Tuesday's Oprah

[littlesista06]

Did anyone else catch it?? Oh my gosh!! It was w/Dr. Phil as usual and the topic was the 'epidemic' numbers of teens giving/getting oral sex!!
I am astonished!! They 'do it' anywhere!! And these girls don't see is as a 'big deal' at all!! They rank a 'good-night kiss' higher than oral sex!
Boys are rated as cool if they can get 5 different girls to give them oral sex 5 times a week!! SICK!!!
What are we going to do??? We can raise our children, but as soon as they get 'out there' and see and hear what others are doing and feel the pressure, it all goes to hell in a handbasket.
I'm frightened to let my dd out there.....

So, here's a question - when did you start introducing sex talks? How old were your kids and how did you broach the subject?
And, did you include oral sex in the sex discussion.

One guy had the stupidity to say = "Well, the President did it and said it wasn't really sex....." oh my gosh!!! Can you believe??

[AnnW]

Well, when the President of the United States gets on television and denies that oral sex is "sexual relations" what in the heck is a stupid young child supposed to think????
I guess because of adoption, we talk about sex earlier than most...DD and I talk about sex all the time, how things happen, the tough choices that go with it...now these conversations might be 4 seconds and like "hey mom, my birthmom had to make a tough decision cause she had sex when she wasn't ready?" Yep, sweetie she did...or "the baby grows in the tummy and comes out the vagina, right?" yep, baby that's right...... Now, ds knows all about the adoption side of sex, but has no desire to talk about the mechanics! I probably screwed up and wasn't as free about talking with him and making it more of a production, so he isn't as comfortable with talking to me.
Also, you've got to remember this was TV and they wanted to do a show about this. This wasn't the "true love waits" show it was "promiscious teens" show. I am not saying it doesn't go on, but I don't think it is as universal as they portray it.

But basically, you just raise them with your values, continue talking about your values and do alot of praying!!!

[RCT]

Funny, I wanted to watch but both kids home and I didn't know what the content would contain so I opted not to watch with them.....

interesting Ann, my brother and I were the only kids on our block who knew the "truth" about were babies come from too....maybe because we were adopted...interesting....:) I never tell untruths about where babies come from either...but haven't have very long lengthy talks with either child yet....

Oral Sex is sex....and all sex has reprocutions........

sorry I missed it.....

[PamE]

I read an article on the same thing about two weeks ago (and I can't for the life of me remember which magazine it was in!). The article covered kids drinking, smoking, doing drugs, sex, the whole nine yards. The scary thing is ***IT'S NOT ONLY TEENS***!!! They were saying that a good percent of 5th and 6th graders had experimented with oral sex (like at 11 and 12 years old) and different drugs, etc. I don't think Oprah's show was hype, or disproportionately exaggerating the situation!

8o 8o 8o 8o 8o 8o 8o 8o

I will be the first to admit it... I AM AN OVERPROTECTIVE MOTHER!!!! This is just ONE reason I do NOT want to put ds back in school!!!!!! I can see him, down the road, going along with stuff like this simply because he doesn't comprehend the consequences. (we're having trouble with that now, with the easy stuff..... ie you climb on the top of the fence = you can fall and get hurt!)

Okay, falling off my soapbox here. Stuff like this just completely blows me away. :\

[Diane]

Originally posted by AnnW
But basically, you just raise them with your values, continue talking about your values and do alot of praying!!!

I couldn't agree with you more... this is SO8o00000 true... :)

Diane... :wave:

[Diane]

Originally posted by PamE
I read an article on the same thing about two weeks ago (and I can't for the life of me remember which magazine it was in!). The article covered kids drinking, smoking, doing drugs, sex, the whole nine yards. The scary thing is ***IT'S NOT ONLY TEENS***!!! They were saying that a good percent of 5th and 6th graders had experimented with oral sex (like at 11 and 12 years old) and different drugs, etc. I don't think Oprah's show was hype, or disproportionately exaggerating the situation!


My #1 dd's girlfriend... the one who was going to be her Maid of Honor,
will readily admit that she first had sex (intercourse) when she was only 10 years old... 8o 8o 8o and oral sex shortly after. Now... when I look at a 10 year old I can hardly imagine someone that young doing something as intimate as that with anyone. 8o I must have been an awfully nieve child because I don't even think I knew what having sex was until I was darn near 13. 8o I guess I also don't quite understand when/how and where these young children find the opportunities they evidently have in order to HAVE these relationships??? When my kids were 9/10 and even 11/12 years old they were seldom ever away from dh and I... and when/if they ever were, we knew exactly where/who they were with... and there was always another adult present. Evidently these children aren't being supervised by their parents very well... and if that's the case then I blame the parents! 8o I realize that you can't hold your child's hand and be with them all the time... but when/if your child is going to be gone/away from you, it seems to me that the parents should be making sure that there are no opportunities for something like this to happen. It just seems that a lot of these kids seem to have way too much unsupervised free time on their hands. Don't mean to judge 8o but... ?(

Diane... :wave:

[AnnW]

Was she having sex with another 10 year old? I have to wonder if she wasn't molested instead!

