Help!!

[Kezz]

Hi, i have a parent at my centre who is complaining that her child isnt getting enough calcium through the day because of a child with extremely severe allergies to dairy food, she is threatening to leave and wants me to tell the child with allergies parent shes the reason they are leaving.......how should i respond???
could i give her any info, does anyone have any strategies on how to communicate and negotiate with this parent????????
I feel like im in a rut!! LOL

[Mickey]

I think it's tough that this parent is putting you on the spot regarding this because I'm sure she would be very appreciative of your efforts if it were her child with the allergies.

How long does the child spend in your care? What about calcium-fortified orange juice? Do you have that there? What about other calcium-fortified foods like cereal or breakfast bars? Do you serve the children lunch or could the mom pack a lunch for her child or maybe just send a yogurt for her to have with her lunch?

Hope you can work something out!

[windling]

Do these two parents have a relationship outside the daycare? It sounds to me like the non-allergy mom has some issues and is looking for a reason to finger point at this other parent. You should tell her that although you will miiss having her child with you, you will NOT make another parent feel responsible for their decision. As long as you provide a healthy diet for these kids, you have done NOTHING wrong. You should not let this parent browbeat you into feeling bad or changing your habits. Explain to her that you feed the children a healthy diet that encompasses all of the food groups, and that calcium is not only found in dairy foods. Let her know that her childs calcium deficiency could have to do with what she is eating at hme as well. Then let her know that you will respect whatever decision she makes, and tell her to have a nice day. If she gives you crap, tell her you are finished with the topic.

[Sheryl]

We have a few children with allergies to dairy at our center. They are welcome to eat the fruit and vegetable that we have, but as far as the main dish, it is up to the parents to provide. We do read a lot of labels as far as snack goes. The parents of children with dairy product allergies would much rather provide a meal than to have us second guess if their child can have what we have made. They also provide us with the soy milk for their child too. FYI, we are not on a food program.

[Linda/NE]

Are these allergies so severe that even being around others that have them is dangerous? (like peanut butter allergies?)

Is there a way you can provide the dairy products the other kids need with substitute foods for this child. I know that creates extra work when preparing the meals though.

We have a nephew with hydrogloxemia (sp?) and my mom started out not letting any of the grand kids have juice because he couldn't have it. No one directly said anything but we felt it somewhat unfair that the majority were denied because of one. Our reasoning, however, is that he was going to have to learn what he could and couldn't have. I know this is a totally different situation though.
I myself have an intolerance to dairy products and when I worked at Head Start I couldn't drink milk with the meals. The director gave me the okay to drink water and not hide it from the kids. I explained that I couldn't have milk and I was surprised how well they accepted it and never refused to drink their milk.

As for the one parent blaming the other, I agree with the previous posters. Explain that you are providing healthy meals and snacks. Tell her you won't tell the other parent that she's leaving for that reason. You can't stop what this parent will do on her own, but you can make it clear that you won't be part of it.
Good Luck!!

[Leigh]

We have several children with dairy allergies at our center too. The way that we handle it is all of the other children get milk and the child with the allergies drinks juice or water. It is at the parents dicretion to bring in juice with calcium added. If the main dish is a dairy product then we give the child with the allergie a similiar dish, but with no dairy products in it. ( ex. take the cheese off of the sand. or put a differnt sauce on the noodles.) This is with all allergies, not just dairy. So far we have had no problems with this, and if a child asks, we just tell them that if she or he has what they are having it will make them very sick. They understand and nothing more is said about it. Could this work for you?

[Ryleigh]

As posted by Leigh, we also have several children in our care with allergies to dairy products as well as eggs, peanuts, and a few other things also religous restrictions.

I have three children in my class that can not have dairy products. They are offered a substitue that is similar to what the rest of the class is having and juice to drink. If their parents wish they are able to bring their own substitute but most are happy with what we provide. Our kitchen staff was even able to find a lactose free ice cream at a specialty shop. The children are all very accepting of the situation.

[windling]

Isn't it amazing how many more cases of food alergies there are, these days? I myself never developed mine until my 20's, and then they hit with a vengence!

[KarlaB]

Ds had a girl in his class last year with an egg allergy. The mom actually brought snacks for her daughter and took the responsibility off of the school and other parents providing the snack. The little girl is a twin and did very well when other kids, including her brother, got different snacks. Hope you can find an answer for this mom. It wasn't right of her to put you in this position or to even ask that of you. Good luck and let us know what happens!

[Diane]

Quite honestly, if she's got a problem with this parent I think it should be up to her to say something to her herself. I would NO WAY say anything!!! If she's leaving the center anyway, why start trouble with the other parent? I DO have a question though... are you feeding ALL of the children in the center according to the allergic child's allergies? If so... I would stop this immediately and give the responsibility of feeding this child back onto the parent. If their child has allergies than it's up to THE PARENT to provide a different lunch/snack. They shouldn't be expecting you to change everything for only their child. YOUR only job should be to make sure that this child does not eat any of the foods they shouldn't be eating. :)
Good luck and I hope everything works out well... :)