What do you think... am I being too picky?

[Diane]

I have a little girl in my day care who is just a little bit over 3 years old. Her parents and I have been working on her potty training skills for at least 5/6 months now and up until Friday I hadn't really seen anything positive happening. Well, she FINALLY started going on the potty all by herself without me reminding/telling her to do so... BUT, she's still NEVER done her BM in the potty. She always does this at least once or twice a day, and let me tell you, it's a REAL mess! Her bowels AREN'T firm AT ALL... very muddy and pudding like in consistency. Up until today her parents have always brought her in pull-ups. This morning they walked in bragging about how well she's been going potty, with just a FEW accidents so... they've decided to bring her in a pair of big girl underwear, with a pair of baby plastic pants over them. Well, these aren't even the regular "thick" potty training undies, but the regular thin ones. Even if she DOES have an accident I know it's going to run out and get all over whatever it is she's sitting on (My couch/carpet, floor) at the time. Let's just say that I personally wasn't too thrilled! When he left I put her pull-up's back on her and am making her wear those while she's here. Now... what do you think? I'm thinking I'M right but I want to be fair about this and try to see it from every point of view. If somebody brought their little one in your house wearing these thin underwear when she wasn't totally/completely potty trained... would you leave her in them or would you change her back into the pull-ups? Please be honest... whether you agree with me or not. I want to fair... Thanks!!!

[Linda/NE]

That's a tough one! I can completely understand not wanting the accidents with the thin underwear. On the other hand, I know my kids never made any progress with pull ups. It sounds like the parents are really trying to work on this. Are the big girl pants some new ones--maybe an incentive for her to use the potty?
Also, is there some concern over her BM? Could she have an infection or something. Even if that's normal for her, it doesn't sound normal. My first thought when I read that was that maybe she needs to see a doctor.

I don't think you are being too picky. I'd try to discuss it with the parents. It could be that they think that's what YOU want--to have her in underwear and not use the pull ups anymore.

Good Luck!!

Diane, When I remember how hard it was for me to trust my own children's ability to get to the bathroom....I understand how you want to see some consistent behavior from her before risking the mess. I'd mention to the parents how proud you are of the progress she's making, but that since you have other children to care for and other responsibitities, you'd like to encourage her to practice independent toileting with pull-ups until you are all more confident. If you're worried about her having an accident and reminding her to go to the bathroom all the time, she isn't really listening to the cues from her own body. She's listening to you. Good luck. Hopefully this uncertain stage will pass quickly. Meantime, you should be able to be comfortable too.

[Suz]

I would definetly be putting the pull-ups on her!!!!
Let them take the risk at their home.
It is also a health factor, when other kids are there.

[kacee]

I would do a pull up!! I bought the thick panties for my dd. She wore those till she was 4. And yes! I did throw panties out if they were too messy!!

[KarlaB]

I would definitely do the pullups. My mom (also does dc) likes the kids to have had a wknd at home with little or no accidents before parents bring their kids in underwear. Some parents like the responsibility of training to be the providers. I also think if it was just potty accidents and not bm it wouldn't be as big of a deal, but in this case I would definitely use pullups and maybe tell the parents they need to make a little more progress at home before she can go without pullups. Good luck!

[Diane]

Well... I tried her in pull-up's yesterday and all she did was wet/poop in them. I was SO disappointed, but I still thought I was right for having changed her back into her pull-up's... well, evidently I was WRONG! I talked with her mom and dad and told them my concerns about her wetting and whatever all over my floors/furniture. I could tell that the mom was very upset and frustrated and didn't quite know what to do or say. Well, I gave in and decided to do it their way, but kept their dd in the toyroom pretty much of the day so if she went, it would be on the linoleum (that could be washed and sanitized) and not on my carpets or good furniture. Well by noon she was STILL dry and going on her own without any prompting from me. After her nap she told me she had to go REAL BAD. After she was in there for a few minutes she called me from the top of the step all excited because she went poopie IN THE TOILET!!! She was SO excited, and so was I. Of course, we HAD to call mommy so she could tell her her big news... and mommy was all excited. Needless to say, she is a very happy/proud little girl tonight. I sent her home with a certificate acknowledging her big accomplishment along with a sticker that said "Job" well done. LOL Mom and dad are rewarding her with supper at McDonalds. Needless to say, I was wrong and mom and dad was right. She's a very happy camper tonight! LOL

[PamE]

I'm glad she had such a good day today! I know what you mean about the mess. Ds had VERY soft stools until he was about five and man was that ever a pain. I threw away more underwear than I could count because of his accidents. I cringe to think of what you would go through!

[Leigh]

I am glad that everything turned out okay in the end. I just wanted to tell you the policy that the center where I work has. When you start potty training, there are no pull ups or plastic pants. You go straight to big girl or big boy underwear. The theory is that a pull up or plastic pants feels to much like a diaper, and if the child is playing too hard, they know this and will use them as diapers. Now to answer your question, I don't know if I would take that risk in my own home. If she messes at the center, it is their stuff that is ruined, but if she messed at my house, it would be my stuff she ruined. LOL!:)

[Suz]

Alright!!! Bet you and the parents are relieved!! Glad it all worked out!!

[KarlaB]

So glad to hear things worked out!! I bet the little girl is really proud of herself!!! :)

[Diane]

What's nice is that she continued with it today too. We even went so far as to remove the plastic pants they had over the underwear. She's SO excited... but I think she might be a little disappointed when she finds out that their not going to McDonalds AGAIN tonight to celebrate. LOL

[KarlaB]

They got off easy with a one time trip to McDonald's. LOL When we trained ds I bought him two fish. He was thrilled and I was excited, too, until I was the only one changing the water!! LOL! :)

[TXmom]

Do you still have the fish? Are they goldfish, or something else? I had to flush ds's fish before we moved (he was not happy!). Now that we're in the house, I've got the tank set up ready for us to go buy something. Any suggestions? We've have goldfish that died, and some kind of shark named fish that everytime I though it was dead, it would start swimming around again.

[KarlaB]

Originally posted by TXmom
Do you still have the fish? Are they goldfish, or something else? I had to flush ds's fish before we moved (he was not happy!). Now that we're in the house, I've got the tank set up ready for us to go buy something. Any suggestions? We've have goldfish that died, and some kind of shark named fish that everytime I though it was dead, it would start swimming around again.

They were goldfish and they died within days of each other. :( Ds and dh buried them in the backyard. We discovered the second one after getting back late one night. Dh wanted to flush it and I thought ds would have a hard time with that, so they ended up in the backyard with flashlights! I wonder what the neighbors thought if/when they saw them digging in the backyard late at night with flashlights...!! LOL! We just had ours in a fish bowl, but my mom had a huge aquarium and I am totally blanking out on good fish to get. LOL about your "shark" fish that played dead! :) Our pet store was pretty good at suggesting what to get and I actually think we had a type of goldfish with bigger tails or something? Good luck!! :)