View Full Version : Remember BMA? Nominate ME!!!
Okay, I'm ready for the "Bad Mother Award" here. I just sent my girls to bed w/o dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon. They have been at each other's throats constantly and it's driving me absolutely insane!!! They can't seem to be civil to each other, especially while cleaning their room and I finally warned them that if they didn't straighten up (attitude wise, lol) they were going to bed. So I followed through. Think they'll get it? :rolleyes:
This fighting over the room cleaning thing has been going on for a while and it's getting to where it literally takes them days to get their room cleaned up! (And it's not like it's horrible to begin with!) So, am I an awful Mom for doing this, or am I doing the right thing by setting consequences and then following through? :\
I would personally nominate you for the BMA if you set consequencs and DIDN'T follow through!!!!!!!
You've got to teach them that you mean what you say.
Maybe now you can do a conflict resolution and ask them for 3 ways that they think they can solve this problem they are having and see what they come up with.
Cathy
08-19-2002, 06:19 PM
Follow-through is so important, Pam. I think you had no choice. Sometimes I was amazed at the things my dds would do to each other. The fighting was unbearable for ME!! I don't think you'll damage them forever by sending them to bed. It does make you cautious about what consequences you set down, though. Now you're stuck home with 2 dds in bed. I hope you've got a good book to read. Or maybe some nice one-to-one time with ds!!
KarlaB
08-19-2002, 06:23 PM
Ditto about the follow thru!! Let us know how the night goes and if they are speaking to you in the morning. ;)
Great that you followed through...it won't kill them to go to bed early ;) I have set some ultimatims in my day and been Ticked at myself because I had to follow through...and I wasn't really ready to leave a place yet...I like your bed early idea....
Cathy
08-19-2002, 06:31 PM
Originally posted by KarlaB
Let us know how the night goes and if they are speaking to you in the morning. ;)
More important than that--Will they be speaking kindly to each other? If they're both not talking to you, at least they are on the same side!! (And they don't have to like you--You're the MOM!)
KarlaB
08-19-2002, 06:46 PM
Originally posted by Cathy
More important than that--Will they be speaking kindly to each other? If they're both not talking to you, at least they are on the same side!!
And then the anguish you are feeling tonight will be worth it. ;) :D
bizymum
08-19-2002, 06:55 PM
I think that you did right. Following through is very important as I have learned.... I always used to threaten things and never follow through on them now my kids walk all over me. So now here I am with kids that dont listen well and think that they can get away with things with me.
Now I am in the position where I am trying to get them to listen and do as they are told, also to stop fighting all the time. I am getting better at following through now.....
Mickey
08-19-2002, 06:58 PM
LOL! Cathy, that's what would always happen with my sister and me--if we argued/fought, we BOTH got sent to our room and we bonded as we commiserated with each other over how "mean" our mom was to us! LOL! ;)
Pam, they'll get over it! We did!
Cathy
08-19-2002, 07:09 PM
...kind of a weird thing when 3 voices saying "I hate you-you're the meanest mother in the whole world" is a better feeling than just one. My sisters and I were pretty awful to each other too. But at night we'd stay up whispering together. I used to have to pretend not to hear my dds talking instead of sleeping, because I know how cool it is!!
Thank you so much for your encouragement!!! I'll post in the morning how tonight goes. Dh got home and talked with the girls and established some rules, so hopefully in the long run it will help. I could care less how they feel about me right now, I'm just really sick and tired of them fighting each other.
Well.... I have an update, sorta. The girls are treating each other much better today, for which I am extremely grateful!
My sister however went off the deep end when she found out that I sent them to bed without dinner. Said it's abusive and totally not right. Is it abusive to send your kids to bed w/o dinner? I think it was harsh, to get their attention, but not abusive. Am I way off here? Is this something that I should not have done?
Oh please! Does your sister have kids? I don't think it was abusive....unless this is what you ALWAYS do to them! LOL ;)
KarlaB
08-20-2002, 10:53 PM
Ditto Ann!! Pam, don't beat yourself up. It was not abusive and you are not the first parent to do that as a punishment. Hang in there!! :)
btw - Next time don't tell your sister what you did for punishment. ;) That or you could send the girls to her and let her deal with them. :lol:
Okay, thanks! Why is it always so easy to second guess yourself??? :( My sis does have kids but they're grown and all but one gone. This is the first time we've chosen this punishment so it's fragile ground for me. I'm actually not sure how she found out what we did unless she talked to my mom. Sis is across country and Mom is across the street. :( I think I just need to keep my mouth shut altogether with them about what I do. Sheesh, what a hullaballo!
littlesista06
08-21-2002, 07:12 AM
Originally posted by PamE
... I think I just need to keep my mouth shut altogether with them about what I do.
Now THAT'S been the hardest lesson for me to learn!! ;) :)
(and I'm still working on it)
Sheesh, Pam, if her's all grown, she is like a grandmother who conveniently forgets all the bad things her kids did or she did when her kids were little!!!! LOL Tell her to go bowl! ;)
It's going to be a hard one for me too! I learned it with my sister and rarely mention anything anymore, but good grief... I thought I could talk to my MOM w/o fear of repercussions. It kinda sucks.
I agree with you that sis has forgotten a lot of what went on when her kids were young. Some of the things she said about how she raised *her* kids just made me laugh because I sure as heck remember it differently!!!!!
Isn't it incredible? I just stare at my parents when they say we are too tough on our kids in amazement wondering if these were the same people who grounded me for everything! LOL
Don't beat yourself up. Heck one night without dinner is not abusive. It would be another thing entirely if you did that all the time.
I always love when I hear people say, "when I have kids .....".
You know what when you have kids you eat alot of those words, you find what works with your kids and that's what you use. And if one night without dinner got their attention and helped them rethink how they behave and cause a positive change, then you found something that worked. If it works, you usually don't have to resort to using it too much in the future.
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