How do your kids address adults?

[bizymum]

I was just posting on another board that I belong to and this question had come up.

" how do your kids address adults"
This seemed to be quite a discussion.

For me Personally I like to be called by my first name.
My friends are also called be their first names by my children, and that is how they want it.

I dont want to be called Miss or Mrs..lastname or first name, i am just not comfortable with that.
I remember when I was growing up always calling my parents friends by their first names too. Same with Aunts and Uncles

This is just my opinion though.

[Diane]

My kids always called an adult Mr./Miss/Mrs... unless they were told otherwise. As for myself... I prefer to be called by my first name, which is what my day care kids call me. If anyone ever calls me "Mrs." it always makes me feel so old... and I don't want to feel old so... first name only for me... LOL

Diane... :wave:

[AnnW]

I think it is a matter of respect. My kids call other adults Mr or Mrs (except for aunts and uncles), and I am addressed that way by their friends. We don't teach our children to call their teachers by their first names, so why are some adults exempt and others not? Are my friends less deserving of respect? Am I?

[angie r]

Originally posted by AnnW
I think it is a matter of respect. My kids call other adults Mr or Mrs (except for aunts and uncles), and I am addressed that way by their friends. We don't teach our children to call their teachers by their first names, so why are some adults exempt and others not? Are my friends less deserving of respect? Am I?

You southerner!! LOL

My dks also address adults as Mr/Mrs. When I babysit they call me by my first name though. I think it is easier for my kids to use one last name and just put the mr. or mrs. in front of it.

[RCT]

Mr. and Mrs. for us too...Aunt and Uncle in front of the name for Aunts and Uncles......the only exception is for thier cousins who are adults, they can call them by thier first names....that's funny....but they are cousins....:lol:

[lindaM]

It's Mr. & Mrs. here also except with my one friend that they have know since they were babies and they call her by her first name. Everyone else it's Mr. & Mrs. it's easier for them to get that they have to show respect to the adult that way.

[Mickey]

Mr. and Mrs. here, too. If an adult asks to be called by their first name, I'll allow it. I prefer that the neighborhood children and ds' friends call me "Mrs. ___", but they rarely do and I don't make an issue of it. I agree with Ann--it's just respectful.

Aunt and Uncle for dh's and my siblings and the same for my cousins, too--I always called my mother's cousins "Aunt" and "Uncle" and I like that.

[KarlaB]

Looks like we are in the minority, but it really just depends...

We use first names with people we are close to. I have no problem with friend's dks calling me by my first name.

I think it tends to be based on how they are introduced to people, too...

If someone says, "Hi, I am Jane" then they will call her Jane.

If she would say "Hi, I am Miss Jane" or "Mrs. Doe" then they would call her whatever she called herself. If I am doing the intorductions it is based on how well we know the person. Some of dh's co-workers/friends are referred to as "Coach Bob" or "Coach Miller", etc.

[Amy]

I prefer Mr./Mrs. I make my kids address everyone that way too. Its another story to get other kids to call me this, when their parents don't specifically teach this.

[Cathy]

I expect my kids to use Mr./Mrs. and expect to hear it from their friends. But I also use it, until and unless I'm invited to use a first name. I'd rather err on the side of respect. My neighbors are still Mr. and Mrs. to me, and I've known them forever.
I have too many siblings for my dds to be calling anyone else Aunt/Uncle. There have been a very few people who insist that my dds call them by their first name, and I have allowed exceptions. But like Karla, I try to modify it with 'Coach K' or 'Miss T'.

[MaryL]

It all depends. Some of ds' friends call me Mrs. ...., and others call me Mary. At school, obviously, I'm Mrs. ....., so most of their friends from school call me that! The neighborhood children seem to be less formal, which doesn't bother me. I always introduce my children to other adults using formal titles, "Ds, this is Mr and Mrs. Smith." etc. If the adult asks them to use a less formal name, I will allow it. We use "aunt" and "uncle" with all of the appropriate people. As long as my children are polite around other people, then I am happy!

[Linda/NE]

My kids call their teachers Mrs. So and so. We will say Aunt/Uncle whoever when referring to them but we don't necessarily expect the kids to address them that way ;and the aunts and uncles don't expect to be addressed that way either. Part of us referring to them that way is so the kids remember that they are aunts/uncles.

As for neighbors, the kids usually use their first name. Other kids call me by my first name and it doesn't really bother me. At school I'm called Linda.

I guess I don't see it really as disrespect. I think that kids can understand to be respectful despite the title they are expected to use for a person.

I think a lot depends on what part of the country and what part of society you live in too. In some places it's acceptable for children to call parents by their first name. (My kids don't). Some kids call their parents mom and dad, some say mother and father.

[KarlaB]

I've been thinking about this and want to add to my original answer. :)

I think for me the way my dks address adults isn't a big issue right now and they call most adults by their first names because they are mainly around people we know very well. As they become older and go for sleep overs, birthday parties, etc, I do see them calling their friend's parents Mr/Mrs - especially those they don't really know like the people we tend to "hang out" with now. :) Dks call all of their teachers "Miss firstname" at this point -whether we are in the school setting or at home. I think it all depends on the situation and how well we know the adults. :)

Am I making any sense? LOL!

[Diane]

LOL... I thought of this thread last night while I was at my dd's high school basketball game. As I was walking past some bleachers one of my dd's friends started yelling out to me... but she calling out to "Mrs. Pierro". I'm really not use to being called by that, and for some reason it didn't register that it was ME they were calling out to until my dh brought it to my attention. :) I felt kind of stupid... like I didn't even know my own name. LOL

I've never felt disrespected because everyone calls me by my first name... because that's how I've introduced myself to them. Had introduced myself as Mrs Pierro, I'm sure that more than likely thats what they would call me, so I guess it really depends upon how you're introduced.

Diane... :wave:

[bf'ing momma]

well for me i prefer being called by my first name - by everyone but my kids...although they call me trish sometimes too! lol my little brothers who are 5/3 call me mom too but then they call their mom 'honey'. :)

I don't think that mr/mrs/miss is a sign of respect - if you feel more respected to be called that then so be it. I don't however. I feel that tone shows respect and actions but if you 'train' your children to call someone a certain name it doesn't mean they respect them more it just means they are using that title. I call my Dr, 'Dr' I have NO respect for him but I don't know his first name! ;)

I don't really introduce my kids to people - they just usually call them whatever I do and noone has corrected them yet. I have a friend who likes to be called Mrs lastname so I call her that too - my kids don't get confused as it is just what i call her. She has NEVER offered to call me mrs lastname and her kids call me by my firstname. she is 1 whole year older than me, guess it is an elder thing? ;)

annw you asked if you and your friends did not deserve the respect of being called mrs? what about your kids? how do you show them respect? in school if a teacher required that we call them mr/mrs lastname they also called us miss/mr lastname. ALWAYS. otherwise we called them by their first names. young and old.

growing up we called our parents friends by their first names. but it didn't stop me from offering people the courtesy of mr/mrs/ms when I started working. I guess i learned it somehow even if it wasn't expected of me....

i think there is a place for that type of courtesy like work or even school - it puts a barrier up that may not be there on a first name basis. I don't want a barrier with my friends kids or anyone else.

I didn't even take my dh's name so what are people supposed to call me other than my first name? technically I am not a mrs/ms or miss! lol

[kacee]

I can see this could be a touchy subject for some. I personally with dd talk about respect to our elders, in mannerisms, actions, and words.

Currently, I introduce the adult as Mr. Mrs, Ms. etc. Then let the adult say ... you can call me soosooo!! All the children at her school call me Mrs. sooossooso. The ones I babysit call me by my first name after I said you can call me..

At Church, we address everyone as Bro. or Sis. no problem there.

It is the actions and mannerisms that concern me more that just the title, but now they all go together don't they!!???!!

[AnnW]

I think respect and good manners go hand in hand. By having good manners at the dinner table or restaraunt, you are showing respect to the people you are eating with. By having good manners when you meet someone, looking them in the eye, putting your hand out to be shaken (yes, we teach our kids that), that is showing respect. I don't think that just because someone is older means they know everything or are always right, but they do know more than a child. I may not like a person (ie doctor) but I will respect that position and all that it took to obtain it.
If one of my kids were to roll their eyes or use a tacky tone of voice while speaking to another adult or myself, that is both disrespectful and bad manners..even if they were to address them as Mr/Mrs...and that would be dealt with.

As far as this putting up barriers, I don't see how having good manners and showing respect could do that but, I am not trying to be friends with my children or their friends. I am their parent. That doesn't mean I am a nazi (more of a benevolent dictator! :newwink: ). We have great fun together, do all sorts of neat things, have very open lines of communication and they enjoy our company (for the most part..you're never sure with the preteen! LOL), but I am not their friend. I don't have any desire to be their friend. I don't want to be the "cool" mom..the koolaid mom, yes. My kids friends like being over here..we have taken great pains to make it fun to hang out here, but it isn't cause we are all friends.

How do I show my kids respect? My speaking to them kindly, listening to them, reacting to their needs...showing good manners towards them.

[MaryL]

BRAVO Ann! I couldn't agree with you more!

[JAK]

My dks call our friends by their first names and their friends call us by our first names. If they wanted my dks to call them mr/mrs, then we would do that but we are vary casual with our friends.

Now my dks friends from school all call me Mrs. soandso, but I think it's just because that's how the teachers address us. Which is fine and I really don't mind that, but I don't see these children outside of the school setting either.

[Mickey]

Excellently put, Ann! ITA!

[bf'ing momma]

]I think respect and good manners go hand in hand. By having good manners at the dinner table or restaraunt, you are showing respect to the people you are eating with. By having good manners when you meet someone, looking them in the eye, putting your hand out to be shaken (yes, we teach our kids that), that is showing respect. I don't think that just because someone is older means they know everything or are always right, but they do know more than a child. I may not like a person (ie doctor) but I will respect that position and all that it took to obtain it.
If one of my kids were to roll their eyes or use a tacky tone of voice while speaking to another adult or myself, that is both disrespectful and bad manners..even if they were to address them as Mr/Mrs...and that would be dealt with.

that is a great statement annw!! i expect my children to show respect at all times and they do - at least as much as they can at 5.5yrs and not quite 3. i imagine if i lived somewhere that used titles as the norm i would raise my kids that way...it just isn't like that here. my boys are polite, well mannered pleasant little people that are a pleasure (for the most part ;)) to be around! i am very proud of who they are becoming.

when i said barrier i did not mean it in a bad way...but it does put distance in the relationship. as you stated you don't want to be friends with your kids. i guess i do but that was how my mom and dad raised us - they were the cool parents.

[littlesista06]

Dd addresses adults as Mr. and Mrs.

I believe adding the title puts the adult in the right place for children - not on their level. We are not their equals and therefore should not be addressed like they address their equals.
(i.e. using first names)

But hey! To each his own! I'm certainly not in a place to say my way is the right way - it's just my way. :)

[Diane]

Originally posted by AnnW
I think respect and good manners go hand in hand. By having good manners at the dinner table or restaraunt, you are showing respect to the people you are eating with. By having good manners when you meet someone, looking them in the eye, putting your hand out to be shaken (yes, we teach our kids that), that is showing respect. I don't think that just because someone is older means they know everything or are always right, but they do know more than a child. I may not like a person (ie doctor) but I will respect that position and all that it took to obtain it.
If one of my kids were to roll their eyes or use a tacky tone of voice while speaking to another adult or myself, that is both disrespectful and bad manners..even if they were to address them as Mr/Mrs...and that would be dealt with.

As far as this putting up barriers, I don't see how having good manners and showing respect could do that but, I am not trying to be friends with my children or their friends. I am their parent. That doesn't mean I am a nazi (more of a benevolent dictator! :newwink: ). We have great fun together, do all sorts of neat things, have very open lines of communication and they enjoy our company (for the most part..you're never sure with the preteen! LOL), but I am not their friend. I don't have any desire to be their friend. I don't want to be the "cool" mom..the koolaid mom, yes. My kids friends like being over here..we have taken great pains to make it fun to hang out here, but it isn't cause we are all friends.

How do I show my kids respect? My speaking to them kindly, listening to them, reacting to their needs...showing good manners towards them.

How did you get to be so smart??? LOL That was VERY well said, Ann. I couldn't have said it better or agreed with you more. :)

Diane... :wave: