Temper Tantrums?.....not from kids

[Suz]

Ok, I need to talk to someone that isn't going to be happy about my sadness right now.
I'm just wondering, does any of you ladies here have a husband that looses his temper?
Mine did last night and I just don't know what to do about it or if it is just normal.
Here is what happened. The kids were upstairs and they were fighting with one another - dh went up to see what the problem was. Well they got smart mouth and defiant with him and he just lost it!!!! Started yelling at the top of his lungs, came downstairs and told me that this is my fault, etc. He doesn't hit but his yelling is so frightening!! The kids were scared and I was scared. He does have a bad temper and it is like walking on eggshells when he is stressed about something at work or whatever.
We have such a wonderful family but this part of it just sucks!!! Other than his temper, my dh is the most loving, affectionate man, and is an awsome father.
His patience is not the best. This doesn't happen alot but when it does, I just wonder if it is all worth it.
Thanks for letting me vent!

[Leigh]

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I don't know if this is an option or not, but would your husband consider counseling? {{{SUZ}}}

[WonderLor]

First I want to send a cyber hug your way..from your post it sounded as if you needed it =)

With that done..has your husband had a physical? (to rule out high blood pressure or perhaps another medical cause for his lack of patience?) If that has been done and he is healthy and well have you tried talking to him about it?

Does he have an outlet for stress in his life? Is he going to a gym?

Perhaps you can find a way to talk to him about how his actions affect you and the kids..he is the one that is going to have to make a choice and stand by that decision. Dr. Phil had a great show on a mother that would rant and rave at her children..his cameras followed her around for a day and then they showed her what she looked like..but most importantly what her children looked like when she was yelling at them..just a thought.

Best of luck to you!
Lor

[Amy]

Thankfully, my dh has mellowed in the past ten years. He used to fly off the handle in a blink of the eye. Some people just can't deal with stress and its outlets are misplaced (the children and you). If you can find out what is causing the real stress, then maybe you can get better perspective and not take it so personally. When dh still freaks out, I don't shrink anymore from it, I sling it right back :D and he usually calms down right after it. I no longer take blame for his moods.

[Linda/NE]

(((SUZ))))

Hoping you find answers for this. I don't really have any advice.

Is this something new or has he always been this way?

[Marla]

(((Suz))) Just wanted to let you know that we are here for you.

Has your husband always been like this? If so, maybe having him talk to someone would be a good idea. If this is something new, that maybe he should have a complete physical to make sure things haven't changed.

[Suz]

Hi all, thanks so much for your replies - how nice to have you all!! My dh has always had a bad temper - he is full blooded Italian :)
It is not all of the time and I would have to say that he has mellowed out over the years. I just wish he would NEVER lose it!!! Seems so childish to me when he does.
He apologized to the kids yesterday and me and said that he should have never lost his temper like that - although, he did tell the kids that that doesn't change the fact that they do have to listen - which I agree.
I told the kids that we all have a weakness, nobody is perfect, and daddy's weakness is his temper. I told them that when he does lose it, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love them. My daughter replied with, "Your perfect mommy" :)
Well, dh and I talked yesterday and he is all for going to talk to someone to help him manage his stress and anger better. So we shall see. At least he doesn't deny that it is wrong.
He hates it when he gets like that. We do have alot going on right now - we are in the final stages of building our house - which he is doing himself - and on top of that running our own business. He is always happy when he is outside chopping wood or on the tractor. He does need to have some stress outlet.
Anyway, thanks again - things are moving in a positive direction - thank goodness - I do think that prayer always helps too!!!
It is amazing how a man can be the most wonderful person on the earth one minute and the biggest jerk in the world the next!!! Go figure!

[WonderLor]

Glad to hear that dh is willing to talk to somebody about his temper. I grew up in a family where my father would lose it quite often..and as a result my older brother does the same thing. So it would be best for both of your children if your husband get's a grip on his temper.

From what you said it looks like he has a lot of stress in his life..perhaps he just needs to find a way to release it =)

Best of luck to you!
Lor

[Diane]

You are lucky that he is aware of his bad temper and is willing to talk with somebody about it. My father in-law had an extremely bad tamper (also a full blooded Italian) and every once in a while would even admit to it... except he'd always blame it on his "Itilian Temper". Dh's aunt was the same way and I'm assuming that their mother was also... seeing she was the one who had raised them. I'm very grateful that this is something that dh didn't pick up from his dad... :rolleyes: I'm not too sure I would have had the patience to put up with it. Needless to say... it's a hard thing to have to deal/live with each and every day.

I hope the counseling helps... good luck!!

Diane... :wave:

[Leigh]

I also want to wish you and your family good luck!

[vea29]

Well my advice is alittle late....I was gonna ask if you have sat down with dh and discussed how his temper make you and the dks feel. He might not be aware of how its affecting you.

Glad to hear he's willing to work on it...Good luck!

[Suz]

Yes, Dh and I have sat down and talked about how it makes us feel. We do have wonderful communication between us - thank goodness. I heard him talking to the kids about it yesterday and apoligizing and it was sweet to hear.
He also told me that from now on when he gets frustrated he is going to walk away, go outside, whatever it takes - he said that he is going to take control of it and not let it get to that point again.
He told me that we have way too much going for us to let some dumb temper get in the way - he is so right!!!