Fighting!!

[Leigh]

I have a question for you gals. At our school when two kids get in a fight, both get in trouble. I understand this policy, but my question to ya'll is do you tell your children to hit back if someone hits them.

Two boys got into a fight at school today. When the teacher was getting on to them, she told the one that had been hit first that he should have come and told a teacher, but what happens when they can't get away to come tell a teacher.

How do you as parents handle situations like this?

[JeannieOR]

I told dd that if there was no way out and she had to defend herself to do so but to realize that she would probably get sent to the office for it but that I would stick up for her. I figure ya' got ta' do what you got ta' do.

[Mickey]

I always tell 6 yo ds to come to me or go to the parent of the child hitting (or the adult in charge), but I do have a friend who tells her son he can hit back if another boy hits him and that he can hit a boy who hits his little sister, but he can never hit a girl. I go the "two wrongs don't make a right" route, but I wouldn't want ds to allow someone to beat the heck out of him (don't think he ever would).

While I've always told ds to go to an adult if he can't handle a conflict, I've been encountering parents who focus on not "tattling" or they say, "Work it out!" Conflicting messages for ds, but I still prefer that he go to an adult if he feels the urge to physically hurt someone.

[AnnW]

We encourage working things out among themselves and discourage tattling EXCEPT for issues of safety or bodily harm...sometimes emotional harm too.

[Linda/NE]

We have always told our kids to not hit back and tell someone in charge.

A few years ago our oldest son was 'attacked' by 2 other kids. They just started hitting at him and punching him, etc. He did fight back because he couldn't get away. The aide on the playground at recess was too busy chatting with the 8th grade girls that she didn't see it until ds was already fighting back.

The aide told the teachers of all 3 boys and my son was told that he was in for recess all the next day. Ds came home in tears and so I called his teacher. (I've been friends with her for 12 years) She said she didn't know enough about it and had told him to stay in so she could get to the bottom of it. As it turned out the other two boys got in trouble and ds didn't .

The aide should have been in trouble for not supervising, but I don't think she did. (She quit after that year anyway) What ds's teacher, other teachers and we thought was how could she NOT see what was happening. It's not like it was one quick punch they were going at it for quite a while.

I think fighting needs to be dealt with on an individual basis.