violence cross post from Parenting brd

[Lynda/WA]

Here's a new topic posted by Steph and Rick

Hi, we are new at this site. Just wondering what other parents thoughts on kids seeing violence are. We have been pretty strict on letting our son see anything violent, including violent cartoons. He has no toy guns. We just figure that he will see enough violence in his life time without us contributing to it. What are your thoughts, where do you think the line should be drawn, if any.

[Lynda/WA]

We are very liberal in what we allow our two (9 & 5) watch. I saw a show (20/20?) where a study evaluated the research/studies about the effects of tv violence on kids. Basically, they debunked everything. This included the research the was presented before the Senate (or was it the House?). Some of these studies included pbs children's shows in the violent catagory. Another went on the premise that if you gave a child a balloon and they wanted to pop it they were violent. Other examples included comparing two groups of kids (ie those in juvi hall vs kids never in trouble) but they based all of their conclusions on number of hours watched. They didn't take into account any other factors such as parental supervision or even parental existance. They explained where the flaws were in the studies and why they didn't hold up under analysis. They concluded that the evidence didn't show that tv violence caused violent behavior because there was no properly done study reflecting that. It didn't show the reverse either. Basically all the studies have enough flaws to show absolutely nothing. And they did examine every single exisiting study. In fact they listed the exact number of studies in existance. They even pointed out the flaws in the testimony given at the Senate (?) hearings. The show was aired within the last year.

We have used scenes from shows as a springboard to discuss various issues. Gun safety and what can happen for example. Sometimes its as simple as saying that's not how we should act. Othertimes we go indepth and use examples from real life as well. We have always emphasised that you can't trust everything you see on tv. In fact that point was brought home to my DS (9) when we were watching the election. He knows that not only are the shows not necessarily true to life but sometimes even the news isn't. We recently had a pedophile move into the area (received a flier from school. I have used tv to show that *bad guys* don't always wear black and look mean. (BTW that was something pointed out on an Oprah show - ask your child to describe a bad man. I was surprised the first time and we had had many talks)

They are allowed to play with non-realistic guns and have both shot a real gun with us.

My BIL/SIL have always been very restrictive in what they will allow their DD to watch. She (at 6) wasn't allowed to play with Power Ranger toys so that's what she asked her Grandma for as a gift. At that time power rangers were losing their popularity with most kids. She was still fixated on them. I think it was a case of thinking what she couldn't have must be really special. DS (then 4) was a fan but watched with DH. We exlained to him that it isn't ok to go around kicking people. Even kicking at people wasn't allowed. He never once immitated it. Even when she would quiz him about it. (I think she was trying to get him to do something so maybe he couldn't watch like she couldn't)
That same year when the extended family sat down to watch a movie she was sent out of the room. DS (then 4) followed her although we didn't make him. She was the one to sneak back down and hid behind furniture to watch. She was busted when DS came down to ask what she was doing! It was a PG movie but I don't remember which one.
At 8 she was sent out of the room during the kissing scene in Titanic. Within the year she was talking about her boyfriend at school. Appeal of the forbidden fruit again? Possibly. I've mentioned her before in many posts. She's the same way about food. Whatever she is denied that others are getting she wants all the more. So it may just be her personality. Luckily she is a very bright and good kid overall.

While DS was in Kindergarten, I became good friend with one of the other parents. She restricted her children even from some Disney movies. Batman was *too dark*. If it wan't for we two mothers being friend, DS wouldn't have played with her son. He didn't at school. He later told me that this boy always wanted to fight and cause trouble. This boy would turn even a paper feather into a sword. In his case he didn't have any burning desire to watch what he couldn't. But he wasn't being taught what is appropriate behavior with other people either.

I don't think tv will cause violence. What will cause violence is letting children watch tv instead of teaching them what is right and wrong. The real problem is lack of parenting. Tv has become the babysitter inplace of parents teaching. Chances are the more time a child spends in front of the tv, the less they are spending with the parents. the less time they spend with parents/caregivers, the less they are being taught about proper behavior and morals.

[Linda/NE]

I'm somewhat on the middle ground here. We do restrict some of what our kids what, but that's because we have seen first hand how they react to it. Power Rangers was a big problem for our kids. It's not that we weren't supervising. I watched with them, but they eventually acted it out. We restricted the toy guns for a while until a nephew and some school friends had toy guns. When our boys went over there that's all they wanted to play. The nephew pretty much played cowboy with guns, but the school friends played more along the lines of terminator. Anyway, we let them have a gun or two and before long they couldn't find them and rarely played with them. The thrill was gone--they had the 'forbidden fruit' and realized it wasn't so great after all. From time to time they will get them out, but they usually play deer hunting. If they get out of control the guns are either taken away or thrown directly in the trash.

I think what is good/bad for kids is an individual decision the parents have to make. The personality of the child determines what the child can/ cannot handle.

There will always be people who want to censor something. I think one of my textbooks stated something that people who censor are spending too much time deciding what is inappropriate rather than finding that which is appropriate.(This was in reference to censoring books.)

