What are you telling your kids?

[PamE]

Dd is 10 and briefly saw what was happening at the World Trade Center. I explained what happened but don't know how much detail to go into.

How much and what do you say at a time like this? I'm not asking out of morbid curiosity, I am at a loss to know how far to take it with dd. I re-read this after it posted and it didn't sound right.

[AnnW]

DS was home when the first reports came on and saw live with me the 2nd plane hitting..he knew as much or as little as I did this am. We both thought that we were just watching a report on a plane crash when the 2nd plane hit. He looked at me and said "mom, I think that one was on purpose". They had the tv's on at the middle school and he was really glad to see me when I went and got him because the rumors were really flying. I told both our kids what I know..that someone has orchestrated an attack against the US by hijacking 4 planes and attacking the world trade center and the pentagon. He has been watching the news since we got home
I don't think DD really understands, she was scared at first but now is out playing with all the kids and enjoying her day off.

[Cathy]

High schoolers watched it all day at school. The middle school had a grade level assembly and teachers answered questions in smaller groups. I'm just telling mine that this is overwhelming loss, and we'll need to pray for both victims and leaders. They were horrified.

[kacee]

I am in the middle of this. DD's school apparently had the news on when too. My dd said that she wanted to talk about it. I told her what I know. How do you explain Hi-jack and terrorists to a 7 yr old? I also have an 8 yr old here. She has more questions then DD. Her dad is flying home on Friday. I just explained that the airports will be closed till it is safe to fly. I just to stress that we will be keep safe. And that the bad men will be caught and punished.

As I was changing channels we hit a pbs show my dd begged to watch, so I ended the discussion there. I pray that I will know how to answer further questions.

Some of the children are panicking and really scared. I don't want my dd to get that way.

One of the teachers said that one of the students came up to her and said that we are war.

Another teenager called her mom and told her to buy gas. That we were at war!!

I am upset with how the school handled this. It hasn't been talked about in a manner that will not create panick for these little ones.
I still want my dd to know that the government is secure and that we will be protected. There are many heroes out there right now: Helping those who are hurt. We do have a national defense system to help us during times like these.


Oh how this has affected me also!!

I don't want my Dh to fly out next week as is scheduled. Of course, he would be one of the first ones to get on the plane.

[AnnW]

My ds came out saying we were at war too. I don't think we can criticize the school..how in the world would they know what to do...I mean they plan for hurricanes, tornados, floods..but a terrorist attack on the nations capitol and New Your???????!!!!!
I know I wanted to go get my kids (they weren't officially dismissed) and another of my neighbors was upset that the school was letting parents do that cause she thought that it made the kids more scared (she DID go get her kids!) What if they sat the kids down and said that we were attacked and a parent hadn't been planning on telling their child that. I think the schools are damned if they do and damned if they don't on this one. Heck, I am not sure if anyone really knows what to tell the kids. They didn't say a word at the elementary school, but the middle schoolers were watching it on the news and STILL getting info wrong!!!!

[KarlaB]

Oldest ds saw me crying and wanted to know what was wrong. He is 4 1/2 and I don't want to scare him, so I just told him I was very sad because some people did some horrible things and lots of people died. I didn't want to get into the whole airplane thing or say too much that would scare him. I'm scared, nervous, sad, looking for answers - so I can't imagine what he would think/feel if I told him too much. I don't think he would really compehend much of it at his age, but I do think he would have some fears come up that would pertain to his age - like "Who are the bad guys? Can they get us?" Fear of us flying in the future, etc.

Dh has had his tv on at school today and has let students watch while working.

Good luck to you with older children who understand this more and have lots of questions and fears as a result!!

[TXmom]

I was surprised too that my middle school son had been told about it. He said there were counselors available for the students all day. Elementary ds didn't know until just now. We just told him the minimum without going into detail about people jumping out of windows. My college classes were cancelled, so I went to get my preschooler early - of course he has no clue. We had a bomb threat at our High School today. I didn't know about that or I would have gone to get my kids no matter where they were. Dh's office was closed.

[Ryleigh]

My sensitive little dd came home from school very queit today. I asked her what was wrong ans she said that she heard some of the big kids at school saying that someone was blowing up New York and Washington and that there is going to be a big war. She is worried that dh will have to go fight in the war like her grandpa did. She is also afraid of the attacks moving to Canada.
She asked if we were going to have to hide in the walls like in the Diary of Anne Frank.
I'm glad she is voicing her concerns, but I just don't have the answers. I assured her that we are ok, and that no matter what happens, we will talk to her about it. If she is unsure of what she is hearing from others, just talk to us and we will try to explain what is going on. We had a little cry and snuggle together for a while and both felt a bit better.
ds hasn't noticed a whole lot different just yet, but I'm sure the questions are coming.

[RCT]

call me crazy, but since my dks are only 4 and 6, I really haven't mentioned it to them....the school said that they didn't go into it today, and when the kids came home, they both caught the end of the news, dh had it on when we came in from the bus...dd asked a few questions, I told her that some very bad people had done some very awful things....ds asked one thing, WHY? well I couldn't have been more honest with that one...."I don't know" he shook his head and walked off....I don't think they understand at thier age, but I was so scared they would be afraid of flying again...or make the connection that we could have been on one of those planes......good luck to all of you dealing with older children who understand more of whats been happening today....

[kacee]

AnnW - I am upset with the school for showing the violence and gore, but not counseling or answering their questions. I talked to the librarian and she said that the classrooms had it on and it was being shown, but then the principal put on a silence on all of it (after the fact). My dd was saying that some of the children said a bomb was coming to their school.


