Things keep getting worse!

[Linda/NE]

I've had about all I can take at the moment. The only time I'm here, it seems is to complain. I hate dumping on you guys all the time so I think I'm going to take a little break. (If you as tired of my complaining as I am, no need to read my following vent)

Earlier today my boss calls me to let me know some things about tomorrow. The first had to do with how much paint (as in # of paint containers) to let the kids have at the easel. Which by the way, the containers are usually already there with paint in them when I'm at work and about all I do is refill empty ones. Also we have stencils the kids can put over their paper to paint instead of painting the whole thing. She told me I should put one stencil on each side of the easel and not give them any more choices because that means extra stencils to have to wash up at the end of the day! She still has not gotten another aide hired so she and her aide have been taking turns working with me. It sounds as if they've been talking about me lately.

She also said she'd like it if my sitter could watch the kids later, instead of dropping them off after preschool is over. This isn't a big deal really, but she complains how they're trying to get this or that cleaned up and my kids are in the way. Well, everytime they're there I get after them to leave this or that alone and they (the director or aide) says don't worry about. How about saying something to start with?????????

I am just beside myself. A part of me feels like such a big loser. I can't do anything right. I feel like I'm the only one who ever does anything wrong. Another part of me is thinking of quitting. It makes me wonder if I'm a teacher there or just the director's sub. She tells me to do things my way, but then proceeds to tell how I should do this or that. It's like she doesn't want to work all the time herself, she just wants someone to do it for her (just like she does.) I'm NOT her, I personally don't agree with the way she does things. If I had my own preschool I wouldn't do things the way she does. It's not that either of us are wrong--just different styles.

So why am I sitting her in tears feeling like a failure, when I really haven't failed?? Why does it seem like some people can do anything and everything they want and never encounter problems, I just go about my business the best I can and I'm suddenly WRONG??

Moment of truth--it hurts to have someone point out what I didn't do right and I just wish ,for once, I could actually do something right! I HATE myself, I HATE my life!!

Take care of yourselves!!

[Fern]

((((((((Hugs))))))))))
oh, don't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure you are doing the best that you can. It is hard working for someone who thinks their way is the only way. Not sure what advise to give other than, try your best to stick with it this year and start those plans for your own place!!!!!
Hope tomorrow is a better day

[Amy]

DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT YOURSELF!!!!!!! You are a GREAT person!! You are just allowing people who have no power over your self esteem, to have power. They can't hurt/bother you unless you allow them to. When someone says something towards me that is negative, I first look at the person who it is coming from. 99% of the time I don't even care for the person or what they stand for, so why would i take their critism seriously. It sounds as if your director is lazy and two-faced. So with this fact in your face, do you think you should put a lot of stock into her words or actions? Im just trying to make you see that she isn't worth your tears and worry. I've learned that most people aren't worth my tears (even dh when he is a snot LOL). It sounds as if you need a break-leave the kids home with dh, go to the movies, out with friends or just do something for yourself to get yourself back into perspective and a peaceful mind.

Can you afford to quit? Would that solve everything? Im guessing your sadness is more than your job. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[Diane]

Don't be so hard on yourself! You said it yourself... neither of you are doing anything wrong... you both just have different styles and sometimes that in itself can cause a little bit of conflict. I'm sure you're doing a GREAT job and I highly doubt if anyone there thinks your a looser. :(

I guess I don't quite understand why each child should only be allowed to use ONE stencil and only have a certain amount of paint containers available to them? Is it that they don't want to bother with all of the clean up? IMHO it seems to me like you're the only one attempting to give the kids a good time... giving them lots to do (more than one stencil) and experiment with. (lots of paint) Your first priority seems to be that of the children and not about how much YOUR going to have to clean up afterwards. (you're not being lazy)

As for your own children... I can't remember their ages but perhaps when/if they are there you can get them to HELP you with the clean up... washing the stencils and paint containers/brushes that THEY don't seem to want to wash/clean. Maybe you could give them each a washrag to wipe down the chalk board or floors... keeping them busy and out of the way by helping you. Kids LOVE to help... I know that mine do.

Perhaps you need to take some time to sit down with your boss and have a heart to heart. Ask her how she thinks you're doing... and if she has any issues this would be a good time for her to talk with you about them. I'm sure that if she has any at all... they're probably all pretty petty and things that can be easily fixed/worked out.

Just do your absolute best... keep your chin up and don't let them get to you and... and keep up the good job!!! :yippee:

((((((Linda/NE))))))
:yippee: :yippee: :yippee: :yippee:

[Lynda/WA]

I really can't understand the stencil thing. Isn't the whole point of having art supplies out so that children can express themselves? If they are told which single stencil they can use that day it isn't their choice what they are creating but an adults.

For the paint - DS's K class would only put out two colors of paint each day until nearly the last day of school. The reason was because the kids would take the brush from one color and put it on the wrong container. Pretty soon and the colors had been mixed so badly that you only had one (muck brown) anyways. Instead we just put out a little of two colors and dumped the little bit if it had been mixed. If that's her reasoning than I can buy it. As the children learned to but the red brush in the red container etc they got more color options at any given time.

I suspect that she is just doing it to give orders. Some people like to critisize because it makes them feel better about themselves. Bring you down to make herself look better, if only in her own mind. I read once that people who do that lack confidence in themselves. Maybe if you keep reminding yourself that SHE is the one with the problem it will help.

Sometimes when a new employee or boss comes into the picture the boss will act more dictorial then they do later. I think its sort of to prove who is the boss and establish a hierarchy. Like when you get a new child they test your boundries. Maybe this is just a temporary and it may help to remember that this bad patch is just a testing ground. Thing may not always be so bad.

Any chance that she wanted to hire her friend the aide for your job? Was she the one doing the hiring? Or someone over her found that you were the best qualified. And try to keep that in mind. You were hired because you were the most qualified.

Also, I've heard that many people are still stressed out over the terrorist attack. Maybe she is one of those that is having greater difficulty then most. Again, she's the one with the problem not you.

Keep you chin up and try to not let it bother you. There are many reason why she could be acting like this and most of them aren't even your fault. I'm sure you are doing a great job. And vent anytime you like. I've always found that just saying (or typing) what is bother me *out loud* helps.

[AnnW]

Originally posted by Linda/NE
I've had about all I can take at the moment. The only time I'm here, it seems is to complain. I hate dumping on you guys all the time so I think I'm going to take a little break. (If you as tired of my complaining as I am, no need to read my following vent)





FIRST OFF...so you don't come here to vent and let off a little steam..so you yell are your kids cause you are frustrated instead???? SHEESH!!!! THIS IS ONE OF THE THINGS WE ARE HERE FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now...the next time the director says "oh that's ok" when the kids are acting up, very calmly say "I'm sorry, I am confused, I thought you were concerned about them getting into things and that's why you wanted them dropped off later..did I miss understand?? " as you smile sweetly at her with sort of a blank look on your face

You are NOT a loser!!!!!! Do not let this woman or this situation make you think that! You are a capable woman, wife and mother!!!!

[RCT]

Oh honey, I know what your going through, I agree with some others here that this is her power play...sounds like she actually wants you to butt heads with her, and tell her how YOUR going to do it....she needs to but out a little...You are the teacher....If quiting would solve the problem, and your finacially ok with that....then I say Quit, and even though I am the most NON confrontatioal person when it comes to working, lately.....I would speak up about whats happening...whats the worst that could happen...you are already feeling lousy...

Don't beat yourself up about this....someone once told me that when others critizie someone they are actually seeing in others what they dislike or are jealous of in themselfs........maybe she is jealous of your way of doing things....or maybe she is just a control freak....Its not you....

I agree also about down time.....I have been where you are, and for the first time in years...dh took care of the kids for a couple hours, and I went to my room and watched at stupid girl movie...."Month by the Lake"....it was good and took me away from most of my thoughts.....a little escape.....hang tough honey.....your a great person...wonderful mother, and wife.....this is just a job...and it really sounds like its her not you...and if you confront her, maybe she will just let it go....

((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))and don't be a stranger...

[arianna]

MM! Hang in there. Things will get better. ßß!

[KarlaB]

Great advice from everyone!! Please don't take her comments to heart. You are a wonderful person and those kids are lucky to have you for a teacher. Please come to us whenever you need to - we all lean on each other here and never want anyone to feel like they can't vent. There's no such thing as venting too much here. :D Hang in there!! {{{hugs}}}

[Diane]

Just to let you know that I'm thinking about you and hoping that you're having a much better day today. :)

Diane... :wave:

[Amy2]

Keep your chin up, dear. I'm sorry you're having such a baad day. I'm sure things will get better, just hang in there.

Amy

[darlene]

You come vent here any time Linda!
You have gotten some great advice....have to use some of it myself! :lol:

Keep your chin up....I am hoping things get better for you.

(((((Linda)))))


:)

[Cathy]

Philosophical differences can wreck a classroom, to say nothing of what it's doing to your enthusiasm for this position. I also suspect that the director is hearing complaints from others ("How come her kids can come in and mine can't?" "Why do I have to clean up all her mess?", whine, whine, etc.) This may not be her issue with you at all. Women do that sometimes. (Not us of course! LOL)

Look at what you want to do with your students. If the easel is an area for creativity and gross motor development--put away all the stencils, except for once in a while. Use disposable paint cups when you want more than 2 colors (I won't have more than one until probably November for the above-mentioned 'muddy brown' reason.) Get her to be specific about what she wants. If you disagree, make sure you give her the appropriate, child-centered reasons for the way you do things.

First, last, and always, stop beating yourself up. You are a wonderful person. If you screwed up, say so. If you don't understand, ask. But while you admit weaknesses, respect your strengths. You are raising wonderful children of your own. You have the experience and knowledge to make preschool a wonderful experience for your students. You get up and come to work, loving and teaching other people's children, because you know you have something to offer them. Don't quit because you don't think you're good enough. Learn from the criticism, even if it hurts, and even if it's wrong. When you've mastered the challenge of this position, and all the politics, scheduling, balancing work with family, and know that you are the best teacher you can be, then walk out.....to someone who appreciates your gift as much as they should. (Like the parents who will be lucky enough to have you for their child's teacher.) My mother always said "Don't put yourself down--there are plenty of people who are willing to do that for you."

I'll be praying that things settle down for you. Hang in there. There is no 'right way' to teach, so you can't possibly be doing it wrong. I'm sure the final few comments that you made are your frustrations speaking, because I feel like I know you better than that. Take care...... and let us know how it's going.

[MaryL]

Ditto to what everyone else has said!!!!!! Don't let her get to you...!!!!! I get really upset when someone criticizes me, as I think most people do. You're not alone. We're here to support you! Let us know how the next day goes. If you love the job, don't quit unless you absolutely think it's best for you. I would confront this person...in a friendly conference.

[Leigh]

{{{LINDA}}} I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I agree with what everyone else has says. Do not let this lady get to you. You are a great person, and she should not be allowed to make you feel this way. I hope that things get better for you. I know that when things are going poorly, it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but remember it is there, and hopefully you will see it soon.

[Ryleigh]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Ditto on what everyone else has said. Don't let this teacher get to you Linda. I've worked with someone like that, and it's a difficult possition to be in.

How many paint pots did they want you to put out at a time???
Only one stencil??? Not very creative if you ask me.
I see where they are coming from, from the clean up point of view, but you are there for the children, they need to come first.

Don't feel bad about venting to us either. That's why were here. Isn't it better take it out on us than your family...? If we don't like what you say, we don't have to respond, your family you have to live with. Besides we would miss you if you took off for a while, so don't go. Keep posting, venting or whatever you need to do to get through this.
{{{{MORE HUGS}}}}}

Have you considered having your own day-care in your home????
It may be an option you would enjoy.

[Melody]

((HUGS))
Please don't beat yourself up over this woman. Sounds like she just wants to have it out with someone and she chose you for whatever reason.
Ditto to whatever here has already said. I would confront her next time she contradicts herself about your kids being there. I hope that it gets better for you.

[Linda/NE]

I can't thank you all enough for your support. I had no enthusiasm yesterday when I went to school. I really didn't want to be there. Unfortunately I had to work with her in the afternoon.:(

She brought in a self -evaluation form and asked me to fill it out before our staff meeting on Friday. (So my thought is Oh great now they're ganging up on me! ) I only spoke to her when I had to during the day and 'tried' to concentrate on the kids. I let her handle the paint center completely. I adjusted some of the schedule to be sure we got everything in. Once the kids were gone we started cleaning up. She had said that dd could stay since she's in my afternoon class and already there. Dd asked of course to get something out and I told her no. So here comes the director with, "well you can color if you want" Then Dd wanted something else or was doing something and I told her not to --again the director goes "that's okay" ?(

To back up, during the day the director would butt in and practically take over. I finally just stepped back and followed her lead so as to not disrupt the flow of things.

When we were about ready to go home for the day I asked her what I was missing because I thought things were going really well with the exception of one day that I had a major headache.

As for the paint the main reason was the "muddy" paint, but as I told her, I rarely if ever got our new paint, I just used what was already there or filled cups the kids had emptied as they were painting. I had let them use 2 colors because that's what was already there. As for the stencils it was all about clean up. I swear I'm working with neat freaks!!! LOL It's like they can't stand for something to be a mess for any length of time. I'm not a total slob, but my priority is the kids. If the kids need my attention that's more important than wiping up this mess or that (unless the mess could be hazardous to the children).

She said she's going to finalize who will be hired for my aide. I told her I think that will make things much better because then her and I can get in sync with each other and know what the other expects. When the director or other aide works with me, they expect me to do things the way they do them. She tells me though that she's going to train this aide in her classroom before putting her in mine. Hello??? wouldn't it make more sense to train her in my classroom so she becomes adjusted to how I want to do things??

I really feel that her whole motive is control. I feel like I'm working with a bunch of spies. Anything I do different from how the director does it, will be reported to her. It seems she doesn't want a teacher, but a permanent sub for these classes. I had heard rumors that this is why the teacher she had last year didn't return. I guess the director would tell her what she could and couldn't do also.

On the bright side, she did tell me I'm doing a good job. She says she's just trying to give me pointers to help it run smoother. I have decided on some changes I will make.

Dh is supportive if I decide to quit. I'm going to try to ride it out for the sake of the kids. IF it would come to quitting I think I will be writing a letter to the Pastor (with the intention that it is in confidence between him and me) about how she seems to want ultimate control.

Thanks again for letting me dump on all of you. I don't know how much I'll be posting until things settle down some. I've still been feeling bad and knew someone on here would have some words of wisdom to put this into perspective. ((((((EVERYONE)))))))
Thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!

[netmechwife]

She sounds like a person who likes to control and manipulate. I agree with everyone else.

It seems like "advice" from controlling people come across more like commands...

I do think (I am assuming it is a church based daycare) it might be a good idea to talk to the pastor. You may not be and probably aren't the only person who has had problems with her. It is good for him to know what is going on. It is stressful on a pastor sometimes when he finds out after division has happened that there is a problem. I will pray for you and also that the Lord would give you the words to speak to this woman, courage and boldness to speak them, and a quiet spirit when needed. These are things I have needed and prayed for in a situation I am in with a person with similar personality. I am finding when I am bold this person actually backs down. You can be bold and love at the same time.

(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))) for you. My heart breaks for you because I can understand how hard it must be. You sound like you are great with the kids. It sounds like these two are neat niks and want to cut down on workload. But kids are kids. With kids come messes and clean up and work. :) but it is soooo worth it.

