friends

[JAK]

How many good friends do you have that live near you? Or do you just have one best friend?

I had a best friend in jr high and high school. Our jr year she moved about an hour away. We spoke on the phone, but or friendship was never the same. To this day we still write letters but I wouldn't say that we are best friends or even good friends any more.

I've been a military wife for the past 9 years and every few years we move. It seems like right about the time I make a good friend it's time to move again. But I can honestly say that since my best frind in high school moved I've never had another "best friend". You know someone you can tell anything to, except for my husband. Is that just a normal part of growing up and moving on? Or does it have something to do with the fact that we are always moving?

[JeannieOR]

I think its both. It takes time to develop friendships. It sounds like your in the position to meet a lot of differant people but not in a position to get to no them well.

Right now I have more friends than I have time for and I'm beginning to build some close relationships. It wasn't always that way though. When I moved to Portland with my dh 15 years ago I didn't know anyone. After I stayed at a job for a couple years I developed some friendships but not close ones. Once I quit work to be a SAHM I didn't have any friends but then again I didn't have time for them when the kid were babies.

I'm living in a very friendly community now with lots of families close by and my kids are at the age where they're real ice breakers so I've gotten to know lots of people. Having them in preschool in elementry school helps a lot too.

It's a real shame people don't write letters the way that they used to, but I bet when things settle down for you and you kids get older there will be other oportunities to gather close friends.

[Mickey]

For a long time, when ds was very young, I felt very alone--especially when we first moved here. We had moved three times in two years and that was really hard.

I have a few life-long friends from the city I grew up in--we don't talk all that often, but when we do, we pick up right where we left off. It's very comfortable. We tell each other everything and I know that no matter what, they will always be there if I ever need them and I would be for them, too.

I have one best friend where I live now--she lives about 40 minutes away. She's so funny and we are always there for each other and I'm very grateful for our friendship. But, while we talk on the phone quite a bit, we don't get together as much as we would like.

Other than that, I have some friends with whom I socialize (our kids or husbands being what brought and keeps us together), but I don't consider them soulmate-type friends. We engage in general chit-chat, but I would never have deep heart-to-heart talks with them.

I've made lots of "pretend friends" (as my mom calls them! LOL!) online! And some of those pretend friends know me much better than my real life ones! ;)

[Melody]

I haven't had a close friendship since highschool. I used to wonder if it was just me or what was wrong with me. Before I had the kids I had made a lot of friends where I worked but none close and it didn't take long to lose touch when the boys were born. I just started to become good friends with a couple of people in the city before we moved but it was hard to keep in touch and now we seldom hear from each other. I have been in this town for almost three years (in October) and I don't have any real friends. I talk to the other moms at the school and baseball games but not anything outside of it. I don't know if I would have the time for a social life anyhow. Pathetic as it may be, it was difficult just making a shopping date with my sister in law for next Saturday! I think it takes time to develope a good friendship. The ones I used to be close to keep in touch but I would not consider them 'best friends' like I used to or even good friends.

[KarlaB]

ITA with what everyone has said and I think what you
are going thru is completely normal.

I don't have any best friends that live near me. When we first moved here it was difficult for me because I had gone to college here, but when we came back all of my college friends had moved. I was a manager of a retail store and pretty much worked with high schoolers, young college kids or the owners. Dh was teaching and was meeting a lot of new people/friends so it was difficult for me. I eventually met a gal at work and over the years our friendship has grown. We chat on the phone and get together with our dks. We do confide in each other, but it's not as open or close as other relationships I have. I have also met several friends thru dks classes, but none are what I consider close relationships. One gal and I were getting close and then they moved. :( I do go out occasionally with other moms from dks classes and I enjoy it. It has gotten easier as the kids have gotten older and when dh's schedule isn't as busy but again these aren't people I would have heart to heart divulging conversations with.

I do have a best friend from elementary school. She is about 4 hours away, so we rarely see each other but we talk often and about everything - I trust her with anything. When things are hectic there are times we don't talk for a month or so, but we always pick up right where we left off and never think something is wrong btwn us. I am also very close to my sister, mom, and a cousin who is my age so they would be others that I would consider to be "best friends" at this point in my life.

I do keep in touch periodically with other friends from high school, but like others those relationships have changed over time. I think part of it came as we all starting experiencing different things at different times - whether it was marriage and kids or pursuing careers, etc - and we simply grew apart or felt like we couldn't'didn't relate like we once did.

