Spitting & Hitting

[Cre]

Hi! I am new at this and I need your help on how to solve this problem I am having.

My daughter goes to a christian school where she is in the 2year old program. She has had several problems with hitting the other kids and spitting at them. Of course I don't have the problem at home of her hitting me nor spitting because she is the only child. I tell her that she should not hit other kids because she may hurt them and that she should use her hands for coloring, writing, hugging but, not by hitting others.

Please help!

[Karen]

I can only sympathize at this point. About 2 months ago, my daughter started pushing, slapping other children (and me). I have tried everything with her (21 mo old) and nothing is working. So, I'd appreciate everyone else's ideas, also!

[KarlaB]

My ds (22 months)has also started slapping - usually I am the recipient, but sometimes it is his brother, too. If he does it at home, I will tell him "no hitting" and if it continues I simply sit him on the floor and walk away. There he can kick and scream if he wants to get out his frustration, but usually this stops his "fit" instantly because he isn't getting a reaction from me. He has also done this in public when he gets very mad. (i.e. I won't let him get down and run free.) He'll scream, slap, and even try to scratch sometimes. :( This doesn't happen often and I tend to notice it more when he is tired, but it sure is difficult to deal with - especially in public. I just wanted to let you guys know that you are not alone and maybe someone here has some answers for us. :) Oldest ds never did this, so this is all new to me.

[Linda/NE]

I think this is a normal behavior pattern for kids. First, I'm curious as to how advanced your child's speech or language are. When worked with 2 yr. olds in daycare a big reason children hit, is because they didn't have the language capabilities to deal with it otherwise. In their mind they knew what they wanted but didn't know how to express it, except by hitting.
With my older kids, when they start hitting, screaming,etc. I tell them "use words." Once they learn the words they can better handle the situation. I'm no expert, and I'm sure some of the other daycare people and teachers will have excellent ideas.

My advice would be to take the child aside when he/she hits and talk to them about the hitting. Pointing out to your child how the hitting hurt another child, can help your child understand the results of her action. Not that I want you to put your child in this situation, but if your child ever got hit, you could use that as a learning tool also. By talking with the child and sympathizing on how she feels about being hit, she may better understand exactly what she has done to others

I hope this is of some help!! Good luck!!:)

[Leigh]

I also work with two year olds, and we pretty much do the same thing that they do where Linda worked. We tell them that it is not nice. We tell them that hitting hurts. We show them the crying child, and say look you hurt your friend. We tell them that we only use gentle hands with our friends. We tell them to use their words when they are mad, and we also tell the children that they hurt to use their words and tell the person that hit them that they didn't like it. We tell them to say do not hit me again or that hurts. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. We also praise them when we catch them doing the appropriate behavior. Linda is right about the reason that they hit. It may be because they can not express what they are feeling, but it also may be to get attention. Since your child is an only child this is probably the case. I have noticed in a lot of instances that teachers give lots of attention to a child when they are doing something wrong, but when they are playing quietly or cause no problems they tend to get ignored more. I know that is sad, but this is what I have observed, so maybe you could talk to her teacher or do a surprise visit and observe for yourself what goes on in the room. I hope this helps. I know that it is a lot of rambling, but one thing I have found out working in the two year old room is that it seems to be a dificult age. Let us know how it goes.

[Cre]

Hi everybody sorry that I've been out of the loop for a while but I got a teaching position for Kindergarten and I have been very busy. Well, what happen with my child was that the teacher resigned from the position because she could not tolerate my child. She was never qualified for the position in the first place but since she was the aide in the class they could not find anyone to replace the teacher they offered the position to her. My daughter hasn't had a problem since about spitting and hitting another child. I think the teacher was picking on her so she acted it out on the other kids. She had told me several times that her teacher call her a bad girl and I just brushed it off but, next time I will listen to her. The teacher she has known has doing a great job with her.