helping son understand

[kathleen]

My son is in the first grade. He has a teacher who at orientation declared that she was strict but not mean. She really stresses responsibility and reading. My husband and I thought, well, good... she sounds like the kind of teacher he needs.

Well...we have had one phone call and two e-mails from teacher in the last few weeks -- about his talking, not paying attention, doing messy work, stuff like that. He was put on the honor roll for the first grading period, which she said she did even though he had pulled 17 tags (the limit is 9 in a grading period). Other than the fact that he got a certificate, he doesn't really care about that. Some of the things I worry about and some I don't -- even though I don't tell my son that.

How do I stress to my son the importance of his behavior in class and trying to do his best in his work (instead of just flying through his packet in order to have free time to draw or color) but at the same time let him be a little boy and not making it seem like he is in trouble all the time! (My husband says he is a momma's boy!) I feel like the teacher wants us to say or do something -- and the only thing I know to do is keep talking to him about things, let him know I am disappointed in something he did at school that day, try to do better, and so on.

Thanks for any guidance you can give me.

[AnnW]

Talk to the teacher and ask how she is handling it in the classroom first, then ask her how she would like you to help her. What are the classroom consequences to his behaviour? Since he is acting out in class, is something being done right away? Does he need to be moved from where he is currently sitting? This is kind of one of my pet peeves, if they aren't going to handle the situation in the classroom where it is happening, why am I supposed to ground them from something at home! Work with the teacher to maybe set up a reward chart for good behaviour..when he sits through 1/2 a day quietly, he gets a star..neat work, another star..have the stars add up to something cool.
My dd tends to rush through her homework at home to go play, but she knows that I will stop her, make her review it, go over some answers, and basically make her spend even more time on it if she rushes and does a sloppy job the first time! LOL

[Kab]

Kathleen,
Hi, I have taught this age group through Third Grade for many years, now presently starting pre - K. My question is ... What is the teacher doing to redirect your child's attention during the course of the day to get him focused on his work. This is her job, not just to have the child pull a tab. I have worked with children who needed a great deal of redirection, active in class and talkers. She should not have given that award if her standards were not met. This makes me believe she may not be consistent in her own rules with the children. Set up a contract that she as well as your child can meet and reward at home if followed. Find out specifics from the teacher . Are there specific times during the day he is having problems focusing? Is he being challenged to his potential? Does he need some one on one or need to sit alone or by the teacher ,periodically to concentrate? If you can , can you observe without your child seeing you? If you can , can you volunteer in the room so you can observe what's going on? It won't distract your child as much as you might think. I often asked parents to come in and observe , help out while you're there. Discuss with your child if he does what is expected of him you together can do something special. We don't like to bribe our children, but want to stress the positive when something is improved. Do a sticker chart day by day if he completes something neatly. Stress improvement daily in any problem areas. working on all might be overwhelming. Messy work, have him redo it. He'll get real tired of it!
I hope some of these might help, but do talk to his teacher, at school if possible and go check out the room.

[kathleen]

Thanks for the replies and the suggestions. I would love to go observe the class, but yes, was afraid it would be disruptive. I may give that a try to see how he is during different parts of the day. Thanks again.

[Kab]

Kathleen,
Were you able to find out anything or talk to your son's teacher. I hope you can work this out. You want your son to have a positive experience. One teacher can ruin it for a child so I hope all works out:)

[Marla]

Why don't you set up an interview with his teacher so you can talk about the issues that have come up. Then the two of you can work as a team and think of strategies to help your son. Perhaps some kind of reward system (at home or at school) to encourage him to slow down etc.

[kathleen]

to KAB: I haven't had time to get with his teacher yet -- my son took sick with a sinus infection then I got strep throat last week. This is my third bout with it this year -- it just wipes me out. So, I am going to give it a week or so, then get with the teacher. My son mentioned yesterday about his buddy Alex -- and Alex's mom came to school and followed the class everywhere they went. He (my son) thought that was cool. So I don't think that would be disruptive (like I thought before).

I know my son likes the work he does -- last night he brought his reader home and was reading to me from it while I did some paperwork. He said, "Momma, I can read this book well." To test him, I asked if he could read "good" or read "well." Well .... the look I got from him when he said "Read well, Momma." was so sweet.

Thanks much. Kathleen.