Introspection

[MK]

I had an epiphany today. I was doing a little introspection on some behaviors that are a little out of character for me: I've been decorating the house, I bought some pot-purri, I've been getting some fabric to make new inexpensive, but festive table cloths, picking up a boquet of flowers at the grocery checkout once a month, thinking about maybe getting my hair "done", even thinking about getting my nails done, I called a new weight loss counselling "clinic". Then after reviewing all these new spontaneous things I've been doing or thinking of doing for myself, I recognized them as ways one would try to cheer one's self up. Then I came to the conclusion that if I am going to all these measures (which mind you, are things I never do)I must be feeling a bit depressed. But what I thought was strange is that I would SUBCONCIOUSLY go to all this effort to cheer myself up even before realizing I was depressed. ??? Then I got to thinking that perhaps this might be some sort of self-preservation mechanism: my basic purpose in life is to care for and nurture others, but in order for me to do that effectively I must first care for and nurture myself. I admit I have been feeling particularly needy lately, and since dh is in no condition to see to those needs for me, I must do it myself. I just found it profoundly interesting that I would do this without conciously thinking about it, without waking up one morning and saying to myself, "I'm depressed, what could I do to cheer myself up?"

What about all of you? Do you take the time and effort to "fill your own cup", to nurture yourself? Or do you get so wrapped up in taking care of everyone else that you let yourself get run down and sick? If you tend to fit into the latter category, maybe you should adopt a little sefishness-- your whole family would benefit, not just you. BTW, I didn't used to do this- I just started it, in fact until just this year I did have a tendency to neglect myself to the point of not being able to function, then my whole family suffered, and it took a LOT of pampering to get caught up to the point where I could take care of everyone else again.

Just something to think about. :)

[kacee]

I have been in that depression mode last year. It was a long battle. Last month, I confessed to dh about my feelings. He never knew. I now am conscience that I have be careful not to go back there. It is easy for me to have negative and insecure thoughts.

Do take time for yourself. I have been getting my hair done for the last 6 months or so. (Just had it done today!) I don't have money for manicures, so I do have all the stuff to paint my nails myself. Since working in the library, I have slacked off on this. My nails are brittle and dry now. Not sure if it is the books or not.

We all have an inner voice that lets us know when things are wrong. I am so glad that you are learning to listen to yours!! Keep it up!!

[AnnW]

Good for you MK!!! I have often been accused of being selfish cause I do take time out for myself, but my thoughts are "how can I take care of this family, if I can't take care of myself". We would never in a million years neglect to get our kids to the doctor, give them new clothes, give them haircuts..but yet we do this to ourselves all the time! It's also why I harp on couples taking "couple time"..if you don't you will wake up when the kids are gone and wonder where your relationship went! You need to nuture yourself and your dh just exactly like you nuture your kids.

[Edited by AnnW on 03-01-2001 at 06:18 PM]

Okay, you got me thinking.

I think I fall into the latter group. I don't really get sick but I do have those little black moods that make me feel like I'm spinning my wheels alot and not moving forward. I'm afraid that I don't really know anymore what I like to do for fun, or remember what I was like in my previous life (before I was single again--I know I can't go as far back as before children- my memory isn't that good.) But things have seemed to turn around for me most times by counting the really great things that I have in my life, and the things that I've accomplished. It also helps me to remind myself that the sacrifices that I make now for my family are for a greater good...

I'll tell you, thinking and writing about this has made me wonder if I couldn't do with a few changes. Hmmm....

[KarlaB]

This was a really good post and sure makes one think. I feel like when I start to feel and look at things negatively that it's usually when I am feeling overwhelmed and haven't had time for just me. I started a gratitude journal and it has really helped me to be thankful for the little things and realize that I don't have it as bad as I am sometimes feeling. We all need time for ourselves and to pamper ourselves like we do for those around us. Sometimes it's just hard to do that when we get so wrapped up in the every day commotion of taking care of a family. This post has made me realize that I need to make a conscious effort to "schedule" time to pamper myself - I really believe the whole family will benefit! And, I agree with Ann about couples needing "couple time" throughout their relationship and not just foregoing that until the kids are grown up and out of the house. Great post today gals!! :)

[Diane]

I know that I definitely don't take enough time for myself. About 3 or 4 years ago I was so busy taking care of everybody else that I didn't even realize that I was depressed until I became so overwhelmed with everything that I almost had a breakdown. I'm the type of a person who has to be busy doing something all the time and I hate just sitting around with nothing to do. If I get sick I'm usually the last one to realize it because I'm usually too busy to notice. I tend to feel guilty and selfish if I take time for myself. After reading this post I think I'm going to try to make more of an effort to pamper myself... but I'm sure my family will think their is definitely something wrong with me when I do. LOL This was really a good post and it did get me to think... I've got to slow down a little bit and quit being so busy with/for everybody else all the time and start doing a little bit more for me. LOL

[Edited by Diane P. on 03-02-2001 at 08:48 AM]

[RCT]

I too feel that way, I am starting to find that I need some Renee Time....sometimes I get it and sometimes I don't, but sometimes I may not need it.....the depression thing is weird, when you realize you might be depressed it's almost like your ready to face it and make some changes.........finding time for myself and doing something for myself sometimes is hard....but worth the effort....
Great post....makes you think doesn't it....

[Leigh]

I agree with all of you. This post definitely makes you think. I also feel guilty if I have to take time for myself. If I want to go somewhere and I think dh will be all alone, I'll ask him about a millon times if he is sure that he doesn't mind, and then I'll feel guilty the whole time that I am gone. It is not that he would forbid me to go or I have to ask permission. It is just that I feel guilty having fun, if I think that he is not going to have any. If he wants to go somewhere, he just says hey me and so and so are going here, and then he goes. Why is it that we feel we have to take care of everyone else?