babysitting

[lilmom]

My boyfreind loves kids, I've already had two for his request, and he now bitches because I don't want anymore for at least another 2 years. The only arguement I have for him is that the first two were his choice, and I'm tired of being pregnant. Our son is only 3 months old, and he's rearing for another one.
I've gone on the pill so he's arguementive over that, and I feel like I have to protect myself from his mighty army. I think at this point, for me more is out of the question. I feel like I have to keep fighting with him over it. I can't give in I haven't had the opportunity to party because I've been pregnant for him in over two years. I knew him for 4 before we got pregnant with our first, who is now only 20 months old, and is handling her baby brother amazingly well, better by far than our expectations. I even make him wait for a week after my period had ended so I know I'm safe.

Also, I am trying to get a child day care started of my own. I have the experience. I think I'm going to get it started for saturdays and sunday play groups for now. Hopefully that will keep him busy enough he won't be asking for more. He wants a minimum of 12 by the time I'm done. And I feel like I should have a choice in this too. So, the EVIL plan is to keep him occupied on the weekends with so many children he doesn't know what to do with them. I'm going to try for a few weeks with 12 kids, and add more or take out some as his taste prefers. He's 8 1/2 years older than I am, and he thinks that men stop producing at a certain age. What do I do?

[Linda/NE]

This sounds like quite a situation! I am not trying to be insensitive in the least, but I think you need to consider a few things.

First and foremost the children you already have. I've heard from doctors that it's high risk to get pregnant within a year after your last child. Your body needs to recover and get back on track. In the long run you could find yourself with serious medical conditions. Maybe ask your doctor's advice or find written material and show it to your boyfriend.

Also (in my opinion) you need to consider whether you and your bf plan to stay together for the long haul. If so, why not get married? If he's reluctant to get married you have to question why (especially if he wants 12!8o ) Although you are adults and no one can tell you what to do, you have to consider the ramifications of your lifestyle on your children as they enter school and develop into adults themselves. It's just the mature thing to do.

As for the daycare, I don't think a bunch of kids is going to deter him from wanting more kids. You do need to check with licensing regulations to see how many children you can have in your care also. I think you have a good idea in providing care on the weekends. Start small and gradually build up to a manageable number. The kids should always come first and if you have more kids than you can handle the kids are going to suffer.

Again, I didn't mean to be at all insensitive. I'm just giving my opinion as I see it. Good luck to you!! :)

[AnnW]

Since you asked.........you are not married to man who bullies you into becoming pregnant and you are wondering if you should have more? You are upset because you haven't been able to party....sounds like both of you are not mature enough to be parents of any more children.

[Mickey]

Wow. I can't believe what I've read. I totally agree with Ann.

[RCT]

WOW, I agree with Ann....what do you want out of YOUR life with YOUR children? slow down....think about what YOU and YOUR children need.....

[imamama]

Holy cow! I have to agree with everyone. What are you thinking? If you're concerned over not being able to party b/c of having kids... you've got major problems. At least, that's one of the many problems it seems you have. Like Linda said, why not get married? If he has commitment issues, don't think he's going to stick it out through thick and thin just b/c you have kids. It's your body, you have the say so whether you get pregnant again. And just b/c he's older than you, doesn't mean he's more mature. Sorry if you were looking for sympathy... I have none for people who don't take control of their lives and situations.

[Diane]

Wow... what wonderful advice you've gotten! :) IMHO It doesn't sound as if either one of you are ready for another child. If this were me... I think I'd want more of a commitment before having more children. Getting married would be a good beginning. Also... your bf sounds like he's pretty controlling. Having babies should be a mutual decision... not something that only HE decides. This is YOUR life too... and his "request" (or demand) for another child from you is just not right. I'm sorry but I think the both of you need to take some time to grow/mature before taking on any more children. Partying and having fun should not be your first priority, and if it is... then I feel sorry for the children that you already have. Do yourself a favor and start taking control of your own life. Think about YOU and what you need/want... and go for it. Good luck!

Diane... :wave:

[Jeff]

Its great that you put-off partying to keep your children safe while you are carrying them. As well thinking about the future and how you will care for them and yourself is highly admirable.

You will only be pushing 40 when they enter into adulthood. I'd say get that career going, focus on the children you have and either marry the guy or move on. Partying and having more kids is NOT going to make either of you happy long-term. It just fills the void of the unhappy life you two are searching to rectify.

[angie r]

Originally posted by lilmom
I even make him wait for a week after my period had ended so I know I'm safe.

You may want to sit down with your ob/gyn and talk about your cycle and ovulation. You are making him wait until you are ovulating and most likely to get pregnant. How old are you?

[lilmom]

Originally posted by Linda/NE
This sounds like quite a situation! I am not trying to be insensitive in the least, but I think you need to consider a few things.

First and foremost the children you already have. I've heard from doctors that it's high risk to get pregnant within a year after your last child. Your body needs to recover and get back on track. In the long run you could find yourself with serious medical conditions. Maybe ask your doctor's advice or find written material and show it to your boyfriend.

Also (in my opinion) you need to consider whether you and your bf plan to stay together for the long haul. If so, why not get married? If he's reluctant to get married you have to question why (especially if he wants 12!8o ) Although you are adults and no one can tell you what to do, you have to consider the ramifications of your lifestyle on your children as they enter school and develop into adults themselves. It's just the mature thing to do.

As for the daycare, I don't think a bunch of kids is going to deter him from wanting more kids. You do need to check with licensing regulations to see how many children you can have in your care also. I think you have a good idea in providing care on the weekends. Start small and gradually build up to a manageable number. The kids should always come first and if you have more kids than you can handle the kids are going to suffer.

Again, I didn't mean to be at all insensitive. I'm just giving my opinion as I see it. Good luck to you!! :)

[lilmom]

Originally posted by Linda/NE
This sounds like quite a situation! I am not trying to be insensitive in the least, but I think you need to consider a few things.

First and foremost the children you already have. I've heard from doctors that it's high risk to get pregnant within a year after your last child. Your body needs to recover and get back on track. In the long run you could find yourself with serious medical conditions. Maybe ask your doctor's advice or find written material and show it to your boyfriend.

Also (in my opinion) you need to consider whether you and your bf plan to stay together for the long haul. If so, why not get married? If he's reluctant to get married you have to question why (especially if he wants 12!8o ) Although you are adults and no one can tell you what to do, you have to consider the ramifications of your lifestyle on your children as they enter school and develop into adults themselves. It's just the mature thing to do.

As for the daycare, I don't think a bunch of kids is going to deter him from wanting more kids. You do need to check with licensing regulations to see how many children you can have in your care also. I think you have a good idea in providing care on the weekends. Start small and gradually build up to a manageable number. The kids should always come first and if you have more kids than you can handle the kids are going to suffer.

Again, I didn't mean to be at all insensitive. I'm just giving my opinion as I see it. Good luck to you!! :)


I'm fine with all that, the kind of past I've lived, I'm used to having to show my "tough love." So I've figured to keep his mouth shut, so he understands the concept that he is not in control of me, I am. Financially, I wear the pants in the house, emotionally, he does. I have those responsibilities, and I also have moments, when I have nothing to do with him, usually for no reason, mostly because I want my bonding time with the kids. We tried out the babysitting thing in fact this weekend, and it's been decided, the next one will be my choice. The past two, I was pregnant it seemed like constantly, and he thinks I'm depressed all the time around him and happy around the kids. Most of the time when he questions it, I notify him that I have other ways of enjoying life, that don't include him. Oh yeah, and to top it off, I did just fine, the kids were all playful and happy with eachother, and he whined about it. I asked him about the idea of having more, and his response was, not for all this. I think the kids are all great, most of them have known me for years and listen to the rules and regulations I have set for them, and the schedule I have set never changes. So he is in total amasement at the knowledge that he couldn't handle it by himself the way I do.

[lilmom]

Thank you, all of you. I had my best friend sit me down, and we talked about our issues, she seems to have her own. If the term, used loosely "Tough Love," doesn't work, I don't think he's interested in ME. So far it has. We decided that he's doing his end of the bit with the bills and stuff, and I'm waiting until the kids are both in school at least part time before I have more. Furthermore, I do have my responsibilities, and those are not to turn out like my parents, and relatives. I opened a "college" savings account for the kids and I, and when he decides he wants to be a part of that he can. We're saving $90/mo for college for the kids, and whatever I have left over at the end of the month, goes with it. However long it takes, I am going to school. If it means working full time while I'm doing it, I will. I'm a massage thereapist wanna be. And I feel that when I'm done with school, I'll be able to take care of his financial issues, and carry the family. I'm 23yrs old, and I haven't married him, because we both feel that all of our issues at hand need to be taken care of first, then we'll consider it. I don't want to carry his financial issues when we decide we're not ready for eachother, and it becomes too late to make that decision. For now, we'll do fine, as long as we express our needs, and wants on both ends of the line.

[KarlaB]

Originally posted by lilmom
I'm 23yrs old, and I haven't married him, because we both feel that all of our issues at hand need to be taken care of first, then we'll consider it.

If you have "issues" to take care of first, why in the world did you bring KIDS into the relationship?? ?( :\

[littlesista06]

Originally posted by lilmom
..I'm 23yrs old, and I haven't married him, because we both feel that all of our issues at hand need to be taken care of first, then we'll consider it. ....

This just blows my mind!!! You people don't consider your relationship and it's "issues" BEFORE you hop into bed together, and now, TWO KIDS LATER.......... UH OH!!! WE HAVE ISSUES TO CONSIDER before we can get married!! 8o

Sounds a BIT backward to me.