What if they "forget" a lot?

[PamE]

I need your advice on this one. Dd (10) is constantly "forgetting" to do things that either she knows need to be done, or that we've asked her to do. For example, it is one of her chores to feed the animals every morning and evening. That wasn't happening so we set up a time they needed to be fed by. If they weren't fed by that time she would get a checkmark. For every three checkmarks she lost play priveleges with the animals for three days. That helped some. This morning she got a checkmark and I told her to go feed the animals. She fed the dog and her fish, but not her guinea pigs. I had also asked her to wipe up the fish food she spilled on the counter (didn't get done).

I know part of this is just normal kid stuff but where do we draw the line and say enough is enough and how do we go about changing things? If you want/need more examples of what I mean I'm sure I could come up with several, lol. I can't stand this much longer but at the same time I don't want to be too hard on her, like I feel my own parents were. :\

Any suggestions?

[Diane]

She needs to know and understand that these pets are looking at and depending upon her for their food/nutrition and without that... if she "forgets", they will most definitely not live/survive. When I was that age I was responsible for feeding my cat every morning when I woke up and every evening before going to bed. Knowing that their survival totally depended upon me MADE me more responsible... because I couldn't stand the thought of it dying because of something I did. I realize that all kids are different but does she realize/uinderstand how important it is for an animal (or anything) to eat? Ask her how she would feel if you "forgot" to make her meals each and every day... Sometimes you might have to be a little bit "hard" in order to get your point across... :) I hope that you can find something that works. :)

Diane... :wave:

[Amy]

this may sound cruel, but she may get the point. Have everyone's dinner ready but hers and tell her you "forgot" to feed her. When she whines about it, ask her why she thinks its so important for you to feed her? Get her into explaning all the reasons why and then turn it around on her and ask her how it must feel for the pigs to go hungry.

[imamama]

Ooooh, good one, Amy. I mean, it does sound cruel if taken out of context, but I think that would really drive the point home and show her the consequences of her actions. After all, I know I had to learn everything the hard way.
And it's not like you won't feed her, Pam, but after she does some serious thinking, maybe her "forgetfulness" will suddenly be "forgotten".

Amy, I'm writing this one down!!!!!! Good job, Dr. Mom!!!

Good luck, Pam. Let us know how it comes out. By the way, I like the check mark idea. I think dd is getting old enough for a chore chart (very simple tasks) and your idea is very good.

No wonder I love this site so much!! So many smart people!

[Linda/NE]

We've used similar tactics as Amy described. If the kids forget to take the scraps out to the dogs, the plate of scraps is set at their place at the table. They are given the choice to eat the scraps or feed the dogs.

With our kids when feeding pets aren't done, they aren't allowed to eat (either a meal or a snack) until it's done.

Like was said before it's not like she's not going to get fed. When she eats will be determined by when her chores are done.

If that seems too harsh then maybe take away dessert, snack or special drink (if drinking pop for a meal, she drinks water). That way you're not denying anything important for her to have--just special extras.

Good luck!! (BTW, I've got a forgetful Ds that's 10. I haven't found a complete 'cure' for it yet! :))

[PamE]

I really like your idea, Amy! For some reason I seem to struggle to come up with appropriate punishments, or whatever, for an offense. Frankly I think your method would work a lot better and faster than the checkmarks we've been giving.

Consistency is the key, (shall this be my mantra now, lol?) but I sometimes wish we could see the results of it sooner. :)

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.