Dd is so scared of hurting herself :(

[KathyT]

Our oldest dd (9) had a rough winter. She broke her elbow and wrist and seriously damaged the growth plate in her foot which hurt a lot and took a long time to heal.

Now that summer is here and she is running around and playing sports outdoors and climbing monkey bars and all that fun stuff, dh and I find that the slightest little injury is cause for alarm for her.

Last night she fell off the monkey bars at our neighbourhood park. I saw her fall, she kind of slipped and grabbed on with one hand and swung like a monkey. She started screaming saying she dislocated her shoulder. She didn't. No doubt she pulled a ligament or a muscle, and that hurts, but it is not serious.

She went to bed in tears and woke up in tears. We had another look this morning and it is fine, no swelling, no bruising, no heat. She is cradling it and favouring it and saying "I always hurt myself" and God love her she does seem to be accident prone.

Any ideas on how to help her gain her confidence back? We always stress that she needs to stay calm, and that not all injuries are big ones, she has just had three in a row which is unusual.

I just feel so badly for her and don't want her to spend her summer afraid :(

Thanks.

[KathyT]

This board baffles me sometimes. I cannot believe this post was viewed 23 times but not answered once. Why is that? Some very mundane non-parenting related posts seem to elicit a barrage of responses, but here I am looking for a little parental help or advice, even empathy is helpful, lol, and nothing??? I don't get it.

[AnnW]

Hey Kathy..this is the first time I have seen this post. This happens alot to me, anyone else??

Anyway, no real great answers though, sorry :( .
Is she willing to try things and timid or over reacts when something does happen?

[angie r]

My neighbor's ds does this in a way. He will twist an ankle and limp around, then forget and start running all over the place. Then he will remember he is "hurt" again and start limping. His mom wonders if it has to do with the extra attention he gets when he is hurt? Maybe your dd does the "hurt act" for attention? I know I still use it!!!! (I hope dh doesn't read this one!) LOL

I would think that if she has been hurt several times in a row that she would be a little unsure. I hope she is up and running full speed again soon.

[Mickey]

Kathy, I, too, have often been amazed at the number of responses to mundane posts and the lack of responses to posts I think are interesting and/or important. I don't get it either.

I'll claim one of those views, Kath. I'm sorry I didn't reply at the time, but I didn't have any helpful ideas off the top of my head and decided to wait to see what others thought.

I have since thought about it a bit and thought that maybe it would be good for you to explain that if she FOCUSES on her injuries, it will make them seem like they are bigger and more frequent than they actually are and, in turn, will add to her frustration and negative outlook regarding it and on and on that circle of thinking goes. Tell her that you hurt yourself in little ways throughout the day, too, but you think, "Ouch!" and move on--you don't cry and rub it and exclaim that you are always hurting yourself. Doing that would only build it up to be more than it is and make you feel worse.

Also explain about self-fulfilling prophecies--if you keep saying something, you inadvertently can contribute to it happening. Tell her that you don't want to hear her saying negative things ("I always hurt myself") regarding this any more. (???)

See? Now you know why I didn't reply to begin with! LOL!

[Mickey]

Regarding missing posts, that has happened to me, too. I think that when you "view new topics" and you don't read every post listed before you close out, they all clear next time. To prevent that from happening, if I can't read all the new posts before I have to go offline, I now leave the browser open and shrink it before going offline and next time I go online, I hit "refresh" in that browser--that way you keep all the posts you didn't get to read.

[AnnW]

I think that might be it. Do you stay connected? I don't leave my connection open all day..would it work with me disconnecting?

I am amazed and frustrated when I click on a post sometimes and then see someone referring to a post I have never seen! LOL

[AnnW]

One thought occured to me, but I don't really know how it would work for your dd. With ds' cough, they have given him some breathing exercises to do to help control/stop the spasms. They really seem to be working. He has had a couple of instances where it looked like the cough was starting up and did these breathing exercises and they stopped. We have made a big deal about how he has the power to control them now...it seems to be working. I don't know how this would translate to your dd, but along the lines of what Mick said tell her that she can make it a big deal or not...does this make any sense??

[Mickey]

No, I don't stay connected. When I reconnect, I unshrink/maximize the browser and hit "refresh" and it's all there, plus the new ones since I was last on! :)

[AnnW]

Cool! That will help alot. I have been having ISP problems lately and getting bounced alot and keep losing posts.
Thanks!

[Mickey]

You're welcome! Just make sure you threaten to kill any family member who closes out your browser! LOL! ;)

[KarlaB]

Originally posted by AnnW
I am amazed and frustrated when I click on a post sometimes and then see someone referring to a post I have never seen! LOL

I have had the same thing happen! Very frustrating! :tearhair:

Mickey - Thanks for the awesome tip!!! :thumb:

KathyT - Sorry I don't have any advice for you. :( I do like Ann and Mickey's suggestions though! :)

[KathyT]

Thanks for all the responses, I was feeling a bit neglected I guess.

Had a long talk with dd, she said that she thought as long as it hurt a lot right away it would start getting better faster, so sad :(

I told her it didn't work like that, and that most falls and mishaps wouldn't result in broken bones, she had just had some unusual things happen.

I do appreciate all the advice and thanks again for answering.

[TXmom]

Kathy,

I admit, I'm one of the ones who looked at the post but initially didn't reply. Like Mickey said, I just didn't have anything helpful to say at the time. I did think of ya'll today, though. I've burned myself twice recently and noticed myself being overly cautious about being burned again. I thought about your daughter and how I'd feel if I'd hurt myself so badly 3 times in a row. Bless her heart, I'm sure I'd be a wreck! Hope she gets her confidence back soon!

[KathyT]

Thanks for thinking of us and I hope your burn heals soon too!

[darlene]

Hi Kathy. Have you tried a little "humor" to get over a situation? I know when my kids get hurt (not serious ones of course!)....but a small cut, fall etc. that we tease them by saying "well, let's just cut it off and then it won't hurt anymore!" :lol:

Amazing how they stop thinking about the little hurt then!

Hope she has a safe summer.

:)

[Diane]

I think it takes TIME to get over something like that. I know that after I fell down and broke my ankle a few years ago I was scared to death of walking down a hill... LOL After a matter of time I did get over it but... I think it's just a normal feeling, especially after so many things at once has happened to her. Let her know that it's okay to be careful/cautious but... that shouldn't stop her from doing things and having fun. If/when she does happen to fall or hurt herself again... try not to make a real big deal about it, especially if it isn't a "serious" injury. Sometimes I think kids look at their parent's reactions before they react. If the parent doesn't react in a frantic manner, the kids will usually brush themselves off and continue on with their play. I have a mom who I have done day care for and the second her dd stumbles and falls down... she's up and running/screaming for her. I think her dd is more afraid of mom's reaction than the actual fall. LOL I'm not saying that this is what you are doing but sometimes it's best to try to not make a big deal about it... or as somebody else stated, try making a joke about it. :)
Good luck!!!

Diane...

I'm sorry that I didn't respond to this post before, I didn't mean to ignore it either but I this was the first I've seen of it... (probably my computer) :)

[Lynda/WA]

One explaination for why she is having more accidents all of a sudden. Sometimes kids hit a growth spurt and are *unaccustomed* to there own bodies. Something like that happens with the young figure skaters/ gymnasts. They grow and haven't had time to adjust to the new size of there body. Skater Michelle Kwan is an example. She had a rough couple of years after she hit the top. She needed to adjust and relearn her body.

I'm not really sure what to tell you to help her get over it. I'd say just getting back to what she was doing. If a baseball player becomes afraid of the ball after being hit, they recommend throwing tennis balls at the kid. A tennis ball won't hurt but it will get them over the mental worry of being hit and the instinct to back away from the ball.

[RCT]

sorry I just saw your post honey,....sorry she is scared, I think time and humor are the best remedies.....DS is the same way since he got a black eye when he rode his bike into the back of the truck, scared to death to ride to close to the parked cars in the yard.....which I think will only change with time, and no pushing....good luck sweetie....being a parent isn't easy huh......