SAHM vs work vs college (vent)

[JAK]

I'm going through a tough decision right now.

I have been a SAHM for 3 1/2 years now and the pay really sucks! LOL I love being home with my dks and it is rewarding in the fact that I know that I am raising them the way that dh and I want them to be raised. In the fall both of my dks will be in school all day.

My parents have been asking for years when am I going to go back to school? Well, I decided that since both dks will be in school all day I would go to school as well. I don't WANT to go to school at all, but I feel I NEED to go to school to prove something. To who I'm not sure. My thinking is that if I go back to school and get a degree (it would be in Early Childhood Development) someday when my dks are older I could get a better paying job. The only reason I'd get a degree in ECD is because that is what I went to school for years ago so I already have some of the credits I need. I really do not want to work with kids again (at this time anyway).

The problem is that Alaska is a very expensive place to live and the military does not pay really well. Dh already works 2 jobs just so we can have a little bit of spending money. I feel guilty (even though he says I shouldn't) that he works so hard and doesn't get very much sleep and we don't really get to see him very much. So I was thinking about getting a job instead of going to school. That brings on a bunch of new issues. We have one car- so then we'd need another and then there is the cost of daycare for 2 dks. :tearhair: Not to mention I think my parents would be just a little pi$$ed off if I decided not to go to school after all! My dh just wants me to be happy and will support me in whatever I decided to do. Right now I am not happy! Just going crazy! I want a quick fix to make me feel better- I am not a patient person.

help... :\

[AnnW]

If you only have one car, how would you get to school?
Do you have to make a decision this year....could you wait and see how it goes having two kids in school full time, and what that entails?

[Cathy]

Jen, How about getting a job with the least amount of daycare hours that you can-- or even waiting (though I hear you on the patience thing) until your children start school to start working. Then take one or two courses each semester to chip away at your degree? Your life will be complicated, busy, and difficult to organize, but you'll be moving forward. It gives everyone part of what they want.
I get frustrated when I hear "you can have it all" (great marriage, great kids, great job, comfortable income, fulfilling social life, satisfying homelife, don't forget great health and happiness). I believe you can 'have it all'. But realistically, not all at once. That's so much to balance in the allowable 24 hours per day. Something has to wait. Since kids can't wait, and marriages can wither from neglect, maybe some of the other stuff has to be compromised for now. It'll come together. Hang in there.

PS- A higher paying job in early childhood education?? Tell me more! LOL That's a field for love and devotion, not $$$$ in my experience.

[Diane]

I've been going back and forth with this decision too. First of all... don't go back to school for ANYONE else but yourself. Don't worry if your parents (or anyone else) will be disappointed (or pissed off) with your decision. This is YOUR life and you have to do what makes you happy. If you don't feel as if you want to work with kids... please don't. You'll only be miserable and it will show through in your work. If you're going to take the time and spend all this money going back to school, you may as well end up with something you will truely look forward to and enjoy doing. It took me a long time to realize that making a lot of $$ isn't everything... but being happy is.

I worked full time during the day and went to school in the evenings in order to get my ECD and now that I have it I'm not sure what I'm even going to do with it, if anything... but I'm still very happy that I did it. I proved something to myself... and it made me feel very good/proud. I also didn't have my drivers license or a car at the time I was going to school... so I had to count on my oldest dd or my dh to drive me back and forth and I HATED that. :rolleyes: I know it's a hard decision to make... let us know what you decide to do and... GOOD LUCK!!! :)

Diane... :wave:

[Amy]

Jen do NOT go back to school for your parent or to get a degree that you thought was a good idea at 19 yrs. old. It would be a waste of your time. Heck, just last year I was thinking of ditching my Master's degree and going back to be a dental hygientist because those ladies make $35.00 and hour and its only an associates degree!! I will probably never go back into my field again because it not child friendly. If there is something out there that you really want to learn, than go for it; otherwise, find a good part time job. Maybe on base or at the kids school. Does the school have afterschool care? Thats usually free.

[Mickey]

Ditto what Amy/CO said!

First, try to figure out what YOU want to do. And don't go to school for anyone but YOU.

[JAK]

UGH! :p LOL! I really am going crazy!

Ann- I have access to the car a few hours during the day (most of the time) so I was going to take my classes during the day when the dks are at school. Dh would be sleeping. Be ten I found out that they offer on-line class and telecourses on t.v. So I was just going to do that this semester. That way I wouldn't have to worry about a car for a while anyway. Also, I don't have to make a decision this year (it's the whole not having patience!)

Cathy- I wasn't thinking about a higher paying job in ECE just if I had a degree in general I might get paid better than someone who doesn't have a degree at all. Or is that not how life works?! LOL

AMY/CO- They do have after school care but it is anything but free. I know the lady who is the director of the program and I really like her. But it is not cheap. They would bus the kids to the afterschool program building after school and then I would have to go pick them up there.

