Raising Little Gentlemen

[Mickey]

Ds holds doors for people and allows ladies to go first, but tonight he asked me why. Saw a woman pumping gas while her husband sat in the car and the subject came up. My dh always offers to pump the gas, even if I'm driving. Ds asked why men need to do things for ladies. Told him it was just polite. He asked why ladies don't hold doors for men. Told him I hold doors for everyone and he should, too, but allowing ladies to go first is just a nice gesture when you're a guy. He asked why and I told him it's just what he needs to do.

Is this way old fashioned? Do you raise your boys this way? If so, have they ever asked why they should be extra nice and polite to women? Just wondering what you say to your kids regarding this.

[MaryL]

I am definately trying to impress that on my boys...good manners are the rule here! It's not so hard, since it comes naturally to dh. In school, I teach all of my kindergartners to be polite to others. For example, we don't have a "door holder" in my class. I'm teaching the children to hold the door open for themself, and then also for the person behind them. It works great, and they learn that they should never let a door close without looking behind them first. If someone spills a crayon box, I always compliment the children who hurry to help the child pick up his/her crayons. Sometimes I will say, "Ladies first" (lining up for the bathroom, or something like that!) and the boys will say, "Hey, that's not fair!". Then I say, "yes...it's fair and it's polite." Sometimes I will say "Gentlemen first"...and I expect the girls to respect that also. There are simply too many kids with horrendous manners these days. I find it discouraging.

[AnnW]

We have taught the kids to shake hands when they meet someone, give their seat to an older person, hold the door or offer to help, but I don't do it based on sex bias. Women don't "need" men to do things for them..well, except to kill bugs! LOL I am perfectly capable of pumping my own gas, opening my doors, but I do think it's a lovely gesture when someone offers help. I always hated those girls who walked 3 or 4 paces in front of their date and then stood at the door like an amputee, waiting for the guy to now rush up and open it!
I think it's more important to teach your children to be polite and considerate of everyone.

[kat]

I agree with Ann, that I am perfectly capable of pumping my own gas or opening my own door. But it is those very acts of kind consideration toward others that make a person feel special. When a man does not hold the door for a woman I find it at the very least inconsiderate and even rude. I think its wonderful that you ladies are teaching children to be little gentlemen. I think it's absurd for a 4'11" petit little woman to hold the door open for a 6'2" 200 pound man to prove that she's capable of doing it on her own. I know woman who find it insulting to their sense of "liberation" when a man tries to open a door. He's not trying to send you back to the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, just trying to be a gentleman. In my opinion we need more of it.

When we dismiss kids to the buses we always say, "ladies first". When they ask why and they do, we tell them it's just a nice thing for a gentleman to do. I try to have my tables evenly divided between boys and girls. When I call a table to line up to go anywhere I'll say, "ladies first". This results in two things. I'm teaching the boys a little chivalry and all my boys and girls don't get bunched together in line. (they behave better with a few members of the opposite sex in between them) This way too not all the girls are ahead of the boys, which they would tend to see as an unfair advantage. The next table's girls will be behind them.

[Brichard]

Although I don't always exhibit my chivalry around dw...

I am so glad my parents raised me to be a gentleman in what one of my prom dates called the "Southern Manner." To this day when I do little things like hold the elevator until all ladies have gotten off, a woman will come up to me and tell me "it is so nice that ther are still some gentlemen left."

I have a major pet peeve at resteraunts where young kids will not vacat their seats for an older person. We have been standing with a young infant where nobody offers their seat for my wife to sit down with the baby! AAARRRRGGHHH!

I almost always pump gas when I'm with dw, but I do find it ridiculous when a woman refuses to pump it. We have some friends where the wife never pumps gas. She has her husband drive her car once a week and do it for her. I think that is just silly.

[Diane]

Although I consider myself an extremely independant person... I still enjoy being treated like a lady. I don't mind pumping my own gas... nor do I mind opening up my own door... but when dh is with me, he'll pump the gas and will always open the door for me... and any other woman who is walking in/out the door. I've had guy's walk in a door in front of me and they've practically slammed the door in my face... and that doesn't really impress me at all. :( LIke I said, I'm not helpless... but I don't like being treated as if I'm not even there. If/when I'm walking in through a door... I'll even stand and hold it for the next person walking in behind me... whether it's a man or a woman. I wouldn't let a door close in ANYone's face.

Diane... :wave: