teaching your children to pick good friends

[RCT]

since the fatal accident last week involving my nephews girlfriend we have found out that the driver, who also parished....had at least 4 speeding tickets and to recent accidents....and had a blood level of .14 when they crashed doing over 100 miles per hour......

my question is...how do you teach your kids not only NOT to drink and drive, or get into a car with someone who has been drinking, but how do you teach them to choose thier friends wisely and make those choices in this day and age....I don't want to raise paranoid children...but this is such a waste to me...the girl in question knew this boy about 6 weeks, and I am sure she didn't check his driving record before she started dating him....

any input on how your teaching your kids to make good choices?

[Amy]

Ummm... Lots and lots of prayer?

Everytime I see something wrong or offense in other people, I use it as a teaching tool. When we went to Disney, her best friend ate nothing but crap and soda the whole time. My dd was upset that I made her drink milk for dinner instead of soda (like her friend) and when we got back to the hotel I explained to her that you are what you eat. I asked her if she thought that all the junk bf put into her body would make her strong and feel good and dd said "no." So now she gets a kick out of eating healthier food choices because she is making her body healthier than bf. Thankfully, bf and mother have no idea that we used bf as an example. LOL

[Marla]

I use the same approach as Amy sometimes. I have tried to instill in my kids what is unacceptable behaviours in society. They have met up with a quite of few kids throughout school, who they would definately not hang out with (the ones always being sent to the principals office). So far so good with the friends that they have chosen, but it is very scary.

[KarlaB]

It's scary, isn't it? :\ I wonder the same thing Renee. How can we make the things we teach them stick and hopefully prevent them from succumbing to peer pressure?? I already pray about it - that my kids will be safe and not taken from us early in life - it is just so scary and one of my biggest fears. I just read another article recently about teens (still) believing they are immortal and it's scary.

When my dks are older I will tell them that if they are ever running late or need a ride, don't rush home to make curfew, don't drink and drive or get in a vehicle with someone who is drinking - call no matter what and I won't be mad if they wake me up to explain or if I have to pick them up. I'd rather have them safe then feel pressure to avoid what they may perceive as big trouble. Am I making sense? I think it's also important to instill values from the start, practice what you preach, and continue to have open communication - which probably is easier said than done as we approach the teen years, huh?

Anyway, great question and one I wonder about often!

[Fern]

As we all know talking with our kids is the most important thing, but it all comes down to will they make the right decision when they are in a pressure situation. Both of my teenages know what's right and they see others doing stupid things, and come home and say I would never do that. I hope and pray they are strong enough people for that to be true, I don't worry as much about ds because I know he is strong willed, but dd isn't always.
Both of my kids belong to S.A.D.D. - which doesn't mean they won't drink - it's about not drinking and driving.. We have signed contracts that if the person who is supposed to be giving them a ride has been drinking, they can phone us anytime, with no questions asked - we are there for them, they have also promised to never drink and drive. Ds sticks to this seriously, last week after coming home from a grad party(that had designated drivers)he had to be at work 4 hours later for a short shift - In the morning he asked me to drive him, because he felt driving would break his S.A.D.D. contract.

[vea29]

I hate to say it but alot of times children don't see the consequences or they think it will not happen to them. The only way it becomes reality is if someone close to them is affected. Might be best not to totally shield them when bad things happen. Let them see the results. I know that can be harsh but they are going to come in contact with the real world sooner or later. Why not do it while your closeby to help explain. I think that why the SADD program is a good thing.

[Cathy]

Keep drilling into them that you will always be on the side of doing what is best for them, pray a lot, and set a good example. That's all you can do.

Dd1 went through a phase (well she still is to a lesser extent) of making friends with people who had "problems"--seeing the best that they could be, and helping them. The poor kid has been hurt so many times by lies and people trying to use her! She's getting to a point where she wants to have friends who are responsible for themselves and their decisions (to which Mom says "Amen--It's about time!") But I had to admire the rescuer thing too. It's good that she is open-minded and compassionate.....just darned scary!!

There are no guarantees on this earth. Just keep pointing out how choices come with consequences. And pray some more.