Tabasco for a smart mouth/swearing?

[Mickey]

I wanted to know what you guys thought about this:

My cousin's 4 1/2 yo dd said "no" when her grandmother told her to do something and her mother had her apologize and then went to the fridge and put Tabasco sauce in the child's mouth.

What do you think about this? Do you think it's OK? Is this something you would do?

Then I was reading at the website someone posted (www.creativecorrections.com) and the advice given there was to do what they did and have the child drink a cup of bitter-tasting health food juice. What about that? Or what about putting lemon or grapefruit juice in a child's mouth?

Are any of these things ok in your book?

[beth c]

I have used tabasco in ds mouth. I use it when they are spitting or have said something very hateful. I am sure some people will find this horrible. As a child I had my mouth washed out w/soap for saying something unacceptable and that is now considered child abuse since it is a non edible substance.

[AnnW]

I've done the soap and also vinegar like BethC...never just for saying no.

[Mickey]

And do you find doing this effective? Is it a one-time-and-they-learn thing or do you have to do it repeatedly?

[Diane]

One of my friends has a son who is 9/10 years old and has an extremely bad attitude. She puts lemon juice in a squirt gun and every time her ds sasses, mouths off or swears... he gets a good squirt or two, depending upon the offense. :sillyface He IS improving and it gets him to stop and think before he opens up his big mouth... She's been doing this for about two weeks now... which may sound like a slow process but, at least it's working. I myself never had to resort to doing something like this, but if I had a mouthy child I wouldn't think twice about doing it. Whatever works!!! :)

Bye... :wave:

[MaryL]

I've done the soap...but only once, and only because ds was constantly being disrespectful and screaming when he didn't get his way. (He was 4??? I think.) We asked him to use his talking voice, and not scream at us, and he had ample warnings. The soap amount was tiny...but we never had the problem again. I think that he realized that we would follow through on the consequences. I don't think I could do the tabasco sauce...I figured that soap tastes "yucky"...but wouldn't harm him. I felt terrible...but the outcome was fine. He has never mentioned it...doesn't have a "soap" phobia...and listens to warnings about being respectful to us.

I guess I would have a problem with the squirt gun with lemon juice, thing. Only because of the "gun" being squirted at you. The rule in our house with squirt guns is that they are for outside only, and never to be squirted at anyone! (I'm kind of wierd about "gun" play...some toy guns are allowed (colorful plastic...not realistic), and may never be pointed at any living thing.

I was tempted to use tabasco sauce with one of my ds's who was a "thumb sucker". We broke the habit in otherways.

[Diane]

I remember I read an article (I think it was in Parent Magazine) where a parent had rubbed soap in a child's mouth for being mouthy, and sent to his room.. turns out the child was evidently allergic to the soap, his throat swelled up and he died of suffication. Ugh!!! I think I'd be careful with the soap. I remember ONCE when I was little my mom rubbing my mouth full of soap... it was stuck in my teeth and I chocked and gaged on soap all day. It was awful but I never forgot and watched my mouth from that time on... LOL I also think that I'd rather use lemon juice than tabasco... isn't tabasco REALLY hot??? Ugh!!! I guess it would all have to depend upon the age of the child and the offense. :)

[Amy2]

I think this is awful. I would never, ever do it. In my house talking rudely to one another is not okay, for any of us, and when my son does it, which isn't often, we will say "please don't be rude" or "can you think of a nicer way to ask mom?" and then wait to do whatever it is he has ordered us to do until he asks politely. He has on rare occasion yelled at me out of anger, but he is angry and what power does a small child have? He's usually over stimulated or tired, so I put him in his room, tell him it's not okay to yell at me and then ignore him, and let him have is fit in his room.

I think it's part of growing up to test boundaries with adults. One way is to attempt to stand up to them verbally or make themselves feel grown up by swearing or whatever. I think the best approach is to calmly explain that's not okay and let go. Why power trip a little kid who obviously is NOT feeling powerful?

I also have told my kids if they asked me if a word was a bad word that there ARE no "bad" words, there are just words, but some are kind of rude or hurtful or whatever so in our family we don't speak like that.

So far, my kids are incredibly polite so I'm crossing my fingers!

I think there are far more productive ways to teach children than humiliating them or totally power tripping them. They KNOW we have all the power! They live in a world of giants, who are always telling them what to do. We needn't rub salt in the wound, but help them find their own personal power, and not power that is aimed against us or society as a whole.

Oh, one time when I was a little girl my dad told me that the tobasco was ketchup as a "joke" and burned the crap out of my mouth! How mean! I would never, ever, ever do this to any child. What was he thinking?

[KathyT]

I would never ever do this to either of my children, not the tobasco, lemon juice, vinegar, soap, whatever. It's just not part of the parenting philosophy dh and I follow.

[coulie]

Personally I like the "stuff the mouth with dirty socks and duct tape it shut" method.

Not really, but I thought I would try to fit in with the crowd here. How'd I do?

Sheesh! What are you people thinking? What are you going to shove in their mouths when they are sixteen? Good luck!

I use Amy's method and so far it's working great.

[AnnW]

I just did it once and never had to do it again.

[Diane]

Originally posted by coulie
Personally I like the "stuff the mouth with dirty socks and duct tape it shut" method.

Not really, but I thought I would try to fit in with the crowd here. How'd I do?

Sheesh! What are you people thinking? What are you going to shove in their mouths when they are sixteen? Good luck!

I use Amy's method and so far it's working great.

I had to do a double take on your post... LOL I personally never did any of the above methods because I never HAD to... but I consider myself extremely lucky. Unfortunately, not all children listen or mind when they are told NO. I had a little 2-1/2 in my day care who could cuss worse than a trucker. We tried EVERYTHING nice... I refused to wash her mouth out with soap, as the mother suggested, but eventually I ended up having to give her up because all those bad/naughty words were starting to pass on to some of the other children. I guess what I'm trying to ask is... if you had an exceptionally mouthy, sassing... cussing child who totally ignored everything you did/tried... What WOULD you do/suggest? Just curioius about what your thoughts would be... :)

[KarlaB]

I have never done any of the mentioned tactics, however, so far I haven't really needed to. My dks are still young and those seem a little harsh to use at this age. However, as Diane mentioned if nothing else that I tried was working then I would have to consider other options. I guess I hate to say I would "never" do it because as soon as I do I think those situations are bound to affect me! LOL! (It's easy to say what we would or wouldn't do if we haven't been in a particular situation.) My sil uses soap on her dks and it does bother me. (I believe she started when they were under 4?)

[Amy2]

Diane~I think that a child who is constantly "sassy" or vulgar probably has other issues and is using the talk to get a reaction from the adults in his/her life. I also think that if the problem is perpetual, then the method of discipline isn't working and you need a new method. That said, perhaps you did the tobasco "only once" and it "worked" what have you taught the child? Have you "disciplined" them by punishing them, or by teaching them? And then what did you teach them? I'm bigger than you are.

I think if my child swore constantly I would take the privileges away each time. No TV, no treats, no guests...etc. Depending on the age of the child, I would try to figure out what they think the swearing/behavior is accomplishing. Maybe they are feeling small and insignificant, so they are talking like "big kids" or whatever. I would help them understand that it's not the cool, smart big kids that talk like that, only the ones who aren't smart enough to find other words, or whatever. If my child is rude to me, I simply don't grant his request, or if he's just being mean I say "you're not allowed to speak to me like that" and I go in my room or just away from him. He is doing it to get a reaction from me, obviously, so I don't give to him that satisfaction. If you offer no resistence, they will eventually stop.

I think if your child learns from day one about respecting you and you respect him/her then this issue becomes moot. Or it is about asserting his/her personal power, which is a good thing if handled right.

[Leigh]

I don't have any children yet, but I am like Karla. I hate to say never because it winds up biting you in the behind! LOL!!

[Mickey]

Thanks for all your viewpoints!

I'll give my opinion now (even though you didn't ask for it! LOL! ;))...

...I was horrified over my cousin's wife using the Tabasco sauce and so was dh. I totally agree with Amy on this concept in general.

I posted about this because I was wondering what the reasoning was behind doing this and I was also curious to know if the people who do it find it effective.

I personally could never do it...and believe me, there have been many moments recently during which I was at my wit's end over bad language and mouthiness, but it's just not an option for us.

[Amy2]

To Leigh and Karla,

I know one should never say never, but if you start with never you will be less likely than if you say "well...I guess it would be okay under certain circumstances" because children are challenging, and you could justify the circumstances if you wanted to. I said I would never spank my kid. I did. Twice. Well, didn't spank, but gave him a swat on the butt. The first time it seemed to make sense, we had had a talk about it, I had given him time outs, told him if he did it again (kick me) I would give him a spank, and then he did so I did. He threw his arms around me and we had this wonderful talk about "consequences" and he really seemed to understand. But the second time felt like it was a power trip on my part based in my own anger. I had done it once before, so it wasn't such a big deal I guess. I was so quick to go there! Yikes! Thankfully I recognized this right away, and vowed to "never" do it again. I haven't. I'm glad.

