our future

[Dena]

My husband and I have decided that we are going to call it quits. We have been married for four years. He and I are living at seperate places. I have had to deal with his depression for years. He has not been able to hold a steady job for longer than 6 to 12 months. I am sorry that it has come to this. I have prayed over this and he says that he has too. I feel like a lift has been taken off of me. I have wrote asking for advice many times and on the old chat board too. I know that some of you have probably been through divorce we agreed that we didn't want it to get ugly. He even said that he still loves me he is just not in love with me. I feel the same way. Can any of you give me some words of wisdom? I don't recommend divorce to any one I am not taking this lightly.

[stasee]

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I dont have any idea what your going thru but Im sure it isnt easy even if you agree not to get ugly. Will keep you in my prayers.

[dotcommom]

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles,too. Maybe you could get a counselor from your church or community who does not have a personal connection to you , with whom you could talk things out with and will keep you focused during this difficult time. Take care fo yourself,too.

[KarlaB]

I don't remember your "history" from the old board, but it sounds like this may have been going on for a while. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am a child of divorced parents, so I know how difficult it can be on people. I also wouldn't necessarily recommend divorce for anyone, however, sometimes it just doesn't work out. If two people have tried everything they can and nothing is working, then I feel like they have to do what is ultimately best for them. You do have the right to be happy. Just make sure this is what you really want. And, although this is a mutual decision, it is still a loss/change in your life and in the way you thought it would be. I am sure there are some good books that could offer some insight and of course there are all of us here for support. (Do you have family and friends close to you that you can lean on during this time, too? A counselor?) Hang in there and let us know how you are doing. {{{hugs!!!}}}

[Edited by KarlaB on 03-27-2001 at 08:59 PM]

[Mickey]

I'm so sorry, Dena. I feel very sad for you. Do you have kids together? Was your dh the one who has seasonal depression and wanted to move away and stand on his own two feet, but still wanted your financial help? Or am I confusing you with someone else? I'm not clear on why you don't live together.

I'm sure things are very complicated, so I would never try to give advice about this, but I just have to say that the "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" thing is pretty normal IMHO--especially when you are going through difficult times together. How could you possibly feel that "butterflies in the stomach" feeling you had when you first met when you feel hurt or let down or upset with each other?

Anyway, I'm sure this is something that you've decided after lots of thinking and talking and trying. I'm sorry you're feeling badly--ending a relationship is sad, even when it wasn't a good relationship.

[kat]

Dena,

So sorry to hear your news. It is difficult when you can't be together. Is there some way you could be to work it out.
I echo everything that Mickey said but want to add that if this is your decision and you are going through with it, even though you both agree you don't want it to get ugly, it very well may. I know from experience. Get a lawyer, but don't let him make it ugly either. I believed my ex and showed up totally unprepare, and was taken to the cleaners.

Best of luck to you and God bless.

((((HUGS)))))

[AnnW]

No advice, just wanted to say I am sorry.

[Diane]

Dena, I'm SO sorry that things didn't work out. It sounds like this was something you both wanted... so hopefully you will both be able to go on with your lives and be happy. I'm also glad to hear that you both agreed that you didn't want to make it "ugly"... as so many end up being. Hang in there and take care. Let us know how you are doing. :)

[Leigh]

Dena, I am so sorry. I hope that you know that you can always come here to vent. I have no clue as to what you are going through, but I just wanted you to know that you will be in my thoughts.

[Ryleigh]

Just sending my sympathies along with the rest. Sorry I have no advice for you but just wanted you to know I'll be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. Sending along a {{{HUG}}} to help you feel better soon.

[Linda/NE]

Dena,
Since I haven't been around much lately, you probably don't even know me but I'm so sorry to hear of your break up.
That can't be easy. Take care of yourself! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!!:)