School problems

[Linda/NE]

UGH!!! I hate school!!! I guess this is just so out of my realm I don't know how to deal with it. Ds #2 came home to day with his report card. 2 F's and the rest D's and C's!! Needless to say he's suspended from the basketball team at school. I've grounded him from about everything but breathing, eating , sleeping and ..Uh..you know. He doesn't turn homework in. He doesn't redo papers he's did wrong the first time.We have set homework times, but he doesn't bring anything home! He has an excellent teacher that goes out of her way to help him but he has to help himself.

I was always an A and B student. I got my first C in college Science (it was some dumb class about identifying different kinds of fish, birds, trees, etc.)

Dh was a so-so student. He drew C's I guess but it was mostly because he just didn't get it.

Ds is very bright. He gets frustrated easily with Math and has help at school with it. The other subjects he's just lazy at. His handwriting is autrocious also.
(I chalk that up to him starting with D'Neilian and then having to relearn the letters with the Palmer method. I've always thought D'neilian was sloppy looking. JMO)

I feel like such a failure as a parent. :\ I've been so involved with either my job or trying to open my preschool that I'm not doing my job as a parent. I just don't know what to do with him anymore. :\ Maybe he needs a good old fashioned spanking, but I know that really won't do any good. :(

Not really sure what my purpose was in posting this other than to let off steam. Thanks for letting me vent. :)

[Leigh]

{{{LINDA}}} I am so sorry that you are going through this, and although it may make you feel like you are failing your ds, you are not a bad parent just because he is not doing well in school. I think that you said it best when you said he has to help himself. I don't really have any ideas on what might make him start helping himself more, but I am sure others here on this board will. You just need to remember that we are all here for you. This is a great place to come to and let off steam and vent, and also pick up great advice in the process. Maybe you could find a highschool dropout with a crappy job to talk to your ds and tell him that if he doesn't start doing better in school he might have to get a crappy job too. Hang in there!

[Amy]

I'm sorry to hear about the stress, but it is hard to believe that you didn't know about your ds and his problems at school. Didn't the teacher send home progress reports or call you to tell you he was failing?

I know how important this business is to you. But maybe its time to put it into God's hand and let the chips fall where they may. I just know from experience that the harder you push for something, the more resistance you receive unnecessarily because you are creating your own monster. Don't ever give up, but just put it into perspective. It will happen if it was meant to be. Focus on the family and things will happen faster for you. I know, better said than done! LOL

[lindaM]

Linda you don't say what grade ds is in. You said he is very bright. Do you think he is bored and not trying because it's not challenging enough for him?? DS has this problem in 1st and 2nd grade now in 3rd grade his teacher is challenging him and he's doing much much better.

btw....ds learned denealion sp? in kindergarten then they changed in 1st grade to "real" printing and his handwriting is horrid also. His teacher this year said kids who print horrible usually do fine in cursef sp? writing so she isn't at all concerned with it.

Good Luck

[Linda/NE]

Thanks Leigh!!

Ds is in 5th grade.

Amy, we knew he was having problems and have had many conferences with his teacher. We knew his grades were not going to be great but I didn't expect F's and neither did he.

I had a LONG talk with ds. The biggest reason for the low grades are because of the zeros for not handing work in or correcting redos. I showed him how teachers average grades with quite a few examples. His eyes got pretty wide when I showed him how one zero can pull grades down. He said he didn't think his grades would be that low over just those papers.

Linda, I think as far as math anyway, that he feels frustrated. It's not that he can't do it or doesn't understand it, but it takes times and doesn't come as quickly as he'd like. The other assignments that involve writing turn him off because he doesn't like to write. His cursive isn't any better than this printing. :(
Guess he's taking after his Dad! LOL


Dh and I decided also that we've been too trusting with him when we've asked him if he has homework or redos or whatever. He is going to bring home his Math and Spelling every night to check over and study along with anything else he didn't finish. I will be asking him if he has it before I pull away from the school each day too.

I'll be talking with his teacher in a few days to see what he's doing in school.

Thanks!

[Suz]

Hi Linda,
Hugs to you - I know how our hearts ache for our kids!!!
He will probably need you to sit right by him and guide him with his homework. Most boys need CONSTANT guidance - it is just how they are. Have you read the book Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson. I really liked it and it talked alot about how boys need us to contiually be guiding them.
My son is the same way. He is so smart but lacks motivation when it comes to some school work. Usually, if he understands it - he feels good about it and does quite well. And I have told him that, yes, some stuff is going to seem dull and boring to you but it still has to be done with your best efforts.
Let him know that you want to help him and that he is not in this alone. School can be so difficult for kids - things are taught so quickly sometimes and if they don't get it, too bad. Children really need parents to be involved and continually supportive in order for them to achieve in school.
HOpe something I said could be of some help - hang in there!! The fact that you care about him is a step in the right direction - I've seen some parents who could care less and have no clue as to how their kids are doing.

[Linda/NE]

Suz,
Thanks so much!! Your words definitely helped!

Ds's teacher sent a note to us yesterday that he has been making big progress. I know that some of the kids in his room found out about his grades and spread it around school. Of course there's always those that have to tease and criticize. As sad and cruel as that is, I think that was the 'kick in the pants' he needed. It hurt his feelings. We told him we understand, but it all could have been prevented.
Luckily the two boys in his class have still remained friends with him. Last night was the first basketball game and he was only allowed to sit with the team but he couldn't suit up. I think that bugged him too.

Also, his best friend who's been living with his dad out of state is coming back to live with his mom for good next week. He's already been told that he has to get his grades up and keep them there before he will be able to go do things with his friend. I think that's a big incentive too.

It's too early to say we have it whipped but he is headed in the right direction.

Thanks again!! :)

[KarlaB]

Glad things seem to be improving!!! :thumb:

[Suz]

Glad to hear that things are moving in a positive direction!!!

[Diane]

It sounds like you've given him a lot of good reason's to want to improve his grades. Glad to hear that he's doing much better.

Diane...