Sometimes our efforts to shelter our kids only makes things worse. I know I've said before that I've heard that a child who is never exposed to a gun and told 'no, it's bad' is more likely to investigate or check out a gun he finds. Kids who have been exposed and taught safety are more likely to have respect for a gun. Again, it depends on the individual child. JMO

[Amy2]

We do not allow guns of any kind in our home. Tristan didn't even know what a gun was until he was almost four, which was great. (Obviously most of his friends are gun-free homes as well.)
As he has gotten older, of course he has been around other kids with guns. He knows what they are. When he goes to a house where they have toy guns, he may or may not play with them. That's up to him. At OUR house, we don't have guns. I would never simply say "they're bad" because that is not information for him to base any understanding on. I tell him that I don't like guns, and why. I tell him what violence is, and how it makes me feel and why I don't like it. He sees that both his parents are non violent, and hopefully that is rubbing off on him.
We also are very strict about what he sees on television or in movies. When he has seen what I would consider questionable material, he too will sometimes want to act it out. Yuk. I hate that! But it makes perfect sense to me why he would. So I figure keeping the kids away from it until they have figured out who they are a little bit more firmly will help them have a clearer understand when they are exposed to it.
I'm probably making no sense because he is now being a race car, and DD is definatly ready for a nap. Anyway...

[kat]

Year before last I had a child in my Kdg. class with a whole host of problems. He had a full time aid with him. He was verbally abusive and physically violent toward me and his aid (most adults), but rarely toward the other children. One day during nap time he was upset with me and told me he was going to have his daddy come to school and shoot me. Well of course I had to report the incident. I was more upset with my principal than with this child. The child lived in a home full of guns, had a long history of abusive behavior, had been to the principal's office as well as to the counselor on numerous occassions; and the pricipal's response was that he did not think that the father would come and shoot me. I told him I didn't think so either, but that my concern was that this child given his background saw shooting me as a valid option.
Parental involvement and being taught what is and is not appropriate behavior, as well as what is real and what is pretend is also needed.
We teachers know when the kids have watched Mon. night football or wrestling, because we see it on Tues. with inappropriate play as a result of kids being allowed to watch this stuff without any supervision on guidance.

[Diane]

My dd's were never too much into cartoons or any violent type shows. As a day care provider though I can also pretty much tell what the children have watched the night before by the way they behave/act at my house the next day. I had a few kids who loved watching Ninja Turtles and other's who watched the Power Rangers. Before I really knew who these characters were I allowed one child to bring a Ninja Turtle movie for their quiet time. Well, I paid for it for the rest of the afternoon because they were ALL Ninja Turtles... Ugh!!!!!

I also don't allow any violent toys brought into my home nor do I own any. I have found that it's almost next to impossible to keep the kids from wanting to play these things. While playing with Lego's I encourage the kids to use their imaginations and "create"... but it seems the only things they are ever interested in creating are "machine guns". Something as simple and innocent as a Barbie doll leg suddenly becomes a sword. LOL Try NOT to let them play these things. I don't encourage it but after a while you get sick and tired of scolding them for doing it all the time. No matter how careful you are... they'll always find something to use for whatever they want their weapon to be. Their just drawn to it. ???

[Amy2]

Diane P~ I am really curious about your last question becaue I have heard forever that kids will make anything into a weapon, but my friend and I were talking yesterday and neither of our sons has ever done that. Ever. They've made things into race cars or trains but never weapons. So why do you think some children do this?

[Diane]

I really wish I knew the answer... LOL I've had very few boys who haven't done this. If their out in the yard playing they find a stick (which I don't allow them to play with) or even a shovel from the sandbox, they'll pretend they're guns. When were playing with building blocks they'll try using the littler ones as BOMBS! LOL I've never had any of the girls I've had in my day care do this. I don't know... ??? :) Maybe somebody else has some answers. :)

[RCT]

this shocked me too, my ds (5 1/2) has never done this until recently, he was playing with some kids at the local park, yes we had one good day of weather last week, and they all started pointing thier fingers into guns, well I asked my ds about this and he said it was just a play game, he knew his finger wasn't a gun and that guns kill....it might be a learned thing or it might just be a male thing....I wish I had that answer too....

[MAS]

I wouldn't know how to feel or what to do about that situation. It really makes me sad that a kid would tell you.. his TEACHER that Daddy would do that. I really wonder what is going on at home!!! My daughter repeats EVERYTHING I say.. did his Daddy tell him that he would shoot him if he didn't behave?! My mind is racing a million miles a minute!! :( When I hear about things such as this I would love to go snatch the kid out of the home and keep him for myself! This is why I would never be a good teacher or social worker. I would get way to involved.

We do have guns in our home. This may not have been the best idea, but we laid them on the floor and explained to my daughter what they would do to her if she played with them. Also informed her that she may run across guns at her friends house and if she ever saw them to STAY AWAY! I don't allow her to play with toy guns for this reason. Will kids really know the difference between a "real" and "toy" gun.. maybe, but I would rather make sure with my little one. The most violent show she watches is the Power Puff Girls. I am not crazy about her watching it, but I have to give her a little freedom to "move around".