I was planning to tell my DD the news. I don't think I could shelter her from something this big. It will be talked about and should be talked about to help the fears that individuals have.

I have gotten these two links off of flylady. I have glanced through them. They seem very informative.


http://www.talkingwithkids.org/television/twk-news.html

Helping Children Understand Crisis and Trauma

http://www.angelfire.com/biz3/news/v1art1.html

[jwmcdaniel]

We're not telling dd (5) anything. They kept it quiet at school and all she noticed was that a couple of kids went home early today.

She came home and it was on TV and she didn't pay a bit of attention to it - until after dinner. She walked thru the den and saw a shot of the smoke billowing down the streets between the buildings and said - cool. I was a little taken aback that she'd think that was cool, but since she didn't know what had caused it, I couldn't fault her.

I can't talk about it, it still makes me cry.

[Lynda/WA]

I called DS (9) and DD (5) in by me to see what had happened before school. I explained to them that these were bad people hurting people. I also told them that people like that try and hurt the most people they can at one time. That means really big cities so we would be safe here.

Then while at the bus stop we talked with another girl in DS's 4th grade class. She was worried about her aunt and uncle that live in washington DC about 15 minutes (according to her!) away from the Pentagon. I told her that I was sure they were fine since no houses were hit. She seemed really shaken up but I think it was from home. Her mom was convinced no kids would go to school today and her sister (6) was crying and stayed home.

At school they handled things really well. DD's teacher simply reassured the kids that they were safe. Appropriate for Kindergarteners. DS's teacher went into a little more detail but again the emphasis was on how they kids are safe here. And she also pointed out that when you hurt someone you also hurt their families and our thoughts need to be with the families as well.

DS and I have talked some more about it since he's gotten home. We've gotten a little bit into the politics and religous aspects. But for a 9 year old he know more then average. We talk politics with even our 5 year old.

Locally the malls closed and many other buildings either closed or went to restricted access. After school activites cancelled. I think the reservists were put on call and leave for emergency personal was cancelled.

[Ryleigh]

ds picked up on a little more of the happenings at school today, and came home thinking he had BIG news to share with us.
"Do you know what guys, Davy told me that some bad guys, flew their airplanes into some big buildings in New York and they fell down on top of lots of people. That was a really dumb thing to do wasn't it?"
We assured him that "yes, it was a dumb thing to do".
He said, that he was also told that lots of people died.
"That's a very sad thing, isn't it? Can we pray for them at bedtime?"
We told him that of course we will pray for them as well as their families at bed time, but he doesn't have to wait until bedtime to pray, he can pray anytime he wants.
He lead us all in a quick little prayer right then and went off to play. dd, tried to pretend it didn't bother her and went to do her homework, and needless to say, I broke down and cried.
dh was pretty teary eyed too, but would be the last to admit it.

We tried to talk to dd some more, and see if we could help her feel better, but she just said, Please don't talk about this right now, it makes me too sad. She knows that we are here if she needs us, so just let her be.

Prayers and hugs to all who are suffering through this ordeal.

[PamE]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We will just be as open as possible with dd. That's going to be hard for me because I want to shelter her as completely as I can. I need a kick in the pants occasionally to remind me that that isn't always best.

[Amy2]

I guess I am in the minority here. I woke up ds, five, and told him that something terrible had happened. That an airplane crashed into a building, and a lot of people were hurt. He sat with us and watched the television, we pointed out what was happening. I was pretty calm about the whole thing, and we talked about it. At one point I cried, and he came up and patted me. I told him that a lot of people are grieving today, that it is a very sad thing that happened. I told his teachers that we had talked a great deal about it, though they weren't going to talk about it unless the kids brought it up. Which of course, ds did. They said something simple, like yes, this is a very sad thing, or whatever, but didn't go into it. I called later in the day to be sure he was okay, and they told me he was fine, completely normal. He didnt grasp the complexity of it all of course, he's only five.

We have always handled tragedy in this way, very up front and honest about things, while not going in too great of depth, letting him take the lead. But not leaving him out of things.

I think that kids are so astute. They can sense our sorrow and our fear, and if we try to hide it from them, I think that is even more frightening to them because their gut is telling them that something is wrong, but their parents are pretending that everything is fine. Everyone around them is talking about this, and they know that when the adults clam up the minute they approach that something is going on. Also, this is reality. Not that we want to innundate them with horrors, but we can tell them that yes, there are dangers out there, but we are lucky because we are surrounded by good people who care for us and keep us safe. Yes, people make really bad choices, so it's important that we keep making good ones to keep harmony in the world. They KNOW, and we need to respect them as we protect them. That said, I think that each parent knows his or her child. If a child is particularly sensitive or fearful, that parent would probably tell their child less than someone who's child is not affected in the same ways. I just think it's important not to underestimate them. JMHO.

Amy

[Melody]

My oldest heard some from the playground yesterday but didn't tell us he knew anything until this morning. He thought it was in Canada and that Wonderland had to shut down. The innocence is amazing, they know it's a big thing if something like that is closed. We explained some of what happened, where it happened and that many, many people died but rescuers were doing everything they could to try and save as many people as possible. He knows that a couple of bad robbers stole the plane. I didn't get into too much detail, my parents are flying in on Sunday and I don't want him to be too worried. My youngest doesn't know much except a plane crashed into a building and the building broke. I am taking their lead and answering questions without providing too much of the horror. I am having a hard time dealing with it all, so I don't expect them to be able to.
My heart goes out to all the kids who lost their parents in this tragedy. It is hard enough to try and grasp when you haven't lost someone you personally know in it, never mind a parent.