Sibling Rivals!

[sassy mom]

?( Please help me. My 4 year old daughter is bossy and pushy with her 1 year old brother. Everything is her way or the highway. She feels the need to dominate every toy, every room and everyone in the house.

We have tried isolating her with time out and sending her to her room with the "if you can't play nice, you won't play at all" theory, but it doesn't seem to be working well.

Any suggestions?:banghead: I don't think I am getting anywhere.

[PamE]

I know what you're going through. Our oldest dd is the same way. I think it must just be a firstborn "thing". We gave up trying to get her to stop bossing and just kept instructing her on sharing, speaking nicely, taking turns, etc. It has gotten a lot better, but it still gets on my nerves at time. Dd is 10 now. :)

[AnnW]

I think it's a GIRL thing! LOL
She knows the rules, have you tried just sending her to her room when it happens without alot of discussion? Something like "that is not how we play in this house" and then she goes to time out without any discussion.
What does your younger child do when she bosses? Is he upset about this? If not, you might just want to let them work it out themselves.

[sassy mom]

my daughter goes to her room without discussion. All I say is "Go to your room! You can come back down when you are ready to play nicely together." Then when she comes down, she will play ok for 10 minutes or so then it is the same stuff all over again......

[Suz]

Ok, this is what we have been doing recently and I have to say that it has been totally working for us!!!
I have the Bible verse Ephesians 4:32 posted up on the wall (I shortened it) Be kind and compassionate to one another and forgive each other. Anyway, the kids each made a crown and I told them that if they could say the verse by memory and LIVE BY IT :) then they could get a "jewel" to glue on their crown. (you could use some other reward system) We talked about the verse and what it meant and how important it is. My point with them was that God instructs us how to live and behave, but it means nothing to Him if we just KNOW it and don't LIVE it.
It has made them more aware of their actions and how they are talking to each other.
Hope you find something that works for you - I know that it is hard!

[AnnW]

Then send her back! LOL

How does your son react when she is bossy?

[Suz]

I forgot to add that we do this daily so that the reward is immediate. We go over it in the morning and then at the end of the day, before bed, the kids find out if they get a jewel or not (usually they know) :).
I believe that kids need to be taught that there may be times that you don't like what someone else does or says but there are appropriate ways to deal with it.

[sassy mom]

My son takes it half the time and just finds something else to do and the other half he throws a fit.... like when she grabs the toy he has been playing with for no reason or when she stands in the doorway and won't let him pass.

I like the idea of the chart with rewards each day for being nice. Thanks for that one!