this weekend

[Dena]

Just giving my new friends a update on my situation. DH called Friday, wanted to get his stuff from our storeage, then asked me for pictures I made of him and his son. This just made things more final for me. I am so scared, he wants to do the divorce our self, but he is leaving me with our house that I can not afford, and it is almost 50 miles from my job. He says he will help me, but he can't pay his own bills! Then Saturday, he called me at my friends house 3 seperate times. 1. to tell me he would be late. 2. to tell me he could get his things without ruining my plans. Then he came over to get the keys to the storeage room. Later that afternoon he called me and I had already left. He left a message that he would call me next week. I am hearing more from him now than I have in weeks. This morning I went to church with my best friend and his parents were there. They hugged me, and his mom asked me what was going on with us, I told her she would have to speak to her son, she was very apolegetic. I told my mom that I believe money is the root of all evil, we probably could have made it if we were not in such financial stress. I do love him with all my heart, I miss him so much. I know we had problems, he didn't treat me the way I should have been treated. I read something from James Dobson about giving the spouse that wants to leave some room. I am not sitting at home, but the idea of finding someone else hurts and sickens me. I don't want to be alone forever, but I don't know what I should do about my husband. He has hurt me so deeply. I never never thought I would be getting divorced. I am not perfect, but I am very loving and he tells me that I am a wonderful woman. His Depression has crushed our future. I want the chance to have a happy marriage to have children of my own. Well that's the latest... What do you think I should do?

[AnnW]

Sorry you are hurting so much. I guess I am really unclear as to why you aren't living in the same city..seems that would be a good place to start.
My real advice is get your OWN lawyer!!!!

[kat]

Originally posted by AnnW
My real advice is get your OWN lawyer!!!!

Ditto!

[Diane]

I'm sorry to hear you're so sad... I agree with the other's when they say to get your OWN lawyer. When my sister first got her divorce she pretty much sounded/felt the same way you do now. Since then she's come to realize that she CAN/does have a life after divorce. She's lost a lot of weight, has a new job and has just recently started DATING. She never imagined herself with anybody else and never thought she'd ever be interested IN dating. She's happier than I've ever seen her and believe it or not... this could all happen for you too. You're a good person and you deserve to live a rich/happy life with somebody who can love and appreciate the wonderful person you are. Best wishes to you and for all your future holds for you... whatever that may be. :)

[KarlaB]

Originally posted by AnnW
Sorry you are hurting so much. I guess I am really unclear as to why you aren't living in the same city..seems that would be a good place to start.
My real advice is get your OWN lawyer!!!!

Another DITTO here! Hope everything works out for you!

[Amy]

Sounds like you have a lot of co-dependency tendencies too. You have been reacting, as opposed to living, to your dh's depression and its triggers (like Pavlov's Dogs). That is why you feel so lost right now now that he is gone. Its time to stop REACTING and start LIVING out the life you want for yourself. Your dh needs to get his own life straightened out and if you were meant to be, than maybe in the future you will get back together. If not, than if nothing else, this will be a huge growing period for you and you will be better off in the end.

I had a dear friend go through a divorce and he was crushed when the girl left him for another man. I told him that within one year, he will see that this was a blessing in disguise and that he will be much happier in the end. You know what? 6 mos later he met his future wife, has a baby boy and couldn't be happier. Once he was able to put space in between the problem, he was able to see much clearer and is now glad that his ex left. That moment of clarity will come in time. Find a good book on co-dependency and look to your future as a happy hopeful one!

[angie r]

I agree with Dobson to give him space. Keep your head up and keep moving. I don't think anyone goes into a marriage thinking they will be divorced. You can only control one side of the relationship and that is your side. It looks like you have done everything you can.

I also wanted to point out that the bible states the LOVE of money is the root of all evil, not the money itself. It is also the top problematic issue in most marriages.