My three year old son started wetting the bed.

[tysmommy]

Hi my son is three. He was abused in everyway possible by his father. We left over a year ago and then I found out about everything. My son has been to counseling and will be starting again soon. Recently he started wetting the bed and his pants. I ask him what's wrong and he says he is sad.:( I don't know what to do. Can anyone offer some help?
Debbi.
Thank you.

[Marla]

Debbi,
Poor thing :( . It sounds like the best thing you could have done was to leave the situation.

He probably can't express verbally what he is feeling. I think that counselling is extremely important at this stage. Have you ever heard of play therapy or art therapy? A professional therapist (who either specializes in art or play) would work alongside your son in a counselling situation. The only difference, is that they would help your son through this trauma with the help of art (ic colouring what he is feeling) or toys (acting out what makes him sad).

I actually took a course on play therapy and it seems to be very beneficial to children.

Let me know if you want to talk about anything....I am a great listener.

:)

[tysmommy]

We did go to play therapy but the lady there said that he wasn't verbal enough. Even though at age three he can put together logical 7-9 word sentences. I have him on a waiting list for a new person for him to see. Just waiting.
Thank you
Debbi:frosty:

[MaryL]

Oh gosh, Debbi! Such a sad story for you and your little boy.:( I don't know if this will help you, but my ds did the same thing at about 3 years....our pediatrician said that this happens to some kids and not to be worried about it. We simply got him up to go to the bathroom when we went to bed at night (11:00ish). After doing this, he was able to make it through the night. He didn't really wake up while going potty, either. Seriously, we had to do this for almost a year! Ugh! But it made our ds feel good about being able to stay dry all night. That was important to us. Your situation is completely different than mine...but I thought maybe it'd be reassuring to know that it's not totally uncommon.

As for your son's sadness...I'd talk, talk, talk with him! Cuddle, and give him the attention and love that he is longing for...which I'm sure you're doing. He's probably just now really learned how to verbalize his emotions to you...in a less toddler type way. Does he have bad dreams? Is he generally a smiley person? Does he have friends near your new home?

I really feel for you both. Let us know how things are going.

(BTW...I have a "Ty" too! He's be 8 this month.)

[tysmommy]

Well, Tyler says he either misses his brother who lives out of the home or he misses one of his friends. He is very verbal and we have had many talks about his abuse. His "dad" really did a number on the poor kid. But you know what? The other day he looked at me and said "I am having a wonderful life". So maybe he's going to be okay. I love my little guy so much and I hate to think of him hurting.
Debbi:)

[Marla]

Debbi...it sounds like you are doing the best you can by just loving him tons.

I would definatley keep up with the counselling if you can.

Does he have any contact with his brother? His old friends? Maybe he can e-mail them or draw them a picture. Maybe that would help with his sadness.

Keep me posted.

[tysmommy]

We don't have enough contact with his brother. We do email him reguarly though. I just had to call cps on my older son's father because when he came to visit he told me some distrubing things. So now I have to deal with that too. Does anyone else feel like they have ten pound bricks on their shoulders or is it just me?
Well that's all for now,
Debbi:\

[Marla]

Debbi...I hope this {{{{hug}}}} helps you out a little bit :) .

What are the family dynamics? You said that Tyler has a brother...who does he live with? Does the brother live with Tyler's dad who abused him? Could you bring the brother to live with you? Are there other children involved?



I'd love to offer you any support that I can...

feel free to e-mail me at
just4jaz@hotmail.com any time you want.

[tysmommy]

Tyler's brother lives with his own dad. Not Tyler's dad. But we are working on changing that. It is just taking awhile. He told me some things when he was last here that bothered me about his home life. Thanks for caring
Debbi

[Marla]

Debbi,
Coincidentally enough, at work today I bumped into an art therapist. I asked what age it is beneficial to start working with a child. She said that 3 was a little bit young, but she would encourage the child to express his feelings with paint/paper or colouring. Have him draw a picture, and then you can ask what he is drawing about. Now tell him to draw a happy picture and ask what is in it.

Clay is a great idea also, he can "create" whatever he wants while working out his frusterations.

[Sasha Rowan]

I just read an article that said children regress during a move. Bed wetting is the most common among boys up til age 5. Give him time to get used to the new living arrangements. Even without the move my ds has only been dry at night for about 3 months. He'll be 6 in Feb. Just don't make a big deal over it and he should stop soon.

HTH