Amy

[Diane]

I wouldn't say that anybody is either right OR wrong. While I may not always agree with the way some parents handle their children I would like to believe that as parents, we are all doing what we feel is best for our children. I personally do not agree/feel that by diciplining our children we are humiliating them or totally power tripping them, but teaching them that their are consequences to bad behavior. If they don't like those consequences I feel that they will definitely think twice about doing "it" again. Now while I don't think I would ever soap my child's mouth... I really don't KNOW for sure that I wouldn't because I've really never had to deal with this problem. If I did though and it got to the point where it was REALLY bad and nothing else worked... who's to say I wouldn't try it? If it DID work... well then GREAT! Maybe I feel this way because I'm a "little" older than some of you here and that's the way I was raised. Parenting is a LOT different now than it was when my children were young. I could say more but I really don't want to offend anybody... LOL Like I said, everybody is entitled to their opinion and I totally respect what everybody here has to say. :)

[MK]

Originally posted by coulie
Personally I like the "stuff the mouth with dirty socks and duct tape it shut" method.

Not really, but I thought I would try to fit in with the crowd here. How'd I do?

Sheesh! What are you people thinking? What are you going to shove in their mouths when they are sixteen? Good luck!

I use Amy's method and so far it's working great.


Lol, when I was little and having a "whine fest" my mom would roll up a clean sock and stick it in my mouth (no duct tape though). She still likes to embarrass me by telling stories about the time when I was two and whining so she told me to go put a sock in my mouth and I did! She still laughs about that to this day, saying what an obedient (yet not very bright) child I was.

[MK]

All I have to say is, whatever you decide to do, be sure to think about allergic reactions of any kind, like with the soap. Many people are deathly allergic to the active ingredient in tobasco sauce, and the mouth is such a sensitive, delicate area. The only thing that concerned me with the squirt gun/lemon juice was, what if it got in the kid's eyes? OUCH!

When I was a kid, any child who was disrespectful of his elders got a swift and effective smack, followed by an equally painful tongue thrashing (lecture). Profanity recieved the soap treatment. So far, we haven't had much of a problem with our own kids. We've been lucky, I guess. The few times our oldest (7) has "tested" his verbal prowess, he was corrected with a stern rebuke: "Hey-- watch it, kid. That kind of language/tone of voice is extremely disrespectful, and will not be tolerated. It is fine that you feel angry, but you may show it in other ways, and not by sassing. Now go to your room." The few times either child has experimented with profanity, we quickly corrected them with, "Umm...even though you may have heard some grown-ups saying those words, they are not appropriate for children to use. You need to not say things like that, it's not okay."

[coulie]

Diane,

I'm glad you understood that I was being facitious.

Sometimes if the child is being really nasty mouthed I say "that's potty talk and we can talk potty talk in the bathroom" If they continue I show them to the bathroom. Let them talk to the walls or the toilet or what ever they want. I've used this for spitting too. If a child spits I look at them and say "oh you didn't know that we spit in sinks did you?" And off I go with them to the bathroom. Show them how to spit in the sink and rinse it out. If the child is swearing or being rude they are most likely seeking attention. I love to turn it around on them like that. They never expect it and it immediatley distracts them from the behavior. When they are ready to choose more polite ways of speaking or they are done learning to spit in the sink then I welcome them back. I stay away from lengthy discussions and don't give it too much attention.
Also, behaviors don't just "poof" away. Strong arming a small child into a desired behavior really doesn't teach anything. I think you can wind up with the mole hole effect, push it down here and it'll pop up somewhere else. Might be better to find out why the child is feeling so aggressive.

[Amy2]

Diane how old are you? Because I'm an "older" mom, and I completely disagree with you! You must be ancient! :)

[JeannieOR]

I know one should never say never, but if you start with never you will be less likely than if you say "well...I guess it would be okay under certain circumstances" because children are challenging, and you could justify the circumstances if you wanted to. I said I would never spank my kid. I did. Twice. Well, didn't spank, but gave him a swat on the butt. The first time it seemed to make sense, we had had a talk about it, I had given him time outs, told him if he did it again (kick me) I would give him a spank, and then he did so I did. He threw his arms around me and we had this wonderful talk about "consequences" and he really seemed to understand. But the second time felt like it was a power trip on my part based in my own anger. I had done it once before, so it wasn't such a big deal I guess. I was so quick to go there! Yikes! Thankfully I recognized this right away, and vowed to "never" do it again. I haven't. I'm glad


It's kind of eerie but I had the exact same experiance and I couldn't agrree more.