Mickey
04-14-2007, 05:48 PM
I mentioned this on another thread, but I'm feeling sad and need to post about it.
I haven't been close with her for quite a while now. She just completely drained me as she was so delusional and totally consumed by her distorted perspective. She thought everyone treated her badly--she would ask people who didn't agree with her why they were "attacking" her. She said that her husband abused her (but he did not--he just wouldn't get sucked into her stuff and that infuriated her). If anyone disagreed with her in any way, she felt attacked and abused.
Anyway, I tried to be a good friend. I tried to be there for her without feeding her delusions. But it eventually got to be too much. I'd tell her what she didn't want to hear and she'd pull away. The last time she pulled away, she left a message a few weeks later, but I didn't return her call.
Her husband left her. He went to help his mother with their family business after his father died and it was only supposed to be for a few months, but it ended up being permanent. And he ended up with custody of the kids.
She turned to her church, which was a UU church (kind of an umbrella for alternative religions/beliefs). And when she went on to them about how awful her husband and mother were, they didn't know her husband and mother (like I did and like her other friends who knew she was mentally ill) and while their intentions were good, they made things worse by feeding her delusions and ill-advising her. This woman was about to seek mental help (which she so desperately needed and all her friends (myself included) told her she needed to get) and her husband said that if she did get help, he would work on their marriage--but the church people talked her out of it, saying she didn't need help, she needed to get away from the horrible people in her life (the ones who were trying to help her).
She got progressively worse and her husband kept talking to her and trying to get her to go for help. She talked about suicide for a couple of weeks leading up to her death and on Good Friday, her husband was on the phone with her and she was talking about killng herself again. Again, he told her she needed to get help. Then he told her he was going to call the police so she can get help. She told him that if he called the police, she'd do it. He hung up with her and called the police. The police went to the door, identified themselves, and heard a gunshot.
No one planned a memorial service for her, so a friend planned it and it's tonight at her church. The husband and mother won't go (because of how they feel about the church people).
Anyway...I'm just feeling so sad. The kids seem ok with it, her estranged husband said he was actually relieved and that it makes his life easier, her mother had Good Will take all her clothes within 24 hours of her death, her pets were taken to the animal shelter, her jewelry was left at the pawn shop (she pawned it before her death and it's being left there). I told her husband that I have some photos of her and he said he didn't want them--that they have lots of photos. He said their 8 yo daughter wants to know when he'll remarry. Their 9 yo son seems indifferent.
It just feels like she's going to be erased from this life. Forgotten. I know that she made it hard for people to embrace her--if you didn't jump on her bandwagon with her, she alienated you--but it's still so sad. They're clearing the house, selling it, they got rid of all her personal belongings and they're moving on. And her church and friends will move on and life will go on and she'll be forgotten.
I'm hoping this service will help me to feel better. At first I was shocked, couldn't believe it, and so sad, imagining how devastated her kids must be (and her husband, even though they were separated). But I saw them yesterday and they just seem ok with it...like it was just another day. I really hope it just hasn't sunk in, but I think this is it.
Maybe when people deal with someone who is so mentally ill, who suffered so much, it's like when someone dies after a long, horrible bout with cancer or something--like a relief that they're out of their misery? I just don't know. I don't get it.
I'm sad. I keep wondering if someone could have gotten her to go for help, if they really pushed her or if someone could have had her committed--maybe some medication could have helped her to be happy and she'd still be here. I know she didn't want help and didn't think she needed it, but it just seems like such a waste of a life.
I don't plan to speak tonight. I have no idea what to say. I can't even imagine what others will say. I've never known someone who committed suicide before. It's a sick feeling.
I haven't been close with her for quite a while now. She just completely drained me as she was so delusional and totally consumed by her distorted perspective. She thought everyone treated her badly--she would ask people who didn't agree with her why they were "attacking" her. She said that her husband abused her (but he did not--he just wouldn't get sucked into her stuff and that infuriated her). If anyone disagreed with her in any way, she felt attacked and abused.
Anyway, I tried to be a good friend. I tried to be there for her without feeding her delusions. But it eventually got to be too much. I'd tell her what she didn't want to hear and she'd pull away. The last time she pulled away, she left a message a few weeks later, but I didn't return her call.
Her husband left her. He went to help his mother with their family business after his father died and it was only supposed to be for a few months, but it ended up being permanent. And he ended up with custody of the kids.
She turned to her church, which was a UU church (kind of an umbrella for alternative religions/beliefs). And when she went on to them about how awful her husband and mother were, they didn't know her husband and mother (like I did and like her other friends who knew she was mentally ill) and while their intentions were good, they made things worse by feeding her delusions and ill-advising her. This woman was about to seek mental help (which she so desperately needed and all her friends (myself included) told her she needed to get) and her husband said that if she did get help, he would work on their marriage--but the church people talked her out of it, saying she didn't need help, she needed to get away from the horrible people in her life (the ones who were trying to help her).
She got progressively worse and her husband kept talking to her and trying to get her to go for help. She talked about suicide for a couple of weeks leading up to her death and on Good Friday, her husband was on the phone with her and she was talking about killng herself again. Again, he told her she needed to get help. Then he told her he was going to call the police so she can get help. She told him that if he called the police, she'd do it. He hung up with her and called the police. The police went to the door, identified themselves, and heard a gunshot.
No one planned a memorial service for her, so a friend planned it and it's tonight at her church. The husband and mother won't go (because of how they feel about the church people).
Anyway...I'm just feeling so sad. The kids seem ok with it, her estranged husband said he was actually relieved and that it makes his life easier, her mother had Good Will take all her clothes within 24 hours of her death, her pets were taken to the animal shelter, her jewelry was left at the pawn shop (she pawned it before her death and it's being left there). I told her husband that I have some photos of her and he said he didn't want them--that they have lots of photos. He said their 8 yo daughter wants to know when he'll remarry. Their 9 yo son seems indifferent.
It just feels like she's going to be erased from this life. Forgotten. I know that she made it hard for people to embrace her--if you didn't jump on her bandwagon with her, she alienated you--but it's still so sad. They're clearing the house, selling it, they got rid of all her personal belongings and they're moving on. And her church and friends will move on and life will go on and she'll be forgotten.
I'm hoping this service will help me to feel better. At first I was shocked, couldn't believe it, and so sad, imagining how devastated her kids must be (and her husband, even though they were separated). But I saw them yesterday and they just seem ok with it...like it was just another day. I really hope it just hasn't sunk in, but I think this is it.
Maybe when people deal with someone who is so mentally ill, who suffered so much, it's like when someone dies after a long, horrible bout with cancer or something--like a relief that they're out of their misery? I just don't know. I don't get it.
I'm sad. I keep wondering if someone could have gotten her to go for help, if they really pushed her or if someone could have had her committed--maybe some medication could have helped her to be happy and she'd still be here. I know she didn't want help and didn't think she needed it, but it just seems like such a waste of a life.
I don't plan to speak tonight. I have no idea what to say. I can't even imagine what others will say. I've never known someone who committed suicide before. It's a sick feeling.