How do/did you know to move?

[RCT]

some how the discussion about moving back to California keeps coming up....the problem for us is....and I will try to be brief about it.... we wanted to set down, plant roots and stop living out of boxes like Gypsies, so we bought a house were we could set down those roots and be near his family....and the business he works for could thrive and we could both work for them from the house and eventually charge them rent for the office space....

and as some of you know that hasn't happened...DH hardly has any schools lined up and business sucks here...I am not able to work for the company and we can't even think of charging them rent for our space....we need all new windows...its cold in the winter and we can't let the kids out of the house in the summer until we soak them with deets....but all in all we love it here...ha ha ha:lol: we love this old house...we just need to be out of debt and fix it up....


Moving to California would have its own problems....I would more than likely have to get a full time job and stop being an at home mom....DH would have to work alot more hours...but we would have job security....we wouldn't own our own home....probably have to live with my father until we could sell this place, which would be eeewwh.......its really expensive there...both kids would have to go to after school sitters ...we would still be in debt...we would never probably own a house again....but they have great weather...and its where I grew up....I know it.....

How did you know if you should move out of state...stick it out here....dh and I find different jobs here....what to do....I don't know if I am venting here or asking for advice.....doesn't help that I love dh's family but miss my own in California....

[AnnW]

Why does it have to be either one? Isn't there any other option? Are there no other companies, photographers in CYN that dh could work for? Maybe he doesn't work at home and has a commute, but you could still stay in the house that you love (you do love it right?) If not, aren't their other cities somewhere in the middle that would have opportunities and a lower cost of living?

[arianna]

MM! Renee I don't have any advice to offer. I understand your situation, about being in a "foreign" place. Hang in there. ßß!

[RCT]

Ann and Ari...thanks for letting me vent....I think its a case of the grass being greener over there....for us....DH really loves his job and the company....We both really love this house....I miss California....and I know in my heart we should and probably will stay here....And yes Ann, dh could work for another company....even though that thought scares the living daylights out of him....we talked alot last night and this morning...and have a live in the now plan...pay off our debt...fix what we can around the house...and just hang in there....hey business could pick up right? keep those fingers crossed....:tinysmile

[Linda/NE]

Renee,
Job security is one of the most scariest things to deal with. We've been there just recently and I understand where you're coming from. It sounds like you've found a workable solution for now. Best of luck to you!! :)

[Amy]

Why is it so scary for dh to consider a different company? In times like the ones you are describing, you have to be flexible and change with the wind. My dh knows what he wants to do when he gets out of the Army, but that may not be available to him when he wants it. He and I are both willing to do what it takes and work wherever to pay our bills and take care of our family. I don't think you need to move to rid you of your problems, just your singular mindset of how you WANT things to happen. Many paths lead to the same end result. Please don't think Im trying to put you or your dh down, but if this path is not working for you both, it may be time to switch paths!

[Karen]

Renee,

I completely feel for you. Moving to ND from CA was a big move for us, but we were definitely ready for it. Not that I don't really miss my friends and my family in CA. People in CA ask me if I really like it here...and, no there is not much to do (in comparison to a big city), the winters are extreme (usually), and it's flat (no mountains), but I think you have to look at the "package". You can't pick the pieces of each location that make it ideal. So, I guess I'm willing to take the downsides of this place, because exactly as you spelled out, if we were in CA, we'd both work, have a 3 hr round trip commute, maybe be able to afford a tiny townhouse, dd would be in daycare 10 hours a day. Now that I've had a taste of being home with her, being able to go places without having to consider the awful traffic, being able to afford a home (although we will also be stretched to do this), I wouldn't trade it for all the CA sunshine in the world.

I'm sorry your dh's job isn't taking off better. I know what a stress that can be. We're not sure of my dh's job's long term prospects, so it's been hard to make the decision to put down roots here, i.e., buy a house, but we're going to take a leap of faith because we really want this to work out.

Hope you hang in there and things look up!

[Mickey]

Renee, I feel for you. I wanted so badly to move back to where I'm from--to where my family still lives. Well, I got that wish 5 years ago and I realized how distorted my fantasy of it all was once I got there. It wasn't greener there. Actually, it was pretty brown. LOL!

I'm not saying you're doing this, but I used to always think, "If I could just_____, then I'd be truly happy!" Fill in the blank with anything--lose 50 pounds, move near my family, get a great job, go to college, find a great guy, have children, buy a house, etc. But nothing that went in that blank made me feel like I reached Nirvana. ;) LOL! Richard Carlson wrote the following and I love it:

"Sadly, many of us continually postpone our happiness—indefinitely. It's not that we consciously set out to do so, but that we keep convincing ourselves, "Someday I'll be happy." We tell ourselves we'll be happy when our bills are paid, when we get out of school, get our first job, a promotion. We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough—we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire. And on and on and on!

Meanwhile, life keeps moving forward. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D'Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin—real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." This perspective has helped me to see that there is no WAY to happiness. Happiness IS the way."

[AnnW]

I have been thinking about this. It sounds like you are torn between quality of life and your dh's job. If I am understanding right, if you stay there you have great quality of life but not so great job. If you go to California his job situation improves but you have no quality of life.
OK..first are you POSITIVE his job would be better in CA?
Second, it sounds like you need to decide which is more important.
If quality of life is, then tell dh to beat the bushes for accounts..there are tons of schools in the area..he may have to travel more or tell him to look for another job. I can't believe that there are no other photography companies around, it may not be in his exact field or dream job but sometimes you make compromises.
If his job is the most important, then you move, it's back to that compromise thing again.
It sounds like the fantasy of having it all isn't working out in THIS situation, BUT it doesn't mean that it won't work out at all. Sometimes you have to think out of the box a little.
Good luck.

[RCT]

well, you guys hit the mark on us before we did....The Fantasy vs reality....we have been talking about nothing else all day....I think because we moved from CA temporaily...then it became oh I had a great job and he was doing great in NJ...we stayed...had a couple of kids....then well...WE MADE the move to upstate NY....and the Company he works for followed us....Your right Ann....he needs to think beyond the box....he is moving forward to pick up clients....and determined to make a go of it here....where we have the greatest house, and land....small town USA....simple living....its not that I don't ever think we could make it in CA, its just we left not thinking it was permanant...and well it really has come down to I LIVE IN CNY...and I needed to say it....I will probably always miss California....that was were I was born and raised, but I own this house....and I have 25 a. of land here....where else could I say that?

Amy...I totally get what your saying....we both are able bodied and are willing to work.....I can work at the Elementary School, the job is there waiting for me....as for dh....he has been with this company for 15 years....3rd in line to the thrown as they say...has lots of loyalty to them....so moving to CA would be a great career move...but....and there always is a but....He can do anything he wants to here too...and that is what he was so scared about......

summing things up...we are staying put....he can and will do everything in his power to make this work...and if the Company can't survive here...then DH and myself can get jobs to make it here.....thanks again...I was just doing the what ifs...and you know how that can go....LOL..thanks again all...