Everything I'm going through is internal. It's hard to describe in words what I am feeling. My mom always worked and was never home. I was a latch key kids from age 8 on. I always said that I wouldn't do that to my dks. I wanted to be there for them and I still do! If I could find a job to work only while they were at school that would be wonderful. Then daycare would not be an issue.

The school thing I'm still not sure. In high school I hated school and didn't try at all. I graduated but I knew that I could have done a lot better. I usually feel pretty stupid because I didn't pay attention in school so I missed out on a lot. I liked college when I went and I got all A's and B's. All my classes were ECD and I loved them. So maybe I need to go to school and get a degree to prove to myself I'm not as stupid as I feel! (I need therpy! LOL :) )

In life I have no desire to be the boss of a big company or do something major with my life. I am just a mom who loves being home with her kids. The part I don't like is not having money. We survive, but I'd like to have money in the bank in case we need it. I don't enjoy living paycheck to paycheck.

Sorry for rambling- as you know I don't really have many friends around here and I wouldn't want the few that I have made to know how screwed up my mind really is! LOL
;) You guys are my venting post and my therpy all in one! Thanks! :)

[Cathy]

Jen, You sound like you've thought a lot about this, and that's good. Choose what feels right to you. You have a grip on what the decision involves, and it sounds like you have a supportive dh. How about just a part-time job to add a little income? Do you have access to a baby-sitting co-op? There are ups and downs to those, but it might give you a little flexibility. It would also take off the stress of working to pay daycare costs. Whatever you decide, remember, it's not set in stone. You can always change your mind if it hurts more than it helps. Take care and follow your gut on this one.

[darlene]

Hi Jen. I would suggest looking into being a teacher assistant at the local school(s). I started subbing as a TA and once they knew that I would go to any school and help out with any student (ex wheelchair bound), I worked 3-4 days per week. Perfect hours.....always home when the kids are! No day care costs and summer holidays/christmas and spring break I am home with them too. I even have enough hours to collect unemployment insurance for the summer.

I agree with the others....don't go back to school unless YOU want to. Our kids are only grow up once!

:)

[RCT]

Jen I agree with the others about school, Don't do it for anyone else....I couldn't even imagine going back now, I hated it when I did it so long ago......I get asked the same question about going to work, when my youngest gets into full time Kindergarden....I really don't have the urge to do that either, I would like the money, and will probably do it partime, but I want to be home when my dk's get home, and have weekends off too....I am thinking of becoming a caffatieria lady, next year when dd is in full time school......pressure stinks and only you can please you....:snickers:

[JAK]

Remember this post from way back when?

As you know from the hormone post thing I am/was going through some depression type of stuff recently. I went surfing through the posts a few weeks ago and found this post. I knew that I had posted this and was really honest about the way that I was feeling at the time- so I wanted to see what I wrote back them.

Now I'm posting to this post to say thank you to all of you who posted me a reply to this post in July and say that most, if not all of you were right.

I still feel the way that I did then, I really don't want to work with kids (I mean in a daycare center enviornment). It's different with home daycare because I can choose which children I take or don't take into my home. I still don't want to be going to school and that up until recently was one of my BIGGEST stresses. So, I decided to drop my class. It has been the biggest relief to me. I feel happier and I know that my family is happier now because I'm not as grumpy all the time.

It did take a while for me to see that you guys were right. You only live once and you can't do things to please other people, including your parents. I need to live for me and do what is right for me and my family (dh, dd and ds ONLY) and no one else. Thank you for your words of wisdom- I may not have taken them to heart back in July, and I wish that I had. But, you live and learn and I'm trying to do better.

Sorry this is so long, but I'm feeling better and just wanted you to know that in some small way, each of you has helped. Thank you! :)

[Cathy]

:D
Glad you are getting things into place. Nobody has all the answers......I'm still finding more questions. :thumb: :thumb:

[Leigh]

I am so glad that you have finally found happiness. I wish you more and more!!!:D

[KarlaB]

Great advice from everyone. Even though your patience is thin right now, take your time and follow your heart. Do what feels best to YOU. Make decisions for YOU - not for anyone else or you still won't feel content and happy. Good luck as you work thru all of this and lean on us when you need to!!

[Marla]

Jen, you have definately gotten some amazing advice. I'm glad that everything is starting to come together. You definately have to please yourself first!!

[AnnW]

Originally posted by JAK
and say that most, if not all of you were right.




ok..so who was wrong????!!!!! :newwink:



Glad you were able to figure it all out! Be happy!

[RCT]

glad things are on the upswing again....its hard being a woman today....I think because we have all these new choices it makes life even more complicated with what we should do, what we could do, and what people expect from us? Glad your finding peace.....I am with ya....still have my days...but I am feeling better one day at a time....:)