Is this the terrible two's?

[Karen]

My newly turned 2 year old dd, who I usually think of as a real joy, is driving me nuts. She ignores most of what I ask her to do (when it isn't what she wants to do). It doesn't seem that she's trying to be mean, it's like I'm talking to a wall. If I ask her to stop something, she just goes right ahead without pausing, like she doesn't hear me. Sometimes my hands are full or I'm conducting some business and can't imediately stop her.

Until I can read some books, or take a parenting class on discipline...any ideas? Please tell me this is normal 2 yo behavior!

[AnnW]

Yep, totally normal...isn't it fun?? :newwink:
The main thing is to remember consistancy, consistancy, consistancy...did I say consistancy??? I know it's hard when you are holding something or in the middle of something, but say you are holding the groceries and you need her to hold your hand while you are walking out..if she doesn't take your hand on the first request, you put the groceries down and take her hand and say you must hold my hand...if you keep saying "take my hand, take my hand, take my hand" she learns to not listen the first time. If you are in the middle of something and she is interrupting you, I have found if I rub their back while ignoring them and finishing what I am doing seems to help. I do not stop what I am doing (unless they are bleeding! LOL)

When you get time to get a book, I have found "Magic 1-2-3" by Thomas W. Phelan to be invaluable!!!!
Good luck. Two while being a great time of testing can also be a great joy!

[KarlaB]

I'm in agreement that it's completely normal!! Don't know if that's good news or not! :lol: I am going thru the same thing with my two yr old. :tearhair: I read something about this age and how they are testing their limits and newfound independence. Something I try to do if I know I will be on the phone or need to get something done is to try to get him involved in something before I make the call, whether it is a short movie, playdough or puzzles. Of course there are always times like you mentioned where you can't immediately stop what you are doing to intervene. My ds will even get this little look in his eyes and a smirk on his face, and then I know he is pushing his limits to see how far he can go with it. I think Ann offered some wonderful advice. And, as frustrating as it can be, sometimes I have to remiond myself that he is just two and that we are both learning as we go thru this. :) Good luck!!

[Mickey]

It's very normal. She's testing her boundaries.

Magic 1-2-3 works when they are younger and very impulsive (gives them a few seconds to think about the consequences), but I have found that you need to eventually transition them to doing something first time asked. When ds was in preschool, his teacher told me she can't "count" 20 kids and told me that I needed to encourage him to follow directions the first time he is asked to do something.

I totally agree about being consistent, though...no matter how hard it is, it's very important.

[AnnW]

That is interesting Mick, I found out about Magic 1-2-3 from DD's preschool..they used it. You are definitely right about learning to listen the first time, for us, it taught them to do that, and most of the time now, I just have hold up one finger as a reminder if needed.

[RCT]

oh yes it sounds like the terrible twos for us threes and fours...LOL...:lol: again I should pull out my Magic 1 2 3, we started it and then we moved, then started it again and moved again...I'm not moving so I think i will start it again....seems like all I do lately is yell and scream....maybe I'm having the terrible 30somethings...LOL...its so normal, and sometimes ignoring the behavor stops them dead...but keeping a cool head is best, hard but best...I recommend the magic 1 2 3, since I see other people having such great results....consisitancy is key, something I think I have lost track of......great post, you've reminded me that i need to get on the ball more, I have a whinny 5 year old and a 3 year old who is demanding...and so....

[Diane]

Good question... LOL It must be normal... because I just started a new 2-1/2 year old yesterday who walks around and totally ignores any/everything that is said to him... unless you're offering him food. :) LOL Every other child that I have always listens the FIRST time... so this is something new to me. I feel as if I'm always shouting because I'm constantly having to repeat... louder and louder, and I'm definitely NOT a loud or yelling person. :( I just may have to break down and go buy that book Ann... I know that you've suggested it quite a few times and I've heard quite a lot of good things about it. :) How long does it take before you start seeing any results? Soon I hope. LOL

Diane... :wave:

[AnnW]

Diane, I think I had such good luck with the system cause they were using it at dd's school so she was used to it. Maybe about a week. Have you tried whispering to the child? I have often joked that sometimes I don't think English is my kid's native tongue! LOL

[Amy2]

I agree. Totally normal. In fact, if the kid didn't try testing boundaries at this point, I'd worry there was something wrong!

I think at the toddler stage they want to feel like they are the ones making the decisions. Fortunatly, it is pretty easy to make them think that "You can't put on that shirt, uh-uh, no way...oh, wait no...you did it!" that kind of thing, that and the "I see that there are bocks all over the floor, what should we do?? Oh no!!"

With DS we did our best NOT to say the word NO. We said anything but-- "That's not for you" "We don't climb on the table" "The food goes in your mouth, not on the wall" whatever. And we found that he didn't go through the "NO!" stage where he said no to everything we said.

What we also did with him, that we are unfortunately finding hard to do with dd is redirection. CONSTANT redirection. I found the two's to be much easier than the threes because he was so easy to redirect. By three, he was on to me. (And I know it can be so hard when your hands are full.)

There was a lovely article in Mothering magazine a few months back that talked about ways to engage the kids so that they were doing what you wanted them to do without going through all the struggling. (I think if you go to Mothering.com or something, you can find it.)

I think the hardest thing to remember is they don't give a you-know-what about our agendas . They have their own agendas, and to them, they are just as important as ours. I found it helped me to try to lighten up a little bit and not have the expectation that things would be done as efficiently as they were when I didn't have a toddler underfoot. It helps me to stop and smell THEIR roses once in a while, when I find myself frustrated with them for not doing what I want them to do.

All that, and read 1-2-3 Magic. It has some great ideas.

Amy