I also agree with what Mickey said about "pretend friends" - even dh is coming around...not thinking I am completely out of my mind :newwink: when I share stories about my friends here! Ya'll sure are a lifesaver some days!! :D

[Linda/NE]

I have very rarely had any true best friends. All through grade school I had a cousin in the same class. We were always to compared to one another and mixed up. (We looked nothing alike!) She hated the comparisons and did all she could to get others against me. (I know I was a pain in the rear at times though too! LOL) To the friends I made in high school, I was just a friend of convenience--someone to go out with when they didn't have a date. In college I found too many people that had best friends somewhere else and didn't have room for me or they were real partiers and I wasn't so I didn't fit in.

Probably my first real best friend was my dh. Since we got married I've made some really close friends. One was really great but she had so many personal problems (abusive, drug abusing husband) that it became a safety issue to be around her. Another friend I made in the last town we lived in. She moved up towards the Wyoming border about 2 weeks after we moved her. We still keep in touch. In fact I just got a letter from her today. If she had email, I know we'd become a lot closer.

[MaryL]

I have friends from gradeschool/high school...who live about 2 hours away. We talk occasionally, and visit when we can. It's a comfortable relationship...but I kind of feel us growing apart. Everyone has completely different lives, schedules, priorities, etc. I have a "best friend" type of friend who lives in town with me...she and I met at our first teaching jobs. She's a great friend, and our dh's have become really good friends so that is fun. I work with mostly all women...and many of them for 10-12 years! Of course, I consider them friends. They probably know the most about me...because they eat lunch with me everyday, etc! They get to hear all of the "griping" and "bragging". We moved about 2 years ago to a very friendly neighborhood, and I have made friends with quite a few neighbors. I guess I'm just a very friendly type....I don't feel the need to have a "best friend"...but I do think it's important to have people in my life to talk with, shop with, go out to movies/plays/etc with. Dh is of course my absolute best and closest friend. But it's always fun to talk with one of my many "girl" friends! I feel very lucky for all of the friend relationships I have made.

[Ryleigh]

Being very shy and quiet, I was never really "miss popular" or in the "in crowd" at any point. Plus having arthritis is my knees since I was a toddler put me at a bit of a disadvantage athletically, and we all know how mean children can be when someone doesn't meet up to there standards.
I always had friends around though. My best friend, when I was small lived across the street from me. Actually her house was across the street, I think she was at my house 99% of the time. I moved about 1200 miles away when we were 13 and we vowed to write each other every week. We did for about the first six months, then it got down to once a month, eventually a few times a year, lately just special occasions. I met up with her a few years back. It was great talking over old memories but it's just not the same.

After moving, I found it very difficult making new friends. I was very down on everything. We moved to a new place where the only people I know where a few cousins which I barely knew at all and my Grandfather.
The next few months I was shuffled from relative to relative while my mother stayed by my fathers bedside in the hospital until he passed away six months later.
It took me a long time to get over that. I made a few friends when I got to high school but really only one really good friend. We are still close today but I am begining to wonder what is going to happen there, she started going out with this guy about a year ago who I know is trouble, she has changed so much since then. She has become very secretive about everything, and I have even caught her lying to me about different little things. I haven't and won't call her on it because I know what her reaction would be but I can see this eventually leading us our separate ways. :(

When I got to college, things looked up a bit. I enjoyed my classes and all my classmates. Life was just a big adventure. Our whole class was like a big happy family. Of couse on Graduation a lot of us went our ways but I still see two or three of my classmates from time to time. Once we move I will be closer to a few of them so may see them more.
:)
My "best friend" aside from dh, I met when I started work. I thought she was the strangest person on earth. :silly: But eventually she grew on me and we have been best buddies ever since. We live about an hour apart now but still get together often and talk all the time. (Major phone bills, Thank God for e-mail) Our children are good friends also. She has a boy Spencer's age and just recently had another boy. There are a few others I go out and associate with now and then, but I don't think I could really call them 'friends'. But as long as I've got dh, I've got the world. :*

[KarlaB]

Originally posted by Ryleigh
We are still close today but I am begining to wonder what is going to happen there, she started going out with this guy about a year ago who I know is trouble, she has changed so much since then. She has become very secretive about everything, and I have even caught her lying to me about different little things. I haven't and won't call her on it because I know what her reaction would be but I can see this eventually leading us our separate ways. :(