[KarlaB]

Hope things continue to look up and that you don't feel like you have to quit. Hang in there and be sure to keep us updated. {{{hugs}}}

[Diane]

I wouldn't be too enthusiastic about going to work either if I wasn't able to enjoy myself or if I had to work with someone who was as controlling as she sounds. You should feel good knowing that you're not the only one who is having or has had problems working with her, so I wouldn't take her bad attitude too personally. I am also confused ?( about what she told you concerning your children. If that were true... why is she telling your dd that it's okay to color and that it's okay to take other things out... Was there something about your other child/ren that was irritating her? She seems okay with your dd. ??? She should make up her mind what she wants/expects and leave it at that. She also sounds she's taking her "neatness" a little bit too far. Clean up should not stand in the way of the children being able to be creative... I don't always care for the messes my kids make while they are being creative but when I look at their smiling little faces and how much fun they're having... there is no way I could stand in there way. Now if they started to get totally out of control... yes I would put my foot down, but that doesn't seem to be the issue in this case. We all know that kids AREN'T very neat... that messes are expected.

Did you question her as to why your aid was going to be trained in HER classroom? That doesn't make any sense to me at all... IMHO if she is going to be working with you in your classroom... she should be trained in your classroom, by YOU... You'll probably end up having to retrain her after she gets into your classroom so she knows how to do things your way.

I'm glad she at least told you that you were doing a good job... She doesn't sound like the type to compliment you unless you deserve it... so you should almost feel honored that she feel's that your doing a good job... but you should have known that anyway. LOL

I hope you are feeling a little bit better about how things are going... and I also hope that you'll be able to stick it out. You may not feel it but you ARE an real asset those children... and I'm sure they would miss you a lot if you left them.

Hurray to your dh for supporting you in whatever you decide to do. IF you do decide to quit I think that writing a letter to the Pastor about the problems you encountered with her would be a good idea. He should know the reasons why you left... and also if this is a pattern with this teacher perhaps he could intervene and try to help her with her problem.

Feel free to come back ANY time and vent! We are always here to support you and give you words of encouragement when you need it. Keep us posted as to how things are going. Good luck!!!

Diane... :wave:

[Amy2]

Linda, it seems to me that if you are on the verge of quitting already, you have nothing to lose by getting down and dirty with this woman. I mean, not being hostile or negative, but saying "I'm feeling really confused and frustrated here because I am getting mixed messages, and I have some issues of my own that are bothering me...." and just laying it on the line. It doesn't make sense for your aide to be trained in her classroom. She's sending mixed messages about your kids. It's your classroom, so if you don't care about the mess, and are willing to clean it up later, why is it bothering her?

It's so awful to work in an environment where you feel uncomfortable or on guard. If you like your job, and it really sounds like you do, I would ask her to find a time for a meeting where you can really hammer out these issues so YOU feel heard.

Amy

[Linda/NE]

:) :) :)

I'm feeling SOOO much better today!! I called my little sis who teaches preschool and she made me feel so much better.

Also I worked with the aide that always works with her today. She let me be in charge. We worked together and guess what???? We had a wonderful calm day! The kids transitioned well and we got all things done, etc. The aide said that having the same two people in the room all the time would make a big difference. I waited until she brought anything up about all this and then she confided a lot of stuff to me. She agrees with me about things. I think she is going to switch days and work with me.

What has the director in such an uproar is what 2 people said. One is the aide that she worked with for years who quit and subs occasionally. She worked with me the other day. She "tattles" to her about anything I do differently then the way the boss does. Also she was the one cleaning up the stencils, paint stuff etc. that day and yes, my kids were there that day. I'm sure all of this is coming from her. It's not like the boss hasn't been in my room prior to this!


Also a high school girl who does a study to work program comes in to help for about an hour or so everyday. She worked there last year for the second semester. She thinks the 3 year olds are such a handful from last year's kids. I told her that they have adjustments to make at the beginning of the year. For some of them this is their first experience in a structured setting and it just takes time to adjust. Anyway I guess this girl told someone uptown that she was leaving town because preschool was so stressful for her! The director is loosing sleep over it, etc.

It makes little if no sense to rely so heavily on the words of people who aren't in the classrooms for any great length of time.

We have a staff meeting tomorrow so I'll see what becomes of that.

Thanks again SOOO much!! You don't know how much your words and advice mean to me. I apolgize again for not getting responses to the other posts while I'm here. I will try to catch up this weekend.

[KarlaB]

:yippee: Soooooo glad things are looking up!!!! :yippee:

[AnnW]

Originally posted by Linda/NE
:) :) :)

I'm feeling SOOO much better today!! I called my little sis who teaches preschool and she made me feel so much better.




What are we???? Chopped liver????!!!! LOL :newwink:

glad things are looking up!!

[Cathy]

AnnW--Apparently some posters here (not me of course) have 'real' people that support them in their daily lives. I'm content to be chopped liver. LOL

Linda, I'm so glad things are sounding more reasonable and understandable for you. (Notice I'm not mentioning that we told you this was not a reflection of how wonderful you are....competent, smart, hardworking, loving, capable, etc.--because I hate people who say 'I told you so'. :newwink: ) Have a great day tomorrow. And I agree about 3yos. They show so much progress from September to December--it's like a new class every week.

[AnnW]

Originally posted by Cathy
AnnW--Apparently some posters here (not me of course) have 'real' people that support them in their daily lives.


You are kidding!!! some people here have REAL people in their lives??????? No way...REAL PEOPLE??? really??? wow!!!!!!!


:newwink:

[netmechwife]

So Glad things are looking up! Glad you have found a good co-worker too! It really helps when you have someone who cooperates. Hope things work out for her to switch days. It sounds like it will bring more unity in the class room.

[Cathy]

AnnW--You'll notice I didn't name names...but that whole Brichard taking care of angier while she's been feeling so yucky, has me suspecting that they are operating in a more than typing and reading dimension. Hope this doesn't offend anyone. I know it seems shocking. LOL

[AnnW]

Originally posted by Cathy
AnnW--You'll notice I didn't name names...but that whole Brichard taking care of angier while she's been feeling so yucky, has me suspecting that they are operating in a more than typing and reading dimension. Hope this doesn't offend anyone. I know it seems shocking. LOL


I don't believe a single word!!!!!!!! LOL The very idea of REAL people helping one another...all made up if you ask me!!!!!!!

ROFL

[Cathy]

Well, all right. Since you are entering into conversation of this implausible notion, I must say that whole fantasy of you and Amy/CO meeting (in PERSON??? please) had me in a philosophical quandry. Exisistential questions about reality and meaning........

Can you tell it's been a long week, and I would be best served by about 15 hours of sleep? I'm taking the day off tomorrow to take dd to the surgeon for a progress check. I'm planning to sleep in really late....maybe even 8:00! Yippee.

[AnnW]

Originally posted by Cathy
Well, all right. Since you are entering into conversation of this implausible notion, I must say that whole fantasy of you and Amy/CO meeting (in PERSON??? please) had me in a philosophical quandry. Exisistential questions about reality and meaning........

Can you tell it's been a long week, and I would be best served by about 15 hours of sleep? I'm taking the day off tomorrow to take dd to the surgeon for a progress check. I'm planning to sleep in really late....maybe even 8:00! Yippee.


ROFL!!! We met...didn't say she offered me support or anything!!!! hope you get your sleep!!!!

[RCT]

I am so glad things are working out a little better for you....I agree that it would be beneficial for everyone to have the two people there all the time.....she sounds compatable to you and that is great.....

Sometimes things look one way and then we hear what is really going on, and maybe this Boss ladie is just paranoid too....LOL.....


Keep your chin up..

[Linda/NE]

Originally posted by AnnW



What are we???? Chopped liver????!!!! LOL :newwink:

glad things are looking up!!

I'm sorry!! I never intended that to mean that you weren't helping. :) You are all very much appreciated!!!

Thank you all SOO much!!!


:snickers: for everyone!!!!!

[AnnW]

Originally posted by Linda/NE


I'm sorry!! I never intended that to mean that you weren't helping. :) You are all very much appreciated!!!

Thank you all SOO much!!!


:snickers: for everyone!!!!!


ah yes...guilt is a wonderful thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL