Dh is having trouble with an employee

[PamE]

Dh is so incredibly stressed today. One of his employees has a drinking problem and has been coming to work drunk on occasion. According to company policy this man gets two warnings a suspension and then is fired. Tomorrow dh has to suspend him. The biggest issue is that he is also a friend. :0( It's really hard to separate and be "boss" instead of friend and dh is really struggling. If you think of him tomorrow, please say prayer that everything will go smoothly.

[angie r]

I will say a prayer. Remember that an alcholic has to hit rock bottom generally before going for help. Maybe this will do it for him and this will be a turning point in his life.

[Amy]

Pam-some of the best things happen in the worst scenarios. If the alcoholic is denial, maybe this suspension will make him realize he needs help and get it. If not, it isn't your dh's place to protect him and shouldn't feel guilty for doing this. Like Angie said, in order for an alcohoic to get better, they have to hit rock bottom.

Good luck to your dh!

[Mickey]

I'll say a prayer that things go ok tomorrow, Pam.

My dh had to lay off a long-time friend while working at another company and that was really tough for him. It's really awkward to be in that situation.

I hope your dh's friend understands and gets the help he needs.

[Diane]

I'll also say a prayer that everything goes well. It's hard to be the boss and a friend when things like this comes up... it's very awkward. I also agree that this may be the turning point in his life. Please let us know how it goes... Good luck!!

Bye... :wave:

[PamE]

Thank you for the kind words, I've kind of been a nervous wreck myself and I'm not involved, lol. :0/ I really feel for this guy. Apparently alcoholism is in his family. He and his wife have recently decided to try to get pg and he's been getting help for his problem. I guess it isn't enough yet. The last time my dh confronted him was the first time he didn't deny it. Dh is hoping he won't deny it this time because if he does it will be harder for this guy in the long run, policy-wise (for some reason). Hopefully TODAY will be his rock-bottom and he won't have to go any lower. :0( I just hate to see it.

Anyway, I'll update you all tonight after dh gets home.

[AnnW]

Keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well today!

[angie r]

Let us know!

[KarlaB]

I have two immediate family members who have been through treatment. They aren't always willing to admit there is a problem, but reassure your dh that although it may not seem like it, he really is doing the best thing for this guy. It's a tough position for your dh to be in. :( Hope all goes well - be sure to let us know.

[Ryleigh]

Your poor dh. What a stressful position to be in. I'll say a prayer that all goes well for him.
Hopefully this friend will get the help he needs to get through this. Maybe this will be the wake-up call that will change his life.
Let us know how it goes!

[PamE]

I'm not sure where to begin or if I really have the story straight, but here goes. Dh confronted "Jim" who readily admitted to being intoxicated on the job. There were also five or six eye witnesses to his erratic behavior on Saturday. SO, dh draws up the suspension papers and takes them to the human resources manager (or whatever the heck you call her). She didn't like the way things were worded so I guess she decided to redo them herself. To make a really long, complicated story short..... come to find out they couldn't suspend him because there was no "PROOF" that he was drinking. :0/ Dh has to be there at the time of the incident and send Jim in for a blood alcohol test. It does not matter if Jim CONFESSES, is does not matter that there are EYE WITNESSES!!! There has to be "PROOF".

I'm royally irked with this whole thing because it seems like they change company policy as often as they change their underwear. :0/ (Sorry, lame, I know) Who knows what requirements they'll pull out of the bag the next time it happens! The problem is, Jim knows not to drink if dh is going to be there because he knows dh will do something about it. The bottom line is that Jim isn't getting the help he needs because of stupid company POLICY!!! :0(

[Amy]

Pam, Im so sorry for your dh! He really put himself out on a line, only to have nothing come of it. Maybe since Jim knows that your dh is aware of his condition, maybe this will scare him into getting help.

[AnnW]

What a mess! Could your dh and some of his friends do an "intervention" and help him?

[PamE]

I never thought of dh doing an intervention. Maybe he can talk to "Jim"'s wife and see what she thinks. This has gone on for a long time. For a while dh was able to ignore it because it didn't effect his performance at work. Now it's effecting every aspect of his life. At least his wife isn't codependent. She's ratted him out herself a few times!! So she might be open to the intervention. I know that "Jim" is afraid of being fired but with the way things are happening it won't ever come down to that! GRRR!!!!

[Mickey]

I'm surprised his wife hasn't planned an intervention yet. I've heard that while an intervention can be good, it's still completely in the alcoholic's hands. I don't think that the threat of losing a marriage or job is enough. I think it actually has to happen for some people to hit rock bottom and actually do something about it.

You said that Jim only goes to work after drinking if your dh isn't there...what if your dh showed up unexpectedly (when he wasn't supposed to be there) and sent Jim for a blood test? Or is there some silly company rule that it has to happen on dh's shift?

How frustrating!

[PamE]

It's probably going to have to work that way, Mickey, for dh to come in unannounced. The pain in the butt part of that is that we live an hour away and dh cringes to go in on his day off! *G* I'll tell you what though, if it happens while there are visitors this week it'll hit the fan and he'll have consequences, policy or no! The company can't stand to look foolish and it certainly would with the big wigs finding a drunken fool in the office! It was SO blatant last weekend! It was the worst episode so far but I'm sure he can top it!

Dh is trying to decide whether or not to come in this Friday when the guests are here. I think I'll suggest he tell everyone he won't be in (it's his normal day off) and then show up anyway. Good idea, Mick!

[kat]

I don't think that the threat of losing a marriage or job is enough. I think it actually has to happen for some people to hit rock bottom and actually do something about it.

I think that is very true. I have a friend who got into serious trouble that began with prescription drugs and diet pills and escalated way out of control to stealing meds at school to illegal drug use. She lost her job, her home, her husband, and just recently her children.

She seems to be doing better now. She's remarried, but now she's facing jail time over charges of "selling" drugs.

Best of luck to your dh. It's a tough spot to be in.

[Ryleigh]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by PamE
[B] Dh confronted "Jim" who readily admitted to being intoxicated on the job. There were also five or six eye witnesses to his erratic behavior on Saturday. SO, dh draws up the suspension papers and takes them to the human resources manager (or whatever the heck you call her). She didn't like the way things were worded so I guess she decided to redo them herself. To make a really long, complicated story short..... come to find out they couldn't suspend him because there was no "PROOF" that he was drinking. :0/ Dh has to be there at the time of the incident and send Jim in for a blood alcohol test. It does not matter if Jim CONFESSES, is does not matter that there are EYE WITNESSES!!! There has to be "PROOF".


How aggrivating. If the guy admits to it himself, that should be PROOF enough. Hopefully he will get himself some help. Maybe just the reality of 'he could have been suspended' will help. It will likey take more to get him through but even one step forward is better than none at all.

[KarlaB]

I also think it's a good idea for your dh to say he won't be in on Friday and then show up. And, if your dh is comfortable with it I think he should approach "Jim's" wife about doing an intervention. Yes, the person has to hit rock bottom and has to want help, but it doesn't hurt to try. I have been a part of three interventions. 1 went willingly to treatment and is still sober. The 2nd person denied needing help at the time, but willingly went on his own a couple years later and is still sober. The third person was a close friend of dh. He denied a problem and now 7 yrs later is still drinking heavily. :( Good luck to you guys - it's a difficult situation to be involved in. Let us know how things go.

[Sheryl]

What line of work are they in? Is this a safety concern to himself and other employees too?
I would hate to see him hurt or another hurt due to his actions while intoxicated.
Anyway, I hope that it all turns out o.k. in the long run.

[Mickey]

Originally posted by PamE
It's probably going to have to work that way, Mickey, for dh to come in unannounced. The pain in the butt part of that is that we live an hour away and dh cringes to go in on his day off! *G* I'll tell you what though, if it happens while there are visitors this week it'll hit the fan and he'll have consequences, policy or no! The company can't stand to look foolish and it certainly would with the big wigs finding a drunken fool in the office! It was SO blatant last weekend! It was the worst episode so far but I'm sure he can top it!

Dh is trying to decide whether or not to come in this Friday when the guests are here. I think I'll suggest he tell everyone he won't be in (it's his normal day off) and then show up anyway. Good idea, Mick!

Thanks! :) That is a long drive! I don't blame him for not wanting to go in on his day off! I hope it all works out, Pam. Let us know how things go!

[PamE]

Dh has decided to let things sit as is for the time being. There is little danger to Jim or to the other employees since 99.9% of the time they are working on the phones, tech support. I just hope that it hits the fan soon so that there is resolution to this situation!