Ryleigh - This sounds so familiar! You could be my cousin telling me the same exact story about her childhood friend!! :( They had been a part of each others lives since early childhood thru their 20's and now they don't speak. Hopefully your friend will realize the damage she is doing before it's too late! :(

[Diane]

I had a best friend that I went all the way from elementary school through high school with. After high school she got busy doing whatever it was that she was doing and I got busy with mine... and we never saw each other after that. I heard through some friends that she had "changed" a lot... and not for the best. Her mom still lives in the same house and probably has the same phone number... and I could call her, but I'm not too sure I'd want to get too involved with her anymore. I think people change in different ways and I know that I'm certainly not the same person that I was in High School.

I now have a friend that I've known for well over 6 or 7 years who I consider my "best" friend... and we can talk about anything and everything. Her and her dh have gone out with us several times but... my dh doesn't really care for her dh... My dh's best friends wife is a little on the strange side... and I really don't care a whole lot for her so we usually don't socialize a lot together. My dh also isn't the most "social" butterfly in the world and he would much rather stay home or just do things alone together, which I don't mind but sometimes I wish we had more friends who we could go out and do things with... not a lot but just once in a while. :)

Diane... :wave:

[MaryL]

I can relate, Diane. My dh is very quiet...almost shy. I always tease him that if it wasn't for me we wouldn't have any friends LOL! He has a best friend from college, and I am friendly with his wife. Most of our friends are married couples, and we get together frequently...with kids, and (on rare occasion..after much planning) without kids.

[Lynda/WA]

JAK - I can sooo relate to you. Even though I moved while in highschool (from city to country) I still had many of the same friends. Same high school so I could still see my old friends at school but I also made friends that lived closer than the 40 minutes away of my old friends.

Then I went into the military. My best friend would only write when I had written to her. She didn't seem to realize that I had 20 people to write to and she only had 1! I still hear about her from my family in the area but that's about it. In retrospect I realized that we had become friends because of common interests but were very different personalities. Then like you mentioned I usually would just become good friends with someone just in time for one of us to get transfered. It worked the same way with boyfriends too! That is until I got to Arizona. Lisa got there about 1 year after me and although we were both single on a base with next to no single females we didn't immediately become friends. We talked to each other and stuff but it wasn't until both of us went through a break up that we really became best friends. One of those were you know exactly what the other is thinking. We found that our beliefs were nearly identical. She's the one that found my DH for me! I haven't seen her in 8 years but they plan on visiting soon. Her new DH is still ADAF down in AZ. They were a trio of friends with a guy that is staioned here in WA so we hope to all meet.
After getting out and becoming a SAHM I found it harder to make friends. It seems to me that military people are more open to meeting new people. Many of the people I've met since have already got a ring of friends and don't really have the time to make more. I did make some off base in CA but those were all because we had children the same age and I'd meet them because of playdates and such. One was a very good friend but mainly because of the kids. Plus she had moved several times and was in the same situation. I guess you could say we fell into a friendship that wouldn't have happened otherwise.
Then we moved again. I haven't even tried to keep in contact with them after the first couple of months. Here I am again meeting people but haven't met anyone I would concider a good friend.
It's funny because my sister moved away from home to go to school. She has since moved back home. One time she made a comment about how very few of her friends are the same ones she had in school prior to moving. After we talked about it for awhile she realized that she had either met them through work or she had met them because of her old school friends. In otherwords she started out running into an old school friend we would introduce her to someone new. After awhile the first friend would move or they'd just drift apart but she'd retain the new friend. I pointed out to her that because I was moving to an area were I didn't know anybody I wasn't being introduced to new people by a middleman.

[BigDaddy]

Friends!!!! I love meeting new people but find it hard to make the first move. If someone steps in and intoduces us I can take it from there or even if they just say Hi, I can muttle my way through.
My best friend has been my pal since the good old toddler days. We were inseperable, even went to University together. (first girlfriends were twin sisters).
Even today we are close. He lives a fair piece away now (about 5 hour drive) but we still get together a few times a year for a weekend.
Other than that I have the guy from work that I pal arund with but I don't think I would really call any of them friends. I never really thought about this topic until now. How depressing - I only have ONE true friend.
(Other than dw of course and my family)