needing ideas for crying child

[Cheryl S]

Hello everyone. I am new to the list here.
Here is my problem, I have one little girl aged 19 months, as soon as I leave the area she is in, she flips out, screaming as though she is hurt, but never a tear, Now the youngest, aged 12 months, has started, with the girl, I have said, do you need to go to bed? And the first time I tried this, I would not give the option, I just stated, ok your tired, off to bed. And placed her in the playpen, telling her when your done, I will take you out. At first she did not like this, SO it has worked, I only have to state do you want bed? And she instantly stops. But now the 12 month old does not understand the consequence of this type of behaviour. I of course want this to end asap, but how can I get him to understand. Please I really need advice on this issue. Thank you Cheryl

[Amy2]

Dear Cheryl,
This is just MHO here, but I think that using going to bed as a "punishment/consequence" is not a good idea. She will think of bed as a bad thing, and naps and bedtime might end up being a nightmare.
She is probably just going though a stage of separation anxiety, and while I don't think you need to stop what you're doing and focus on her, I think you can acknowledge what she is feeling. "Yes, I see that you are sad, but mommy will be right in the kitchen" or whatever. Then just ignore the crying/yelling and go about your business. It will be hard at first because I am sure it is LOUD, but eventually when she sees that it is not getting the desired affect she will probably stop. If the yelling itself is making you insane, buy a pair of ear plugs. I'm totally serious. Same goes for the younger one. When a child cries, I think we should find out what is wrong and deal with it, but if dealing with it is saying "Well, I'm sorry you're sad, but there's nothing I can do" then that's what you have to do. But you can't "make" a child stop crying, and why would you want to? They have a right to express their feelings too. Amy

[Mickey]

I totally agree with everything Amy said.

[KarlaB]

Ditto here. Is this a child you take care of or is it your own child at home? From the thread topic I think it is in a child care setting and IMHO if this were my child I would be upset to know that no one was trying to comfort him and that the only option for him was to go to bed. :( I am a sahm and I take my ds (22 months) to a class once a week. When we separate half way thru he is always very sad to see me leave and the teachers there are wonderful with him and do everything they can to comfort him. Sometimes it may take a while, but they try different things until he relaxes/calms down - blow bubbles, read a book, find a toy to distract him, etc. If I ever thought they would just put him in a bed without trying to figure out what is wrong or until he stopped crying I would immediately withdraw from the class. JMHO...