What do I do with/for this child?

[Linda/NE]

As you know by now I'm working at a daycare. We have a little boy who is 3. I 'm not sure how close he is to 4 but I'd guess he has quite a ways to go.

He is very cute and very smart. He knows most all his colors and can count past 10. The problem is his behavior. Yesterday he was into biting other children. Today he was just plain naughty. He would look right at me and do something he knows he's not supposed to do. He would run from me and hide when he knew he was supposed to be laying down. He would hit the other kids and take things from them just to make them cry.

I put him in time out and separated him from the rest of the kids at lunch time. (He was in the kitchen just in a high chair rather than at the table.) I held him and rocked him at nap time to keep him from pestering the other kids. When the other kids who were quiet got to get up to color he had to stay sitting with me.

I just don't know how to connect with him. I know he understands what I'm asking/telling him to do, he is just defiant.

I leave before he goes home (and he's often there before I get there) so talking to his mom isn't very easy.

Any suggestions??

[PamE]

Not sure if this will work for this little guy or not. Our children's church director said that our son said that he was mean to him all the time (or something to that effect). Made the poor guy feel really bad, but it also made him think. Most of the verbal contact he had with ds was to tell him not to do something, or to sit quietly, not bug whoever he's sitting by, etc. Well, he decided that he'd trying using ds as his helper at least once in a session, so that he would have something to praise ds for. It made a serious difference in how ds viewed the director and children's church, and there has been a noticeable difference in his behavior. He's much more willing to participate and cooperate, I assume because it's not all negative. There are still times when he's got to be disciplined, but those times no longer outweigh the praise opportunities.

Maybe by utilizing this little guy's strength's you can draw his focus away from his negative behavior. Reminds me off the soggy potato chip theory... something like a starving person will choose a soggy potato chip (negative feedback) if that's all he can get. It beats no feedback at all. Maybe that's the only way this little guy knows how to get *any* attention.

[Mickey]

Great advice from Pam! ITA!

[vea29]

Pam~~~Great Advice!! I have tried this with a few of my more difficult kids in daycare and it does help for the most part.

It also works for the older (kindergarten) kids who are often bored by the summer.

Vea

[Linda/NE]

Thanks Pam!! I did notice yesterday that one little girl fell and bumped her knee. She started crying so I of course checked to see if she was okay. This little boy immediately did the same thing and pretended to cry and then crawled on my lap.

He is a very intelligent boy and I think he does want attention. I'm not sure what the family situation is. I know his last name and his mom's last name aren't the same.

I will definitley try to focus on positives.

Thanks!!

[JAK]

I was going to say just what Pam said.

It sounds like he needs some positive attention. It sounds like he's getting a lot of attention for his disruptive behavior so there would be no reason for him to stop. I'd talk to the lady you work for and try to find out some family history on him. It might shed a lot of light on what's going on with him. I hope that things get better!

[fel]

Hi
If you happen to be familiar with topic this child likes best. Use a puppet like his favourite topic to use to get his attention. Use this in your attempts to discipline him for good and bad behaviour.

Eg Dinasour
I have one child who adores it and responds to it well

Try using a rewards chart with stickers for good behaviour.

To gain respect always follow through with the consequences if you give him some, with good and bad behaviour.

Talk to him about what he is feeling, get some feedback on his life at home and extend on this. His home life could be unsettled.

[Diane]

You've gotten a lot of great advice... :D Some children know no other way of getting attention... and sometimes this is the only way they know how to any. Some attention (even if it's bad) is better than none. Perhaps at home he's learned that's the only way he can get any. :rolleyes: I'd try doing what Pam suggested... I'm sure you'll probably see some very positive results. Let us know how it goes. :)

Diane... :wave: