View Full Version : Aaaarrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggg
grrrr....please send me a sign on what i am supposed to do!!!
the job downtown is good pay, good benefits that start at 30 days, 10 vacation days/10 sick days/10 holidays, seem like nice people, 8-5, no weekends/late nights, definitely more of a secretarial type job
the health club job, pay is better than starbucks but definitely in the hourly area, good benefits that start at 90 days, open 365 days per year, will have some nights and some weekends, definitely more of a customer service/people oriented job, would be part of opening a high profile club.
on paper, it looks like a no brainer...take the downtown job.
But i really liked the guy I met today, I like the GM, I think this would be such an interesting opportunity, it has a possibilty of advancement. in so many ways, the company reminds me of Starbucks in their philosophy ect. with the downtown job, i would always be the receptionist. the downtown lady who would be my boss was really nice and we hit it off right away too.
if this was only working for insurance, i would take the health club job in a heart beat. but we need some type of income. when you break down the two jobs into hourly, it's about a $6/hour difference.
i feel like i HAVE to take the downtown job because it almost seems irresponsible not to.
where is that burning bush when you need one???!!!
Diane
02-13-2008, 01:26 PM
grrrr....please send me a sign on what i am supposed to do!!!
the job downtown is good pay, good benefits that start at 30 days, 10 vacation days/10 sick days/10 holidays, seem like nice people, 8-5, no weekends/late nights, definitely more of a secretarial type job
the health club job, pay is better than starbucks but definitely in the hourly area, good benefits that start at 90 days, open 365 days per year, will have some nights and some weekends, definitely more of a customer service/people oriented job, would be part of opening a high profile club.
on paper, it looks like a no brainer...take the downtown job.
But i really liked the guy I met today, I like the GM, I think this would be such an interesting opportunity, it has a possibilty of advancement. in so many ways, the company reminds me of Starbucks in their philosophy ect. with the downtown job, i would always be the receptionist. the downtown lady who would be my boss was really nice and we hit it off right away too.
if this was only working for insurance, i would take the health club job in a heart beat. but we need some type of income. when you break down the two jobs into hourly, it's about a $6/hour difference.
i feel like i HAVE to take the downtown job because it almost seems irresponsible not to.
where is that burning bush when you need one???!!!
okay... so do I have this right? The downtown job pay's more $$ and the hours are much better? (8 to 5) Good benefits? Not as good as far as advancement though...
The job you interviewed for today is less pay, more/longer hours (evenings and weekends?) I may be way off... kind of confused. If I'm right in my thinking... I'd probably take the first job. Sorry if I'm not seeing this right. :lol:
I am sorry it's so difficult for you to make a decision and I understand your reasoning why. For me, it's a no-brainer...I'd take the office job downtown, but that's because that's what I do and it's what I love. I have tons of contact with others. I like that I know my hours every week and that I have a great pay with great benefits etc. But like I said, that's me. I hope you are able to get the sign you are seeking.
like i said, the downtown job looks like a no brainer.
forgot to mention the health club job is 5 minutes from home versus an hour.
I am sorry it's so difficult for you to make a decision and I understand your reasoning why. For me, it's a no-brainer...I'd take the office job downtown, but that's because that's what I do and it's what I love. I have tons of contact with others. I like that I know my hours every week and that I have a great pay with great benefits etc. But like I said, that's me. I hope you are able to get the sign you are seeking.
i do like the consistancy aspect of the downtown job alot. i won't really be in contact with alot of different people, but the same (nice) people everyday. i think there are 16 in the office. they do get people coming in, but not like the health club job.
okay... so do I have this right? The downtown job pay's more $$ and the hours are much better? (8 to 5) Good benefits? Not as good as far as advancement though...
The job you interviewed for today is less pay, more/longer hours (evenings and weekends?) I may be way off... kind of confused. If I'm right in my thinking... I'd probably take the first job. Sorry if I'm not seeing this right. :lol:
not more hours...just not 8-5...actually it woud probably be less hours.
the dilemma is do i take a the better paying job that would be 'just a job' and would probably be more disruptive to my family or do i take the job that pays less but really excites me?
Diane
02-13-2008, 02:15 PM
or do i take the job that pays less but really excites me?
and is an hour away and would probably cost you a fortune in gas. (seeing gas is so expensive now) :( You don't strike me as the kind of person who would like working different hours, evenings... weekends, even if it is less hours than the downtown job. :) Decisions, decisions...
Were either one of these jobs actually offered to you yet? Keeping my fingers crossed for you...
Unfortunately, you don't have the luxury of picking the fun job right now. Your family is in dire need of income. It would be different if your dh had a job and you still took a job just for yourself and to help catch up, but you don't have that safety net. The gym job is the right job at the wrong time in your life. :( You could also take the downtown job as a temp to perm basis to try it out. Make sure you plant a really good seed at the gym, so if your situation changes, that they would be open to you in the future.
not more hours...just not 8-5...actually it woud probably be less hours.
the dilemma is do i take a the better paying job that would be 'just a job' and would probably be more disruptive to my family or do i take the job that pays less but really excites me?
I think you just answered your own question, hun :thumb:
Have you calculated price of the commute?
and is an hour away and would probably cost you a fortune in gas. (seeing gas is so expensive now) :( You don't strike me as the kind of person who would like working different hours, evenings... weekends, even if it is less hours than the downtown job. :) Decisions, decisions...
Were either one of these jobs actually offered to you yet? Keeping my fingers crossed for you...
think you are confusing the two jobs. (easy i know! LOL)
the downtown one is an hour (give or take) away. that's the one that pays better.
the one with possible evening hours is 5 minutes from home
Unfortunately, you don't have the luxury of picking the fun job right now. Your family is in dire need of income. It would be different if your dh had a job and you still took a job just for yourself and to help catch up, but you don't have that safety net. The gym job is the right job at the wrong time in your life. :( You could also take the downtown job as a temp to perm basis to try it out. Make sure you plant a really good seed at the gym, so if your situation changes, that they would be open to you in the future.
yeah, that's what sucks
one of the reasons the health club job excites me is that it has all the potential in the world to really go as high up in the company i want to. it won't always be the hourly job and it very well could be moving into an assistant management position as early as August and that would pay about the same as the downtown job does now, which won't ever advance.
i was very honest with the guy today with my dilemma. he understood completely. he's trying to find as many perks to throw my way! LOL
Have you calculated price of the commute?
well, they do pay parking so thankfully it would 'just' be gas. and they will pay for a bus pass but that makes it even a longer commute (but at least less stressful)
another downside to the downtown job is that it puts everything back on dh to run things from home. he didn't do that very well when i was only gone from home 5 hours (of which they were only awake for 3 of them and this would be 10!!!
it's so hard because it's not black and white. i know what you are saying Amy, but there IS more to it than just money. hell, if it was just money, i would have interviewed for the every weekend job that paid real money!
yes, we need money. but i also don't need my family falling apart again either.
Melody
02-13-2008, 06:23 PM
another downside to the downtown job is that it puts everything back on dh to run things from home. he didn't do that very well when i was only gone from home 5 hours (of which they were only awake for 3 of them and this would be 10!!!
it's so hard because it's not black and white. i know what you are saying Amy, but there IS more to it than just money. hell, if it was just money, i would have interviewed for the every weekend job that paid real money!
yes, we need money. but i also don't need my family falling apart again either.
Go back and read everything you said about both jobs. To me, it sounds like you are trying to find permission to take the health club job and that is the one you really want. If it could be as soon as this coming August that the pay would match up with the downtown job then go for it! Between now and August, are you really going to go belly up with the lower pay or can you all make it until then?
Go back and read everything you said about both jobs. To me, it sounds like you are trying to find permission to take the health club job and that is the one you really want. If it could be as soon as this coming August that the pay would match up with the downtown job then go for it! Between now and August, are you really going to go belly up with the lower pay or can you all make it until then?
Well said!!
Diane
02-13-2008, 07:33 PM
think you are confusing the two jobs. (easy i know! LOL)
the downtown one is an hour (give or take) away. that's the one that pays better.
the one with possible evening hours is 5 minutes from home
okay... now I get it. :lol:
In a way, I guess I am asking for permission to take the lesser paying job. Part of me feels horribly irresponsible for even considering the health club job. If it was just money, it would be clear cut. I need to do what's best for my family...but is that making more money or making some money and still being able to be available? i truly don't know.
will we go belly up? i don't know if it could get worse? (yikes..maybe i shouldn't say that and jinx things! LOL)
we pulled out about 9 months worth of income from our IRA in January, so we have that.
oh, and just to complicate things more...we found out Monday that dd has been purposely not eating so that she can lose weight. she hasn't crossed the line physically into a danger zone, but has acknowledged emotionally that she is on the path. quite honestly, it's hard cause she does look good, she is right on the fine line of looking good to looking underweight. she has been losing weight since this summer (and she did need to) and started getting all sorts of positive affirmation from people and it just went from there. it's really in the last few weeks that it seems to have taken this turn.
so all this affects my decision. nothing is ever black and white in my life.
Sounds to me that your well being isn't being considered, here...you will still have health care right? still collect a paycheck......you've mentioned the families needs, what's wrong with enjoying your day....I see hat your saying....with the downtown job sounding perfect on paper.. the potential at the health club to further your career and the ok "FUN" factor sounds like something no one could say they weren't interested in....
What does your family say?
Cathy
02-13-2008, 08:19 PM
Take the lower pay-more fulfilling job with POTENTIAL. You'll have more time with your family and more flexibility (even if it's only because it's so close to home). Variable hours may sound sucky, but you'd be able to still do everything sometimes. I mean some day stuff, some evening stuff, some weekend stuff....you wouldn't have the impression of NEVER being able to ____ (you fill it in!). Plus something you enjoy and feel good about will feed your soul and your confidence. I think you've been making too many withdrawals on your life-satisfaction account and not enough deposits. You can supplement your lower initial earnings until they kick you upstairs.
Now, go do what I said....and don't forget to write a thankyou note to the downtown lady for the offer.
And get some sleep!! You're worrying too much.
(You're welcome....any time!) ;)
Sounds to me that your well being isn't being considered, here...you will still have health care right? still collect a paycheck......you've mentioned the families needs, what's wrong with enjoying your day....I see hat your saying....with the downtown job sounding perfect on paper.. the potential at the health club to further your career and the ok "FUN" factor sounds like something no one could say they weren't interested in....
What does your family say?
ds doesn't care, as he says 'he's out of here'! LOL
dd wants me to take the health club job because they have a pool with water slides she can hang out at, but she is torn cause more money might mean more things for her. :rolleyes:
i haven't really sat down and talked with dh in specifics. he seems to have the position of 'work for insurance' but then i find i get mad at the attitude and want to scream 'well, does that mean you will work for food???'
Take the lower pay-more fulfilling job with POTENTIAL. You'll have more time with your family and more flexibility (even if it's only because it's so close to home). Variable hours may sound sucky, but you'd be able to still do everything sometimes. I mean some day stuff, some evening stuff, some weekend stuff....you wouldn't have the impression of NEVER being able to ____ (you fill it in!). Plus something you enjoy and feel good about will feed your soul and your confidence. I think you've been making too many withdrawals on your life-satisfaction account and not enough deposits. You can supplement your lower initial earnings until they kick you upstairs.
Now, go do what I said....and don't forget to write a thankyou note to the downtown lady for the offer.
And get some sleep!! You're worrying too much.
(You're welcome....any time!) ;)
god, i love you!!! thank for you that smile and perspective.
one thing that crossed my mind when you were saying i could supplement is that i would be able to keep Miss Daisy and my other lady if i took the job closer to home.
i do get tickled on weekends when no one is home wondering 'why is it again that i can't work on weekends?' LOL
oh, and i would definitely write a thank you note.
Cathy
02-13-2008, 08:28 PM
god, i love you!!! thank for you that smile and perspective.
one thing that crossed my mind when you were saying i could supplement is that i would be able to keep Miss Daisy and my other lady if i took the job closer to home.
i do get tickled on weekends when no one is home wondering 'why is it again that i can't work on weekends?' LOL
oh, and i would definitely write a thank you note.
Sleep well!
Sleep well!
LOL
i don't have to decide anything till Friday.
Cathy
02-13-2008, 08:46 PM
PS (and I know I'm certainly no role model) You're not exactly marrying either job. You can try it. Maybe dh will take a page from your book.
IMHO a comment like "work for the insurance" is belittling and passive-agressive. You have more to offer than that. And you have a need for satisfaction, and a right to meet that need. Sorry if that steps over the line.
IMHO a comment like "work for the insurance" is belittling and passive-agressive. You have more to offer than that. And you have a need for satisfaction, and a right to meet that need. Sorry if that steps over the line.
no line..so don't worry!
he has other passive agressive tendancies, but i don't think this is one of them. LOL we always referred to the job at Starbucks as 'working for insurance' cause that's what it was, and then it became something fun.
i think in his way, he is trying to take the pressure off of me of thinking i need to support the family financially and it's 'ok' if it's only for insurance.
MaryL
02-13-2008, 09:22 PM
If it were me, I would take the job closer to home...even though it means less money, and the hours are more variable. Why? Because...that's why I do what I do! I have had offers to move to schools where I can make more money, but not have the family stability (maybe not the right word!) that I have now. I enjoy having the same days off as my kids...having the same start/stop date...being available if they need me...being comfortable enough with the staff and administration to be able to ask for some "leniency" (doctor appointments, sick days, etc). Do I make the most money that I could be? No. Has this been the right thing for my family? Yes. Even now, with dh's job situation...this is our steady thing, and has been for 18 years! LOL Something must have been right when I took this job!!
I wouldn't want to be an hour away from my kids all day...everyday. Especially in the summer.
Edited to add: I don't envy your having to make this decision...it's a tough one! However, I'm thrilled that you have two unique opportunities!! Congrats for that!!
littlesista06
02-13-2008, 09:50 PM
I'm sitting here agreeing with Mel and Cathy. Heck, even if the closer to home job pays less, it's still more than you're bringin' in now. :) LOL
And I like Mary's perspective of how exciting to have two unique opportunities!!
Dd's news frightens me a bit. I'm glad she's talking to you about it... I sure hope it doesn't get any worse. ((((hugs))))
I wouldn't want to be an hour away from my kids all day...everyday. Especially in the summer.
Edited to add: I don't envy your having to make this decision...it's a tough one! However, I'm thrilled that you have two unique opportunities!! Congrats for that!!
being so far during the summer bothers me too.
i will say i am thrilled to be in this position!
Dd's news frightens me a bit. I'm glad she's talking to you about it... I sure hope it doesn't get any worse. ((((hugs))))
thanks. if she wasn't actually losing weight, i would just write this off as another one of her 'dramatic personas' she likes to adopt.
i am glad she is talking.
Mickey
02-13-2008, 11:54 PM
What Cathy said! Go for the gym. For all the reasons she mentioned.
Can dh go into another line of work (or what he did years ago)? Or can he get into management in an office environment so his options and benefits may be better? Does he HAVE to stay in the building industry? Any news on the job for which he recently interviewed? Any other prospects for him?
MaryL
02-14-2008, 06:30 AM
There are alot of people who ask me why I've stayed at my current job (school) for so long, and I always answer..."It just feels right to me." That's really the truth. Go with what feels "right".
Cathy finally makes sense! LOL
What changed for you now Ann about the gym and hours? I thought it was a great job for you weeks ago, but you couldn't get past the weekends and 10pm closing time. I think it is a great opportunity and it will feed your confidence. The change in you, will definitely ripple through the rest of the house.
Melody
02-14-2008, 07:02 AM
oh, and just to complicate things more...we found out Monday that dd has been purposely not eating so that she can lose weight. she hasn't crossed the line physically into a danger zone, but has acknowledged emotionally that she is on the path. quite honestly, it's hard cause she does look good, she is right on the fine line of looking good to looking underweight. she has been losing weight since this summer (and she did need to) and started getting all sorts of positive affirmation from people and it just went from there. it's really in the last few weeks that it seems to have taken this turn.
so all this affects my decision. nothing is ever black and white in my life.
((hugs)) It is a relief that she's talking about it. That is a big thing and she must realize that this is unhealthy. I will pray that it does not go any farther than it has and she keeps a positive body image no matter what her size.
Can dh go into another line of work (or what he did years ago)? Or can he get into management in an office environment so his options and benefits may be better? Does he HAVE to stay in the building industry? Any news on the job for which he recently interviewed? Any other prospects for him?
yes, he can go into another line of work, no he doesn't have to stay in building...but the issue is, is he willing?
and the answer seems to be no.
Cathy finally makes sense! LOL
What changed for you now Ann about the gym and hours? I thought it was a great job for you weeks ago, but you couldn't get past the weekends and 10pm closing time. I think it is a great opportunity and it will feed your confidence. The change in you, will definitely ripple through the rest of the house.
it was never staying till 10
but what changed is that it's now at the brand new club 5 minutes from my house versus 30-40 minutes away.
and it's a slightly different position, and a much different opportunity.
i flat out told the guy yesterday that when they offered me the position at the other location, i wasn't interested in it because of the location and pay. and the only thing that made me somewhat discount the pay for this new location was that it was so close and the chance to be in from the ground up.
Diane
02-14-2008, 07:22 AM
oh, and just to complicate things more...we found out Monday that dd has been purposely not eating so that she can lose weight. she hasn't crossed the line physically into a danger zone, but has acknowledged emotionally that she is on the path. quite honestly, it's hard cause she does look good, she is right on the fine line of looking good to looking underweight. she has been losing weight since this summer (and she did need to) and started getting all sorts of positive affirmation from people and it just went from there. it's really in the last few weeks that it seems to have taken this turn.
so all this affects my decision. nothing is ever black and white in my life.
Like everyone else said... at least she's talking to you about it, which say's a lot about the good relationship you have with each oher and how comfortable she is talking with you about it. I too hope it doesn't get any worse. ((((HUGS))))
((hugs)) It is a relief that she's talking about it. That is a big thing and she must realize that this is unhealthy. I will pray that it does not go any farther than it has and she keeps a positive body image no matter what her size.
Thanks, Mel.
you know it's such a fine line with weight loss and body image. for example, we are all so proud of the hard work that Amy, Renee and Angie put in. we gush and compliment when someone loses weight, and frankly people do look better at the appropriate weight for their body, and it's healtier, and i am all for being healthy.
it's so easy to understand how someone would tie their body image into their self esteem. i know i suffered when i gained all that weight. i loved being the little tiny gal.
think of all the times we have said we felt 'bad' because of how we looked or even how moral value is put on food...she is a good eater or he is a bad eater. i have tried very hard with both of my kids to talk about making healthy choices, but i know i have made the mistake of calling myself fat.
alot of it hasn't even about the weight, she all the sudden just blossomed and went from a cute little girl to truly breath-taking almost overnight and people have been constantly commenting on that. for someone like my dd who is a pleaser, i can see how getting all this attention could be enticing.
Take the lower pay-more fulfilling job with POTENTIAL. You'll have more time with your family and more flexibility (even if it's only because it's so close to home). Variable hours may sound sucky, but you'd be able to still do everything sometimes. I mean some day stuff, some evening stuff, some weekend stuff....you wouldn't have the impression of NEVER being able to ____ (you fill it in!). Plus something you enjoy and feel good about will feed your soul and your confidence. I think you've been making too many withdrawals on your life-satisfaction account and not enough deposits. You can supplement your lower initial earnings until they kick you upstairs.
Now, go do what I said....and don't forget to write a thankyou note to the downtown lady for the offer.
And get some sleep!! You're worrying too much.
(You're welcome....any time!) ;)
LOL I agree, this is the one you want and really your the one who has to go there every day!
oh, and just to complicate things more...we found out Monday that dd has been purposely not eating so that she can lose weight. she hasn't crossed the line physically into a danger zone, but has acknowledged emotionally that she is on the path. quite honestly, it's hard cause she does look good, she is right on the fine line of looking good to looking underweight. she has been losing weight since this summer (and she did need to) and started getting all sorts of positive affirmation from people and it just went from there. it's really in the last few weeks that it seems to have taken this turn.
so all this affects my decision. nothing is ever black and white in my life.
Oh Ann, ((((((((((HUGS))))))))) I am so glad she is talking to you about it...
Thanks, Mel.
you know it's such a fine line with weight loss and body image. for example, we are all so proud of the hard work that Amy, Renee and Angie put in. we gush and compliment when someone loses weight, and frankly people do look better at the appropriate weight for their body, and it's healtier, and i am all for being healthy.
it's so easy to understand how someone would tie their body image into their self esteem. i know i suffered when i gained all that weight. i loved being the little tiny gal.
think of all the times we have said we felt 'bad' because of how we looked or even how moral value is put on food...she is a good eater or he is a bad eater. i have tried very hard with both of my kids to talk about making healthy choices, but i know i have made the mistake of calling myself fat.
alot of it hasn't even about the weight, she all the sudden just blossomed and went from a cute little girl to truly breath-taking almost overnight and people have been constantly commenting on that. for someone like my dd who is a pleaser, i can see how getting all this attention could be enticing.
Those pleasers are very dangerous. That all of a sudden attention can be very addicting.
Dd was right there when I was loosing weight. She always saw me eat at every meal and exercised with me when she felt like it. There is that fine line about teaching healthy habits and them taking it to a different level. I am constantly monitoring her for any signs-that is all that you can really do at this point in their life.
Originally Posted by AnnW View Post
not more hours...just not 8-5...actually it woud probably be less hours.
the dilemma is do i take a the better paying job that would be 'just a job' and would probably be more disruptive to my family or do i take the job that pays less but really excites me?
I think you just answered your own question, hun
I know you'll make the decision that's right for both you and your family.
Ann, it sounds like your dd is going to get great guidance fron you and it's wonderful that she's talking to you about it. She's aware of the dangers and potential problem. Good for her.
Those pleasers are very dangerous. That all of a sudden attention can be very addicting.
Dd was right there when I was loosing weight. She always saw me eat at every meal and exercised with me when she felt like it. There is that fine line about teaching healthy habits and them taking it to a different level. I am constantly monitoring her for any signs-that is all that you can really do at this point in their life.
yep, the 'pleaser' aspect of her personality has worried us for years when we think about her dating, peer pressure ect.
the good thing is she also told her best friends and they said they knew something was up too.
Good for your dd for talking to both you and her friends. She's very mature. I hope this doesn't turn into anything serious.
About the job, it seems like a no brainer to take the job that pays more. If it were me, I'd take the job closer to home. Just for the fact- it's closer to home. The hours may suck at times, but it also may be nice to have the varied hours. I liked that with my last job. There's potential to go far with this company. You said it will be fun- fun and work is always good! Any money right now is better than no money, right? Good Luck with your decision. I'm glad you have an option.
dh and i talked and he is definitely more on the side of the health club because of all the intangibles that we've been talking about. he is such a numbers person that the broke it down per day. it's about a $40 difference per day...that doesn't sound so bad! LOL
he has the same hesitiations about me being downtown and the long hours away as i do.
dh and i talked and he is definitely more on the side of the health club because of all the intangibles that we've been talking about. he is such a numbers person that the broke it down per day. it's about a $40 difference per day...that doesn't sound so bad! LOL
he has the same hesitiations about me being downtown and the long hours away as i do.
That's good that you were able to talk about it and weigh the pros and cons together. Good Luck!
Thanks.
why can't anything be easy...just found out that the health club job may involve working at the other club some. they wanted the position they offered me to be more of a part time thing but i told them i wouldn't even consider it if it wasn't insurance eligible, so to get to me full time, i might have to go work some at the other clubs....hmmm
Mickey
02-14-2008, 01:49 PM
yep, the 'pleaser' aspect of her personality has worried us for years when we think about her dating, peer pressure ect.
the good thing is she also told her best friends and they said they knew something was up too.
That is a cause for concern, but I think eating disorders have more to do with control--or rather lack thereof. My sister's husband's sister has anorexia and bulimia and the family has some huge control issues and they manifested differently in each kid. The parents were controlling and would push them to do more and more and more. My bil is ALWAYS late--very obviously intentional--and a bit on the OCD side. His one sister is anorexic, his other sister moved far away to escape it, and everything his brother does is very obviously the total opposite of what his mother wants, to the point of self-sabotage.
Oh, and the sister with the eating disorder does not admit to having one to this day--even after years of everyone tryin got help her--they even committed her to a facility for a few months once and she kept asking why she was there and went on about how ridiculous everyone was being. The fact that your dd has talked to you about it is a really good thing.
yes, i have always heard it was a control thing and it may very well be subconsciously for her. but she has said that she was doing this 'cause then stepmonster will love me and be proud of me and we will be able to be part of the family again' darlinng SM had really been praising her alot at Christmas about how she looked and sort of critisizing her other granddaughter's appearance.
poor kid, i told her that it wasn't her responsibility to insure we had a good relationship with sm. i also talked to my dad (didn't mention what she said) and just told him what was going on and that we would really appreciate it if he and sm did not focus on her weight loss.
Leigh
02-14-2008, 06:14 PM
I have read through all of this, and really all I can say is it really sounds like you need a ton of ((((ANN)))) right now.
yes, i have always heard it was a control thing and it may very well be subconsciously for her. but she has said that she was doing this 'cause then stepmonster will love me and be proud of me and we will be able to be part of the family again' darlinng SM had really been praising her alot at Christmas about how she looked and sort of critisizing her other granddaughter's appearance.
poor kid, i told her that it wasn't her responsibility to insure we had a good relationship with sm. i also talked to my dad (didn't mention what she said) and just told him what was going on and that we would really appreciate it if he and sm did not focus on her weight loss.
That just breaks my heart. That is so sad that she feels that way.
That just breaks my heart. That is so sad that she feels that way.
yep, it's pretty sucky. it's amazing what the woman has managed to do to our family. i sure hope it's worth it to my dad.
Oh Ann, my heart is breaking for you and your dd....
I think its wonderful that your talking and that she can communicate what she is feeling...and that she isn't so far into it that is "got her" (((((((HUGS)))))))
Melody
02-15-2008, 09:17 AM
yes, i have always heard it was a control thing and it may very well be subconsciously for her. but she has said that she was doing this 'cause then stepmonster will love me and be proud of me and we will be able to be part of the family again' darlinng SM had really been praising her alot at Christmas about how she looked and sort of critisizing her other granddaughter's appearance.
poor kid, i told her that it wasn't her responsibility to insure we had a good relationship with sm. i also talked to my dad (didn't mention what she said) and just told him what was going on and that we would really appreciate it if he and sm did not focus on her weight loss.
I feel so bad for her. It is a control thing. I had a problem in early high school and that was a big thing with it. Comments on weight, no matter what the size is never a help. I can't stand to hear people comment on someone else's weight. It's my biggest pet peeve. (((hugs to dd)))
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