat for a month-one that has no phones? LOL

I understand what you are going through. Some of it you can't escape. Your kids are at an age where they do need you a lot, and you know that's a good thing. But you've been a self-contained unit for a long time. Your moves and struggles have pulled you so close together. This is what you created, and it's what they know. (I repeat--It's a good thing!) So set some little limits.......Only interrupt mom in the den for a good reason. Dh- only call when you need to exchange information about work. Let the rest wait until you come home.

Amy- I don't think it's all about me time. I think it may be putting some structure to family time. After lunch we'll play a game, go for a walk, etc. whatever. Then you will entertain yourselves, and I'll be in the den (drinking margaritas ROFL) or on the porch, or ........

Oh and I totally agree about the chores. If she doesn't like your suggestions, maybe she'd respond to a list. It is real life that sometimes things we do aren't FUN.

Good luck.

[AnnW]

Ok..so what has changed? Are they becoming more needy/dependant or are you have you changed how you react to them?? or is it just the post job blues. ;)
You have set up your family dynamics to where they are used to coming to you with everything. You can't expect them to change their pattern without a little redirection from you. Your kids are old enough to become less dependant on you in some areas (and dd more so than ds). Your dh is certainly a capable guy. I think it's ok to not want to be homebase all the time. I don't think it means you are depressed, perimenopausal or crazy (i've always known you were crazy!), I think it means you are doing a great job at mothering/parenting and know that it's time for the kids to be more self reliant and look to themselves for entertainment. I think it's almost instinctual, kind of like the mother bird pushing the baby out of the next. Part of parenting is to give them the skills to move away from homebase.

[MaryL]

.... I think it means you are doing a great job at mothering/parenting and know that it's time for the kids to be more self reliant and look to themselves for entertainment. I think it's almost instinctual, kind of like the mother bird pushing the baby out of the next. Part of parenting is to give them the skills to move away from homebase.

Exactly what I was thinking. You need to add yourself into the equation a bit more. You are feeling "unsettled" because your balance is off. The kids need you as always...just in different capacities. You need to adjust for that...and set limits that will help set the balance your family is (in behavior) asking for. I've always felt that we are raising our kids to be independent people. I need to give them all of the skills to do that, and that often means that need to exercise their skills of patience, determination, forgiveness, cooperation, responsibility, compassion, etc. I'm very overprotective with my kids (I think)...never been away from them from more than one night at a time. :rolleyes: However, I do that at least once or twice a year...just to give them space (they stay with a neighbor or grandma)...and to be just a wife for a few hours. Dh loves it. Dh is really learning to give me time. I may be the "at home" parent...but we are a parenting team, and dh knows that when I say I'm "going out"...I really need to have some time alone. I'll go to the library, or to the store, or just drive around a bit in the quiet car. LOL As your kids grow, you'll be continually be making changes for all of your sanity. Time to implement a few small changes every now and then. Perhaps...the first one should be a "Don't interrupt adults." rule. I don't allow it (if I'm on the phone, or taking to a neighbor or friend). My kids will lose t.v. time (or a privelege) if they do it. If they wait patiently (or sometimes they write me a note...and slide it to me! LOL), I will always get right to them.

[Ryleigh S.]

{{{{HUGS}}}}

sorry you are going through this. no new advice....I agree with what everyone else has already said.
Take some YOU time.


I remember just shortly after my little one was born there was a day (actually it had been building for a few days) when everyone, everything was annoying me. Even the bird chirping outside my window make me want to scream. It seemed every time I turned around someone wanted something... At one point ds walked up to said "Mom, how long til' lunch?" I just yelled "AAAARRRRRGGGHHH" tuned and walked to my room and closed the door.:tearhair::tearhair::tearhair: I heard him say to the girls "Don't worry, she just losing it, temporarily" and hand to smile...even though I was still annoyed. When I finally came out about an hour later... the kids all just stared at me. finally Meg. said "Mommy, are you cooled off now?" I still felt annoyed, but not as much as before.
Even a few hours to yourself can works miracles.

Hope you are feeling better soon

[vea29]

... I think it means you are doing a great job at mothering/parenting and know that it's time for the kids to be more self reliant and look to themselves for entertainment. I think it's almost instinctual, kind of like the mother bird pushing the baby out of the next. Part of parenting is to give them the skills to move away from homebase.
Great Point!

[Amy]

Nah....I think I just need a month long vacation away from the family. LOL


Thanks for all the insight. It all makes sense and I am going to have to make boundaries for all these heathens. LOL

[RCT]

Nah....I think I just need a month long vacation away from the family. LOL


Thanks for all the insight. It all makes sense and I am going to have to make boundaries for all these heathens. LOL


Ok I'll leave the kids here and you and I will go to the beach house.
(oh I so Wish)

[Amy]

Now that would be a hoot! Tequila sunrises when we wake, margaritas for lunch and a good toilet at night. ROFL

[RCT]

Now that would be a hoot! Tequila sunrises when we wake, margaritas for lunch and a good toilet at night. ROFL

No Toilet would be necessary, we would just sleep in the grass.....LOL


Hang in there honey, I get the same way and am actually feeling wound too tight lately too

[vea29]

Now that would be a hoot! Tequila sunrises when we wake, margaritas for lunch and a good toilet at night. ROFL
count me in...that sounds great!

[JAK]

Hang in there honey, I get the same way and am actually feeling wound too tight lately too
Is there something in the air because I have not been myself lately either.

Amy- could you be feeling that way because your whole routine has been thrown out the window now that you aren't working? I know when my routine changes I have to refigure things out before things seem normal again.

[Diane]

Is there something in the air because I have not been myself lately either.

Amy- could you be feeling that way because your whole routine has been thrown out the window now that you aren't working? I know when my routine changes I have to refigure things out before things seem normal again.

It must be something in the air... My mom just tried changing my routine and I darn near lost it. I don't like anyone trying to change anything in my life without first going through me... and when I politely say no thank you... I mean NO, thank you. LOL When I'm in that kind of a mood it's not a good thing for anyone to try to mess around with me. LOL

Maybe we all should go along with Renee and make a real weekend out of it. LOL