View Full Version : Really sad day
My Mom went to visit my Grandmother yesterday and to help out my Uncle who was taking care of her. During a nap, my grandmother slipped into a coma and has yet to regain consciousness. If that wasn't bad enough, this morning, my Uncle started yelling for my Dad and was banging his head against the wall. We think it was a seizure (due to the advance stages of alcoholism) and died on the way to the hospital. We knew he was really sick from alcohol, but we had no idea it would shut down his body completely and swiftly. I just talked to him yesterday. Everyone is in shock and now we are waiting for word on my Grandma. We almost hope she doesn't wake up, because this will sure kill her. Im so sad and can't do much from Colorado. My Mom is in shock and has to take on the brunt of the responsiblity. Please say a prayer for some peace for those suffering and those deceased.
How sad! Of course you and yours are in my prayers...and I'm sending you a hug ((((Amy)))) Your poor family :(
Keep us posted on grandma!
I'm so sorry for the loss of your uncle. I know words don't help. Good thoughts and prayers go out from here to you and your family.
My heart is heavy for you and your family....I am keeping you in my prayers also....take care of yourself today....that will help in the long run....
Leigh
02-20-2001, 01:22 PM
I've just started posting here, but I already feel like ya'll are part of my family. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and my thoughts and prayers will be with you. I hope everything goes well with your grandmother. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers too. Please keep us updated. We will be thinking of you. :(
KarlaB
02-20-2001, 01:26 PM
I am so sorry to hear about all that you are going through. What a difficult difficult time. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
:( :(
oh sweetie, I am SO sorry!!! Bless your heart and bless your mother's too!!!! Your family is in my thoughts and prayers!
KathyT
02-20-2001, 01:34 PM
Oh Amy, how sad, what an ordeal. I'm thinking of you, please let us know how your Grandma is doing when you get a chance.
You and your family are in my thoughts. I'm sorry for what you are all going through and please keep us posted.
Diane
02-20-2001, 02:29 PM
I'm so sorry that you've been going through so much Amy... my thoughts and prayers are with you.
beth c
02-20-2001, 03:01 PM
Amy-I add my sympathies to those already expressed. You will be in my prayers!!
darlene
02-20-2001, 04:07 PM
So sorry to hear your news. You and your family are in my thoughts.
TXmom
02-20-2001, 04:59 PM
Oh Amy, I'm so sorry! Ya'll are in my prayers.
Diane
02-20-2001, 05:06 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through so much Amy... my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Your family is in my prayers. How very sad.
Thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me.
We still don't have any word on my grandmother. She is still in a coma, but flinches when blood is drawn. She still doesn't respond.
We now think my Uncle knew he was close to dying. That is why he asked my Mom to come. The fact that he died while my grandmother was in the hospital (and unaware)was a mixed blessing. Everyone was afraid of what would happen to him once my grandmother died. He refused help.
Thank you again and will keep you posted.
KarlaB
02-20-2001, 07:05 PM
My heart just breaks when I read what you are going through. My fil was in a coma this past fall and the not knowing and waiting is very difficult, especially when you are also dealing with the loss of your uncle. I really feel for you. Be sure to come here for support - as you know there are lots of caring people here. Hang in there!!!!! Thoughts, prayers and sympathy to you and your family!!
kacee
02-20-2001, 07:05 PM
Count me on with the many hoping for good news tomorrow. You will be in my thoughts. Let us know how things are going. It will be a better day- tomorrow!!
My prayers are with you, of course. If your grandmother passes on, it is likely she will go peacefully, without suffering. I suppose that could be something to be grateful for as well.
I'm wondering, though... You said your uncle started yelling for your dad (presumably deceased?). Do you think perhaps your dad came to greet him and help him to the "other side?" (the idea of loved ones coming to escort us to the spirit world fascinates and comforts me) I found that part of your story very interesting, yet sad that he apparently must have been suffering to be banging his head on the wall.
I wish for peace and comfort for you and your family in this difficult time.
[Edited by MK on 02-20-2001 at 10:04 PM]
Mk-my Dad is not dead (thankfully). He came in after my Grandmother went to the hospital to help out my Mom. He is our rock of Gilbratar (sp) in the family. I think my Uncle called for him because he knew he could "handle" it. My Mom told me this morning she couldn't go in there when the ENT's were working on him.
One other thing my Mom and I touched upon this morning is the possiblity of a suicide pact between them. No one can find this perscription sedative of my grandma's. And the fact that she slipped into a coma upon sleeping and he died within 24 hours, just after they my Mom came,seems fishy. Neither had the will to live. It just seems logical, but also mean to put that burden on my Mom. She is not the strong one. She did really good though.
((((((Amy)))))) hugs for you!!
Linda/NE
02-21-2001, 10:41 AM
I'm so sorry!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
angie r
02-21-2001, 12:23 PM
Sending prayers your way. May God be with all of you.
Amy,
I am so sorry! Know that I have just said a prayer for your family.
Melody
02-22-2001, 09:10 AM
Amy,
You and your family are in my thoughts. I really hope you get good news of your Grandmother soon. It's so sad about losing your uncle the way you did. I'm sure he is in peace and watching over your Grandmother. Take care.
She woke up from her coma, is puzzled as to what happened and looks so much better according to my Mom. She asked about my Uncle, and was told he was "resting". The good thing is she knows he would have never shown up at the hospital or called, so she takes this information at face value. I don't know how much longer they can keep this from her.:(
The real ugly part is my Aunt. She makes her living off inheritances and this is her last cash cow. She has been known to "help clean house" in past inheritances. She has already asked my father for an advance (he is the executor) and my Grandmother is still alive!! I've heard about these kind of situations concerning estates, I just hope this one stays honest and everyone like each other afterwards!
Yea for Granny!!!! Boo on your aunt...hope it doesn't get ugly!
Leigh
02-22-2001, 10:18 AM
I am glad to hear that your grandmother is improving, and I also hope that everything works out for the best. Good luck. You and your family are still in my prayers.
Diane
02-22-2001, 10:52 AM
GREAT news about your grandma... I hope when they decide to tell her about your uncle she handles the news okay. As for your aunt, she sounds like a real winner... how TACKIE!!!!! Gotta wonder how people get like that. Ugh! Please keep us updated as to how everything is going. :)
Good news about your grandmother. I am sure she is getting the best of care and when they do tell her about your uncle, remember that she is likely in the best place she could be to hear this news. And about your aunt...times like this really bring out the ugly in some people, doesn't it?
KarlaB
02-22-2001, 12:48 PM
So glad to hear about your grandma! :) I hope your aunt doesn't start causing trouble - no one needs extra stress like that either! :(
Amy, I'm glad to hear about your grandma. I hope things continue to go well for her and that she'll handle the news well.
As for the aunt...she needs a swift kick! LOL
Grandma is getting stronger everyday. She admitted she took the bottle of sedatives to finally go to sleep and die. She is 94 yrs old and should have been dead 3 x's before. Its amazing that her body just won't let her die. She is really disappointed that she is still here.
We think she took the sedatives because she just couldn't watch my Uncle get worse. She has been pleading with my Mom to make him go to a doctor. The funeral is today and now it looks as if she will be released within a week. Everyone is dreading to have to tell her the truth. It will destroy her.
Thank you again
TXmom
02-23-2001, 08:48 AM
So the Uncle is her son? I've never been in this situation - I know you want to spare her health - but I think I'd want to be told if my child was dead. Again, I'm so sorry you all are going through this - you're in my prayers.
Diane
02-23-2001, 10:56 AM
Maybe now that he's gone she won't have to worry herself to death about him anymore. I'm probably not sounding very sensative... and I'm not meaning for it to come out that way but through experience (my father-inlaw) I know what it's like. I think the sooner you can tell her... the better. I'm sure she'll feel terrible about it, but after it sinks in she'll have to accept it and she'll probably be just fine. Good luck... and let us updated as to how she's doing. I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers... :)
When my grandfather died at 87, his mother was still alive at 98, she kept saying "this is so wrong, a mother shouldn't outlive her son" We were like, well, grandmama..uh..most people don't live to 98!!!!" LOL
I agree with Diane, I think ya'll should tell her before the funeral..if she is going to get out next week, I would almost be tempted to wait to have the service till then. She will need it.
KarlaB
02-23-2001, 11:28 AM
I also agree about telling her and giving the her chance to decide about going to the funeral. That is a big thing to decide for someone and can definitely play a role in how she handles/accepts his death.
KarlaB
02-23-2001, 11:30 AM
Originally posted by AnnW
When my grandfather died at 87, his mother was still alive at 98, she kept saying "this is so wrong, a mother shouldn't outlive her son" We were like, well, grandmama..uh..most people don't live to 98!!!!" LOL
Was this a typo or was your grandfather born when his mom was 11???? Yikes! :)
Oops!!! he was born when she was 16!!! so let me do the math again....she was 98 and and he was 82! LOL
Valerie
02-25-2001, 04:04 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your Grandma will try not to hurt herself, but deep down inside she will feel a stabbing pain. I give my hope for your Grandma to get better!
Lynda/WA
02-26-2001, 12:49 AM
I'm sorry to hear about your uncle and glad your Grandma is improving. I have to agree with DianaP AnnW and others. Perhaps this will make it easier for your Grandma. My one worry would be that she would blame herself, thinking that if she hadn't taken the meds that your Uncle would still be OK.
I'd tell her before the service for sure. DH's grandma had a stroke a year ago and his dad didn't let anyone know for a week. DH and his sister were especially hurt.
BTW, both of my parents have had siblings/ cousins/ friends die in the past year. In the case of two of Dad's brothers they knew in advance. One was much older. The other sounds much like your uncle. He had been an alcoholic and even though he died of prostate cancer the alcohol speeded matters up. I was especially surprised at how hard my dad took his death. I think having people their own age die made them face their own mortality. I'd try and let your kids talk to your parents abit more than normal. Maybe make a video or something. I think knowing that they have a lasting legacy in their grandchildren has really helped.
Will you be able to make it back for the service? If not I'd call and share memories with those closest to him(Grandma and Mom?). I hadn't seen my aunt for years prior to my uncle unexpectedly dying last year. I felt very uncomfortable calling her since we have never been especially close. We wound up talking for hours though sharing memories and such. In her case (like maybe with your uncle/Grandma?) I think she felt guilt because his accident was eventually ruled a suicide and they were having marital problems. I think it helped her to realize that most of her in-laws didn't blame her and were there for her, non-judgemental and supportive. My mom said she went on for over an hour about how wonderful I was after that call. And to think, I almost didn't call because I had no idea what to say.
Anyways, I hope your Grandma continues to improve. She sounds like one tough cookie and I'm guessing she's gained a bit of wisdom in her years as well. She's already buried a husband herself. If she's unafraid of dying, she may take your uncle's death better than you think.
You may need to club the aunt though. She sounds like a parasite! I wouldn't think legally an executor could draw on a will that isn't in effect. Even if it wasn't tacky and morbid, that will may be changed tomorrow with a new executor and clauses. We are getting set to change ours and will be changing executors and guardian.
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