[Diane]

Originally posted by AnnW
Was she having sex with another 10 year old? I have to wonder if she wasn't molested instead!

No... she said that she was never molested but had sex with a l4 year old, who was a neighbor of her's. 8o Where do you suppose their parents were?? 8o

Diane... :wave:

[kat]

Yeah, you wonder about the supervision. Heck at 10, 11, 12 I was playing with Barbies and Jacks.

I tend to blame parents for alot of this too. Along that line, did anyone catch Dateline last night about the teens going to Cancun for Spring Break with a few adult chaperones. These parents who went with them did a good job saying the kids would be safe and have fun because they would be there to help if there was trouble, but a p@#$ poor job of acutually chaperoning these teens. The kids were falling down drunk, half naked, getting felt up and worse and no one would let them call their chaperones or talked the kids out of contacting them for help. What kind of parent takes their teens to Mexico and drink and take drugs and God knows what else anyway.

[Diane]

Originally posted by kat
Yeah, you wonder about the supervision. Heck at 10, 11, 12 I was playing with Barbies and Jacks.

I tend to blame parents for alot of this too. Along that line, did anyone catch Dateline last night about the teens going to Cancun for Spring Break with a few adult chaperones. These parents who went with them did a good job saying the kids would be safe and have fun because they would be there to help if there was trouble, but a p@#$ poor job of acutually chaperoning these teens. The kids were falling down drunk, half naked, getting felt up and worse and no one would let them call their chaperones or talked the kids out of contacting them for help. What kind of parent takes their teens to Mexico and drink and take drugs and God knows what else anyway.

That reminds me of the time when I allowed my dd... then 16, to stay overnight at one of her girlfriends house. I spoke with the parents BEFORE I gave my permission, and they assured me that they would be there and make sure that the kids were okay. 8o 8o 8o Well... here to find out after they had talked with me... one of their friends called and asked them to go out with them and without giving it another thought... did, leaving their and my dd home alone. I'm not totally blaming the parents because my dd did know better... but they got into the liquor cabinet and drank/got drunk. What was so funny was that I wouldn't have had a clue that this had happened... except that after my dd came home I was about to confront her about something else (cleaning her messy room) and between feeling guilty and thinking that I already knew about it... she blurted it all out and confessed. I was SO angry at her... and also at the parents for being so irrisponsible. Of course I called them up and asked them what happened... why had they gone after they told me they'd be there. 8o I couldn't believe that they couldn't understand what MY problem was... 8o kids will be kids afterall. This is what kids do... 8o Ugh!!! Well... needless to say, she was never allowed to stay overnight at that house ever again... and no other houses for that matter until we felt dd could be trusted. When kids know that there are consequences for bad behavior... then they'll think twice about doing them. Too bad more parents don't care enough or aren't more willing to take the time to direct their kids in the right direction after they've screwed up... :)

Diane... :wave:

[SMB]

I saw part of that Dateline. I was completely shocked that any parent would let their teenagers go to mexico, or anywhere else for spring break. I just can't imagine my parents letting me do anything like that. I was only allowed sleepovers at friends houses where my parents knew the friends parents. I don't think that much freedom for a teenager is a good thing. I don't think the college kids do very well on spring break either. I never had enough money to go on spring break but even if I had that kind of environment would not have thrilled me. I like the sun and the beach, but not the sex and alcohol.
Sheryl:)

[AnnW]

Originally posted by Diane P.


No... she said that she was never molested but had sex with a l4 year old, who was a neighbor of her's. 8o Where do you suppose their parents were?? 8o

Diane... :wave:

a 14 year old boy having sex with a 10 year old IS molestation..she may not realize it, but the kid could have gone to jail.

[AnnW]

We went to Mexico many times for spring break, but as a family! We got to take friends, but my folks didn't leave us to party. I went in college and it sure wasn't like it is now...I must have been in the wrong place! ;) LOL
As far as sneaking out, I think it's easy to blame the parents for not supervising, but it can be done even if the parents are supervising.....trust me, it's the kid's fault. BTDT

[Diane]

Originally posted by AnnW
As far as sneaking out, I think it's easy to blame the parents for not supervising, but it can be done even if the parents are supervising.....trust me, it's the kid's fault. BTDT

My kids never sneaked out... 8o You'd be surprised at the number of kids who's parents know exactly where they are... just not always aware of what they are doing. ?( ?( A lot of parents are so nieve and believe every story their kids throw there way. I'm not saying not to trust your kids but... it never hurts to check up on what you're being told. If your kids know that you're probably going to be checking up on their story... making call's and talking with other parents... they'll be less likely to lie to you. :)

Diane... :wave:

?( ?( ?( Ann... BTDT??? 8o I'm SO shocked... :biglaugh:

[RCT]

Originally posted by AnnW
BTDT


ok, I am so out of the loop....what does this mean??(

[Diane]

Originally posted by RCT



ok, I am so out of the loop....what does this mean??(

Okay Renee... LOL BEEN THERE DONE THAT... :biglaugh:

Diane... :wave:

[RCT]

ROFLMAO....OMG8o can you tell I am so preoccupied.....

gottcha....BTDT :p

[AnnW]

Originally posted by Diane P.


My kids never sneaked out... 8o You'd be surprised at the number of kids who's parents know exactly where they are... just not always aware of what they are doing. ?( ?( A lot of parents are so nieve and believe every story their kids throw there way. I'm not saying not to trust your kids but... it never hurts to check up on what you're being told. If your kids know that you're probably going to be checking up on their story... making call's and talking with other parents... they'll be less likely to lie to you. :)

Diane... :wave:

?( ?( ?( Ann... BTDT??? 8o I'm SO shocked... :biglaugh:


Diane, my folks didn't trust me as far as they could throw me..with good reason too! They checked up on me constantly, and I always got busted too!!! Did it stop me? Nope! LOL My point is, if a child is inclined to get into trouble, they will...that's why we just got to pray!!!


Ironically, I was just talking with my dad about this the other day. We lived in one house till I was 13, then a high rise for a year while the house that my folks still live in was being built. When I was 13 I was sneaking out all the time. One day when I was looking at the plans of my parents' new house (a two story) I noticed it would be hard to sneak out of and commented to my dad "you know, if there was a fire, it would be hard for brother and I to get out, maybe we need an outside stairway"..dad thought that a great idea so one was put in. By the time we moved into the house a year and half later, the thrill of sneaking out had worn off, so I never used that stairway! LOL I told dad about that just last Saturday! LOL

[JAK]

I recorded the show and will probably watch it this weekend.

I think this post and the post having to do with how old your child should be before you leave them home alone some what tie in together.

I started staying home alone at 8. I was a good kid then and didn't do anything wrong. By the time I was in high school I woke up to an empty house (mom had already left for work) and I can home to an empty house. I took advantage of it in any way that I could. I drank, skipped school and yes, even had sex. Did my mom know- no, she sure didn't. It's not that she didn't care, or didn't raise me with values- I was a teenager and she was a single parent doing what she needed to do to make ends meet and she trusted me! Will I do the same with my dks? NO WAY! I know what I did and I don't want them to do those same things. I will at some point have to leave them alone in the house, but I will go about it differently than my mom did. Hopefully it will make a difference, but in the end I turned out ok (I think so anyway). LOL There are some things I wish I could go back and change. Not everything mind you- those experiences made me the person that I am today and they effect the choices that I make with my own children. I hope it pays off. I try to be open with them and talk about things. My mom never really made time for me and we really didn't get along. As they saying goes... when you know better, you do better. She was doing the best that she could in a difficult situtation. As an adult I can understand that. As a teenager, I hated my mom and didn't care what she said when she did talk to me. Had she known at the time what I was doing, I think thinks would have been different.

[Diane]

Originally posted by AnnW
Diane, my folks didn't trust me as far as they could throw me..with good reason too! They checked up on me constantly, and I always got busted too!!! Did it stop me? Nope! LOL My point is, if a child is inclined to get into trouble, they will...that's why we just got to pray!!!

Ironically, I was just talking with my dad about this the other day. We lived in one house till I was 13, then a high rise for a year while the house that my folks still live in was being built. When I was 13 I was sneaking out all the time. One day when I was looking at the plans of my parents' new house (a two story) I noticed it would be hard to sneak out of and commented to my dad "you know, if there was a fire, it would be hard for brother and I to get out, maybe we need an outside stairway"..dad thought that a great idea so one was put in. By the time we moved into the house a year and half later, the thrill of sneaking out had worn off, so I never used that stairway! LOL I told dad about that just last Saturday! LOL

You were a little sh!t... LOL I was SUCH of the good girl. :biglaugh: Let's just say that KNEW better. If I had ever gotten caught doing something I wasn't suppose to be doing... I'd pay for it bigtime and I knew it. Sneaking out or doing anything I wasn't suppose to be doing just wasn't worth the consequences I'd have to pay for it later. 8o My dad was extremely tough and hard on us kids... let's just say that if he was raising his children in today's world he'd probably get charged with child abuse. 8o I loved my dad dearly but I was also very afraid of him. :nervous: He kept all of us kids in line and IMHO we all turned out okay... 8o but none of us have a whole lot of great memories of our childhood... very few. 8o I was always determined that when I raised my children they were going to have a childhood packed full of a lot of great/wonderful memories... and as far as I know they have. :)

It's funny though because the older my kids get... the more they're telling me of things they did that they didn't "think" I knew... some things I did and some things I didn't. LOL They certainly weren't perfect, and as a parent I wasn't either. :) We try the best we can ... and as you said, we pray a lot. THAT'S what gets us through. :)

Diane... :wave: