Why did this bug me?

[TXmom]

We had some friends spend the weekend. They brought their 5 year old niece. She refused to eat anything other than cereal, water, cheese pizza and fruit snacks. It really started to annoy me. When I was talking to ds about it, he asked me why it bothered me. I said I didn't know, that it really wasn't any of my business. Why do ya'll think? I'm just a busybody, right? LOL!

[Diane]

No... I don't think you're being a busybody, unless I am too and don't realize it. LOL It probably isn't any of my business, but it does bother me when I see children not eating good/nutritious meals. IMHO it's not really the child's fault but the parents for allowing them to eat whatever they want whenever they want it. They wrinkle up their noses at food's they've never even tasted before, mostly because they've never HAD it put in front of them in the first place. I once had a child in my day care who would scream and cry every afternoon during lunch because all he wanted was a bowl of dry cereal and a glass of water. I'm on the Food Program and if I had given that to him I would have been in BIG trouble... so I gave him exactly what everybody else was eating. It was his choice to either eat it or not eat it. After several day's of eating only what he wanted on his plate (which wasn't much) he finally started tasting what was put in front of him and he began to realize that it really wasn't too bad afterall... He ended up being one of my better eaters. I don't know what some people feed their kids for meals, but I'm inclined to believe that a lot of parents don't do too much in the way of cooking good meals. I COULD be totally wrong, but that's the way it appears to me. I think that if a child is taught and brought up being fed nutritiously... that's the way their going to eat. It DOES bug me too so, don't feel too bad, you're not the only one. LOL

[PamE]

I get seriously annoyed if my own children give me flak about what I've fixed for a meal, I can't imagine it being any different for someone else's child expecting me to fix only what THEY will eat!

[Amy2]

Being the parent of a (somewhat) picky eater, I have just been reading a book called "Let Them Eat Cake--the case against controlling what your children eat" that has offered some interesting ideas and perspectives. It talks about how eating is different for children than for adults, and that our ideas about food often reflect our adult anxiety about food rather than a child's, and often it is based in myth (sugar making children "hyper" for exaple.) It talks about how we often label food "bad" or "good" and create all this conflict about food. It says that children's life long eating habits are NOT formed in childhood, but later, so if your child doesn't eat vegies or whatever that they won't necessarily NEVER eat them (Personally, I didn't eat a tomato until I was nearly twenty!) It says that from a medical stand point, if a child is growing normally, then that should be the main criteria for discerning their eating habits. It says to continue to offer a variety of foods, but to allow the child to choose what to eat more freely with out punishing or shaming them for eating what we label "bad" foods. It goes on, but it's too late for me to try to be more intelligent. It made me think, though, because I have spent a lot of time worrying about my child's eating habits, and was of the "You may have dessert after you eat X amount of this food or that." It offered very compelling arguments against that attitude. Amy

[KathyT]

I have also read that book and it reinforced my views on children and eating. Our oldest dd is a very picky eater, no sauce, only very plain food, etc. We have never forced any foods on her, we have encouraged her to try things but never made it mandatory. We have taken a lot of grief from well meaning grandparents and friends who completely disagree with that theory. However, for personal reasons we stuck to our guns. Meanwhile, much to our surprise, she is finally starting to try new foods, all of her own accord. She is curious I guess. It is quite interesting to see. Some she likes, some she doesn't, but we are very careful to not label foods good or bad, hoping in the end that our dds have healthy attitudes where food is concerned I guess. Anyway, just wanted to add that I liked that book too.

[KarlaB]

Originally posted by TXmom
We had some friends spend the weekend. They brought their 5 year old niece. She refused to eat anything other than cereal, water, cheese pizza and fruit snacks. It really started to annoy me. When I was talking to ds about it, he asked me why it bothered me. I said I didn't know, that it really wasn't any of my business. Why do ya'll think? I'm just a busybody, right? LOL!

I think it would have bothered me, too, but then again I have very good eaters and haven't had to deal with a "picky" eater. I think it would have bothered me more if what the child wanted to eat started to affect my kids - like if they started refusing the meal offered and requested fruit snacks instead.

[RCT]

I'm not sure why it bothered you, I have a SIL who's kids only eat hot dogs.....I swear if they could eat them for breakfast they would......It always bothered me too, like maybe the parents weren't giving them other options, when now my own dd is very picky, no sauce on Pizza or pasta....very simple and plain....she does try new things, but someimes children it's just maddening....Your NOT nosey....just human....LOL...I know that hurts huh....

don't give it anymore thought.

[Leigh]

I can see where it would bother me. Especially like Karla said if it started affecting what your kids ate. Did your children even ask why she was eating something different and they couldn't. I used to watch a child that would only eat mac & cheese and bologna sandwiches. It was because that is all she was fed at home.

[Mickey]

It bothers me to see a child who eats like that because I believe it is a result of something the parents are doing. They are either only offering these things or trying to force other things and getting into power struggles over food, which is supposed to be for nourishment.

I don't have a problem with children eating what they want when they want, but I do believe that as adults, many times we affect their natural eating habits in a negative way. I had a friend who complained because her kids never ate, but she gave them juice and Ovaltine all day. I think that as parents, we should offer a variety of healthy foods and let our children choose which ones they want. JMHO.

People are born with a built-in mechanism that makes them crave and choose foods rich in the nutrients their bodies need. A mother's body even adjusts her breastmilk to suit the nutritional needs of her baby. But from the time a child is born, we set a schedule and have them eat at certain times and we decide what they should eat. By manipulating the situation, we mess with nature. I think that's why so many people (myself included) have "issues" with food. It should be about fueling our bodies, not power struggles.

I read about this in a parenting book once that referred to another book about children and eating, but I couldn't remember the name...I think it was the book Amy referred to--thanks, Amy! :)

[Edited by Mickey on 03-26-2001 at 12:57 PM]

[kat]

I remember growing up we had some friends stay with us when they got back to the states. Their son would only eat a fried hamburger patty. I swore no child of mine would be that picky an eater.

I've had to eat those words. LOL! Oldest son would eat anything spinach, cottage cheese, you name it. Youngest is a different story. For starters we had a hard time getting a formula he could eat after I stopped breast feeding. He suffered from projectile vomiting. Low and behold, he became a picky eater and not because I did not prepare a wide variety of nourishing foods. He does not like change and also texture is a big thing with him. He would eat only hotdogs, or only peanut butter, or only egg whites, or ham, or mac & cheese, etc. on and on till he tired of it, then would switch. I was very concerned, and the ped. said as long as he's not anemic and growing that he was taking in the nourishment his body needed.

He is still picky but can now eat more of a variety. The thing is that he listens to his body, and your taste buds will let you know what your body needs. I've also found that to be true through the "Weigh Down Workshop" which encourages you to listen to your body with regard to food. Eat when you are hungry, eat what tastes best, stop when your full. If you really pay attention this works great.

There is so much more to a picky eater though than what we see on the surface. I know from experience that autistc children have alot of food issues many of which are a result of texture and sensation in the mouth than just being "picky" to be "picky". Also taste buds do change as you get older. I hated liver as a child, but love it now.

About sugar causing kids to be hyper - I don't care what anybody says - for some kids it does. My oldest was sugar sensitive. When he had it, he would have horible night terrors. Kids in my class, cut the sugar, reduce the hyperactivity. I've seen it too many times. You just can't make a blanket statement like that. Everyone's body processes things in different ways (foods, meds, etc.)

Well, I hope some of that made sense. I feel like I've rambled.

[Edited by kat on 03-26-2001 at 07:43 PM]

[Ryleigh]

I can see where this would bother you. It would likely bug me too, I don't know why either. We've been blessed with two children who don't seem too picky when it comes to eating. Neither one of them is stuck on tomato sauce on anything but if we are having spaghetti they want butter and parmasian cheese on it but will eat a few bites of meat sauce on the side. We try to encourage them to at least try a few bites of everything but if they really don't want to we won't force it. They usually come around after a few times and at least give it a try.
My nephew on the other hand is very picky. While he was visiting one day he requested a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. So, that's what I made him; but silly me, I cut the sandwich in the wrong direction, so of course he wasn't going to eat it. I just told him 'I'm sorry I didn't cut it the way you are use to, but it taste the same this way too.' He screamed and yelled and carried on for about ten minutes. So I just walked away and left the sandwich on the table in front of him. He sat there and looked at it for the longest time and eventually ate it. I asked him if he liked it and he said " no, and I'm telling my mommy on you and your going to have to sit on your bed for a time out". Big threat, ten minutes of silence, maybe I should cut everyones sandwich the wrong direction and I could get a full hour. LOL

[Leigh]

LOL! Ryleigh that is so funny. It gave me a good laugh. :)

[Diane]

[i]Big threat, ten minutes of silence, maybe I should cut everyones sandwich the wrong direction and I could get a full hour. LOL [/B]

Hey... now THAT'S a thought. LOL Too funny!!! :)

Diane P.~