Need advice on dropping her off at school!!

[Elizabeth]

I'm new to this site, so I hope I can get some advice! I've been having trouble dropping our 6-year-old first-grader off at school in the morning. I don't know if the longer days are getting to her or if she's just being a normal kid, but she's crying every morning. This morning, it was even worse. She was almost physically sick in the parking lot. She says she wants to go home and hates school.

When I pick her up in the afternoon, however, she seems fine. She always has something fun to talk about.

I've asked her if something at school is bothering her or if she has a problem with any of her friends, but she tells me that's all fine. She has said that they do too much work in first grade, but I think she's still just adjusting to the switch from kindergarten.

So, I guess my question is, how can I make that morning drop off go more smoothly? I don't want to stifle her independence by holding her hand and walking her in every morning, but I also don't want her to cry and be miserable.

Any advice from someone who's dealt with and found a resolution to the same issue would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

[kathleen]

My son (6 and in first grade this year) went through this some last year -- but outgrew it after a while, and hasn't shown any signs of it this year, except on mornings when he is exceptionally tired. I think the tiredness has a lot to do with how our mornings go! He and I play silly games in the car, sing silly songs (VeggieTales, mainly), and sometimes I tell him to try to remember three fun things that day to tell me about when I pick him up. And I will tell him three things about my day.

I usually walk him into the school building to look at the breakfast menu for that day. He usually (90% of the time) eats breakfast at home, but has found that since some of the older kids eat at school, he wants to, also. If he wants to eat again, then I hand him the money, tell him to have a good day, then turn around and leave.

Last year he got to the point where he didn't want me to walk him to class -- especially if one of his buddies was getting dropped off right when we were there, too. When I dropped him off, I would roll down my car window and tell him to give me a kiss. He would always so no way, stick his tongue out at me, turn around and wiggle his behind at me, then walk off to class. That may sound VERY RUDE to some others, but it just go to be our silly game.

It became our routine -- and that is what I think helped him. He anticipated what we would do/say and then (maybe?) realized things were OK. I don't really know what to suggest, except maybe your own silly routine, something you do everyday at the school -- your own special sign, something?

[PamE]

Dd went through the same thing in first grade. In fact she actually threw up on a regular basis for the first three weeks of school. :\

The aids in the cafeteria would send her to the school nurse before her teacher even got there and they would call me. After a few days of bringing her home I finally had a talk with her teacher. We decided that the only way to get her through this was to make her do it. So she just had to tough it out until she got over the initial hump. Like your dd she was always excited when she came home, it was just getting there that was hard.

Nothing we did seemed to help, but she eventually did get over it. I agree with Kathleen that maybe set routine might help her overcome her fears, even if they are rather nebulous. I would recommend talking with her teacher and letting the teacher know what's going on so she can help and just be aware. Find out what the morning routine is (they usually vary from day to day, depending on the extras, like library, PE, art, etc.) and discuss it with your dd on the way to school. Maybe that will help as well.

It's so hard to send them into a situation that they are dreading. You'd do anything to make it better but I think this is one of thsoe they have to come to terms with on their own. Hang in there, it WILL get better! :) {{{HUGS}}}

[kat]

Acknowledge her apprenhensiveness of the new situation, but continue to encourage her to keep trying because it does get better. Learn her schedule and keep talking about her day when she gets home. Remind her how each day she enjoyed the experience once she got past "getting there". As a kdg teacher I see this all the time especially right now. Kids adjust much faster if parents just drop them off with a quick, "I love you, have a good day" and then leave. The more a parent hangs around, the more the child's fear is fed that something isn't right, because mom is worried too (she's hanging around to protect me). I can't count the times when parents have told me they'd sneek back only to find their child having the time of his life and not missing mom in the least. Believe the teacher when she says, "they'll be fine when you leave". If the problem persists I always get the parent involved in other ways to ease the transition. In rare instances we've suggested the child waive kdg and stay home for another year to mature. Of course that's not possible for a 1st grader. Keep your chin up, it will get better and your dd won't believe she ever was too scared to go to school.

[MaryL]

Could you car pool with a friend of your dd? Maybe arriving at school with someone would help. I agree with Kat that you should acknowledge her fears...or concerns...but don't dwell on them. She'll think that something really is wrong, or else why is her mom worrying about it so much?? I'm a teacher and I see this happening on occasion. Give her a secret hand signal (read the Kissing Hand book)....maybe buy her a special little locket so that she can touch it when she gets nervous or scared. Etc. She'll get through this...and so will you!:)

[Elizabeth]

I really appreciate all of the advice on helping my dd when dropping her off to school. I ended up talking to her teacher about it just to make her aware of what she was going through. When I picked up dd at school the next day, she said that her teacher told her that every time she missed me, she could come get a hug from her to feel better. The next day, dropping her off was a breeze. She got out of the car, and I gave her five kisses in her hand to save for when she needed them, and she was off! Now it's ME who wants to cry!

Thanks for the help!