View Full Version : Does she have it made?
I know someone who has 4 children under the age of 6 years old. She has a set of 3 1/2 year old twins .
She has a live-in nanny and her dh is a Doctor. She sleeps as late as she wants to and the nanny gets up with the kids, feeds them, gets them ready for school etc. When the kids got sick, I asked a question about them and she had to ask the nanny for the answer. I know she loves her kids, but she does things around HER agenda a lot of the times.
So does she have it made or isn't she suffering the consequences of motherhood enough? LOL
She needs to suffer a little more! LOL
Actually, it's kind of sad, don't you think.
I personally think she has to suffer a lot more! LOL
Im either envious or mad when she is alone in her car around town while the kids are at home and here I am bundling up two children just to go to the library to drop off some books!
Her one twin is severly developmentally/speech/language delayed and she is very involved with the school district board because of him. She goes to all kinds of meeting all over Colorado and wants me to go along. Hello??? I have a ds and dd, rarely a dh and no babysitter. Are you kidding me? LOL
I would probably be a little of both! LOL
But, maybe emotionally she needs that kind of break/space because of the child's illness. I have a friend who's dd has downs. She is always doing stuff at night (bunko, bible studies, girls nite out) cause she needs a break from the demands of her dd, AND the dd is 13 and in school full time as are her other 2 kids so she does have free time during the day too.
KarlaB
03-04-2002, 09:14 AM
I'd be envious some days, too....but as wearing as parenting gets I would not give up the time with my kids to have what she has. She is missing out and probably really doesn't know what being a parent is all about ~ sad for her and her dks. I do feel for her since she has a child with delays, but do you think she'd be any different if that child was progressing like the others?
I htink it's very sad that she's not more involved with more of the day to day activities that involve her children. I commend her on being so involved in the school board, but come on- it's pretty sad that she had to ask the nanny about her own sick kid!
Wow in a month or two I will be in her boat... Well as long as I don't quit my job as Nanny and Dad LOL.
Diane
03-04-2002, 02:09 PM
She's missing out on SO much.... as are her children. When her kids get older and start asking her questions about their childhood... Just how much will she know/remember about them, seeing the nanny was there more for them than she was. You've gotta wonder who was the first to witness her child's first smile or first few steps... who found the first tooth? Who was the first one the child called "Mommy"???? ?( I've known a lot of mom's/parents who have developmentally delayed children, but THEY are the ones working with and doing for the child... not a nanny or anybody else. Any/all parents needs time away from their kids... delayed or not, but I can't imagine why a parent who already has so much free time on her hands all day long (while their children are in school) would still feel the need to have a nanny. I can't help but feel that some day the only memories her children will have will be that of the nanny and all the fun they had with her... and none/or not too much of mom/dad. Sorry for sounding/being so judgemental but I just hate it when I hear about people who don't seem to care enough about their own children to want to spend more time with them. They grow up fast enough! :) IMHO she really DOES need to suffer... a WHOLE LOT more. :) Maybe then she'll know/feel what real parenting is all about.
Diane... :wave:
Forget the nanny... I'd rather have a live-in housekeeper like Hazel or Alice. Let them do the drudge work like cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. so I can have fun with my kids!
Having a doctor that makes house calls would be nice too. ;)
I have to agree with PamE!!!
Diane
03-04-2002, 02:34 PM
Originally posted by PamE
Forget the nanny... I'd rather have a live-in housekeeper like Hazel or Alice. Let them do the drudge work like cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. so I can have fun with my kids!
Having a doctor that makes house calls would be nice too. ;)
LOL... I could definitely live with that too. :biglaugh:
Diane... :bounce: :roll: :bounce:
The really sad part is that they have a new nanny EVERY year!! Its part of a foreign student exchange. They have to take 6 credits at a college and be a nanny in exchange for room and board and a small salary.
She has a 6, (2) 3 1/2 and a 2 year old. She spends half her day in the car because everyone but the 2 year old has school at different times and places. She was gone 2 weeks ago because her Mom was sick and left the Nanny in charge and then was gone this past week with her dh to somewhere and had her single brother come from Texas and drive them to school. I guess Im floored by this because I never just "leave my children". I know Im overprotective about leaving them because I had my children thousands of miles from any family or close friends, but this sounds excessive. The really bad part is that she is a MD too!! I guess you can have the smarts, but not the common sense.
I know that you didn't mean to imply that parents who leave their children (not alone with bowls of food and water, but with adults in charge) to go on vacation together are not being good or smart parents..right??????
No! I mean parents who rarely spend quality time when their home, going on vacation (or wherever) to get away. A far as Im concerned they are on a permanent vacation.
MaryL
03-04-2002, 06:45 PM
I know someone who has a nanny, also. (Same type...foreign, can only stay in the country for a year.) My opinion is that I feel badly for the children....who will probably remember that their Mom was always too busy to spend more time with them. The Mom (and Dad, too) are missing out. Having said that....I'm a person whose children spent much time in childcare...and I never felt for a minute that I missed a "first". My sitter may have noticed things...but either she never "one-upped" me about it, or she truly let me see the first smile...etc. It was always obvious that I was the "mom"...and I'm proud of that. My kids always come first. I couldn't imagine having a nanny so that I could do "volunteer" type work. Maybe she should volunteer more in her own home.
Originally posted by MaryL
I know someone who has a nanny, also. (Same type...foreign, can only stay in the country for a year.) My opinion is that I feel badly for the children....who will probably remember that their Mom was always too busy to spend more time with them. The Mom (and Dad, too) are missing out. Having said that....I'm a person whose children spent much time in childcare...and I never felt for a minute that I missed a "first". My sitter may have noticed things...but either she never "one-upped" me about it, or she truly let me see the first smile...etc. It was always obvious that I was the "mom"...and I'm proud of that. My kids always come first. I couldn't imagine having a nanny so that I could do "volunteer" type work. Maybe she should volunteer more in her own home.
I worked in an infant room (6-12 month olds) for over a year before I had my dd. I rarely ever told a parent about a "first" that I might have seen. I always waited for them to tell me about it. It's hard for people who have to or want to work who miss out on those firsts, so I always let the parents see the first before I did! ;)
Diane
03-04-2002, 10:50 PM
Originally posted by JAK
I worked in an infant room (6-12 month olds) for over a year before I had my dd. I rarely ever told a parent about a "first" that I might have seen. I always waited for them to tell me about it. It's hard for people who have to or want to work who miss out on those firsts, so I always let the parents see the first before I did! ;)
I've always done the same thing. I've seen many "firsts" and haven't said a word and always acted surprised when a parent would tell me about it. :) I think it's important for a parent to think they've seen the "first" and wouldn't cheat them out of that pleasure for anybody. :) I just think it's sad when a parent could be spending some extra special time with their children and choose not to simply because they didn't WANT to be bothered. :( Gotta wonder how this leaves their children feeling... :( Pretty sad I'll bet.
As for vacations... as I said before that I think that every parent is entitled to some alone time every now and again but I'm still not too sure how I feel about taking seperate vacations... especially those that leave the child totally out of the picture. I know it happens a lot now adays then when I was a child, and although I think it's totally okay to take a "few" day's away from the kids, I also feel that it's very important for the parents to save some of this time to share/spend with their kids too. IMHO I think that this is part of what being a family is all about... JMHO... :)
I just want to add that a parent wanting and needing some time to themselves doesn't make them a bad/awful parent. 8o If anything it will usually leave you feeling more relaxed and able to be a better parent... as long as it isn't done excessively. :)
Diane... :wave:
Originally posted by Diane P.
As for vacations... as I said before that I think that every parent is entitled to some alone time every now and again but I'm still not too sure how I feel about taking seperate vacations... especially those that leave the child totally out of the picture. I know it happens a lot now adays then when I was a child, and although I think it's totally okay to take a "few" day's away from the kids, I also feel that it's very important for the parents to save some of this time to share/spend with their kids too. IMHO I think that this is part of what being a family is all about... JMHO... :)
Diane... :wave:
Im with you on this one. What ever other people do is fine with me. It's their family and they know whats best. But the thought of leaving my children behind and going on vacation is unthinkable for our family. When I was a child, all vacations were planned with the family in mind. There was a ton of camping and fun places we went to up and down the East coast. My parents compromise for themselves was to go camping where they had square dancing weekends (that was big in the 70's at campgrounds). That way the kids get to go see friends and the parents square danced with their friends all night. Best of both worlds. LOL My updated version is to go to Club Med! ROFL!
Diane
03-05-2002, 09:05 AM
Originally posted by Amy/CO
Im with you on this one. What ever other people do is fine with me. It's their family and they know whats best. But the thought of leaving my children behind and going on vacation is unthinkable for our family. When I was a child, all vacations were planned with the family in mind. There was a ton of camping and fun places we went to up and down the East coast. My parents compromise for themselves was to go camping where they had square dancing weekends (that was big in the 70's at campgrounds). That way the kids get to go see friends and the parents square danced with their friends all night. Best of both worlds. LOL My updated version is to go to Club Med! ROFL!
Thanks... I was a little nervous :nervous: about posting my comment. :) We've also always planned and centered our vacations around our family/children and it's something that we've always looked forward to. My best childhood memories are of our family vacations and how much fun we had doing so many new/different things together... and I know that my children will also grow up remembering all of ours. I have a few families I care for who's children never get a vacation... but are always left with someone else (and me) while mom and dad go ahead on their's.
Whatever other people do is fine with me... but sometimes I think it's really kind of sad when the kids are NEVER included.
Diane...
Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't you take a vacation with your spouse and a family vacation also? We look at those as two totally separate things, not and either or.
Diane
03-05-2002, 10:02 AM
Originally posted by AnnW
Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't you take a vacation with your spouse and a family vacation also? We look at those as two totally separate things, not and either or.
I really see nothing wrong with this either... but it's not something we ever chose to do. It's when the kids are NEVER included that's sad. IMHO being a family means doing things together AS a family. Honestly... I couldn't imagine not including my kids. I'd probably miss them WAY too much. :)
Diane... :bounce: :roll: :bounce:
Mickey
03-05-2002, 10:26 AM
I think it's pitiful when a mother has to ask the nanny (or anyone) about her child's health.
Regarding vacationing, I'm with Diane.
JeannieOR
03-05-2002, 11:59 AM
Heck, I've vacationed with my my family and with just DH and all by myself. (But not when my kids were babies.) I think everyone should get away now and then.
Last year we got a free trip to Cabo. Did my DH and I take the kids??????? I don't think so!!! The kids were a little ticked off but it was good for the mariage. It was good for the kids to get to know grandma better anyway.
NO she doesn't have it made........I think some people are very selfish with thier time. parenting to me, is what having children was all about....I didn't have children for someone else to raise them :(.... I too would love the idea of an Alice living with me, doing the meanial house work and chores....but I live in the real world....:lol:....
as for the vacations.....Dream of the two of us on the beach in Hawaii....but for now....we do family vacations...nothing wrong with haveing both....
TXmom
03-05-2002, 03:28 PM
We can't afford more than one vacation a year, and we really don't have a good place to leave all 3 kids, so they come with us. But, I'd love to go on a short vacation without them.
MaryL
03-05-2002, 06:01 PM
My dh and I make it a priority to spend a "night" away from our dks....a tiny, mini-vacation! LOL It usually only happens once, maybe twice a year....but it is glorious, and does wonders for us! I've never spent more than one night away from my dks....it's hard for us to leave them with people, as we have no family in town. Even one night is rough...I miss them!!!! We want our kids to have both wonderful memories of our family vacations...and also knowing that mom's and dad's need time alone together too. (Heck...our kids LOVE when we leave them at their aunt/uncle's overnight....it's a huge treat for them!!!)
Originally posted by MaryL
My dh and I make it a priority to spend a "night" away from our dks....a tiny, mini-vacation! LOL It usually only happens once, maybe twice a year....but it is glorious, and does wonders for us! I've never spent more than one night away from my dks....it's hard for us to leave them with people, as we have no family in town. Even one night is rough...I miss them!!!! We want our kids to have both wonderful memories of our family vacations...and also knowing that mom's and dad's need time alone together too. (Heck...our kids LOVE when we leave them at their aunt/uncle's overnight....it's a huge treat for them!!!)
I call that a retreat and I would do that in a heartbeat! LOL
I just found out my friend and her dh went to Paradise Island, Bahamas for a week. Would you do that?
MaryL
03-05-2002, 06:31 PM
Originally posted by Amy/CO
I call that a retreat and I would do that in a heartbeat! LOL
I just found out my friend and her dh went to Paradise Island, Bahamas for a week. Would you do that?
ohhhhh....a "reatreat", I like that term! ;) :) I'd like to say "yes", I'd go to the Bahamas for a week with dh, but truthfully I think I'd miss my boys too much! I don't think I could commit to more than 2 nights at this point! Even that's a stretch! LOL Dh travels for work and is gone for a week at a time, and I always marvel at how he can do it! We're planning to go to Hawii for our 25th wedding anniversayr. Ds said, "When you go to Hawii who will watch us?" Uh....let's see you'll be 20 and 18, hopefully you can handle yourselves! LOL It was funny!
Originally posted by Amy/CO
I just found out my friend and her dh went to Paradise Island, Bahamas for a week. Would you do that?
Yep. And we have! :) I was married to him for many years before we had kids, and will be married to him for many years after the kids grow up. I love my kids with every breath in my body and went through unbelieveable hoops to be blessed with them. I miss them when we go out of town...talk to them every day no matter where we are. I miss them when they are at school too, but I am not going NOT send them to school cause I miss them! LOL I was married to their daddy first. I think it's important that we remember we are a couple first. I don't think it makes you less of a parent to remember that you were a spouse first.
And even more drastic ;) I don't think it makes you less of a mother or a spouse if you go out with the girls either!!! I was a girl before everything!!!! ;)
MaryL
03-05-2002, 08:17 PM
Originally posted by AnnW
I think it's important that we remember we are a couple first. I don't think it makes you less of a parent to remember that you were a spouse first.
And even more drastic ;) I don't think it makes you less of a mother or a spouse if you go out with the girls either!!! I was a girl before everything!!!! ;)
I agree. Even though I miss the kids, I really enjoy being just a wife...even if it's just for a day!:) And I LOVE going out with my friends....actually dh and I have a lot of couple friends that we will go out with for dinner with, etc. Just because we had the kids doesn't mean that we gave up our friends and our hobbies. This might sound bad....but when we go on an overnight w/o the kids I usually don't call them. I completely trust the people (usually my sister) that we leave them with, and they have our number in case of an emergency.
I'm jumping in late but I would go on vacation w/o the kids. Dh and I went to San Diego last month by ourselves and it was really wonderful to have time to connect. Most vacations and trips we do as a family, but if you have the time and money to do both I don't see anything wrong with it.
Sheryl:)
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